Goodbye to 2012.....Welcome to 2013...

Well...its between Christmas and new year..I have been exhausted!  Not sure if its the time of year, my relapsing polychondritis, having my moon time, being around excited children that don't need a lot of sleep..or a combination of all those.

I have had to force myself to be social able when all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep....crazy.  Nearly in tears yesterday as with my partners family and I kept having to disappear upstairs to have 10mins lie down...before resurfacing for another half an hour or so.  How old am I?  Really getting me scared as to how I will be when I am older....  Can I cope with being around a family full time...  In my head a lot about it all.  

However, the final days of 2012...an up and down year..many things let go of and many things coming in new.  This new year will be different..I am usually with my good  friends bringing in the new year..this year i am with my beloved and his two children, their cats and milo!  

We are going to do a mini ritual together, writing down all the things we are thankful for, all the things we wish to let go of once and for all from 2012 and burn them in a fire.  Then we re going to write all the things we look forward to in 2013...and attach them to lanterns and release them to the sky after midnight.

Tomorrow, we are going to create a family happiness jar..I have talked about them before.  We will all decorate it and then fill it with notes, receipts, trinkets etc that have brought us happiness each day.  At the end of 2013, then we can empty it and look through them all.....why don't you try this...x

So... Thank you for all the love, support and feedback received from you during 2012....looking forward to seeing you in 2013...

Namaste

Xx

Solstice greetings ...to Christmas floods...

Belated solstice blessings!

The 21st was indeed a powerful morning.  As we moved through 11.11...felt light headed, energy pouring in, heat, very warm sensation...  I did the form  movement and yes, felt some shifts....  But no end of the world..ascension from this reality...so........

X

Again, it's been a while since I wrote anything..lots going on as ever in life.  I have had to go to London twice in the last couple of weeks to see my surgeon..to see whether my trachea is narrowing again..  They got the camera down so far without much sedation and it appears that what has happened is scarring from surgery has formed which has narrowed the airway slightly...but it doesn't look like any new inflammation has occurred..  I go again in 4 weeks to check again.

Last weekend I learned that a young women from the Facebook RP community had passed away..through  complications of relapsing polychondritis.  She had similar issues to me with her trachea...but they couldn't get the progression under control.    It has shaken the community as a whole somewhat as we each realise that one day, it could be us.

As I read about her death, her age (33) and that she leaves behind a little girl..it brought it home to me the seriousness of this thing.  Scary and for a few hours as the news sank it, I felt despondent...but also knowing that I absolutely trust in life,in source, in universal truth..  Made me more motivated to continue with my own healing...stop procrastinating!

Over the last few weeks , it has felt like time has speeded up again.  I have felt pressured and stressed and yet  I have no real direct responsibilities or job!  Everything has speeded up somehow.  I have been exhausted and not sure whether its energetic, my illness or the medications... But I am finding it hard ..I dont like having to take naps, say no to things and walk out of shops as I just can't face them.  :(

Today, I am sat in a house on the banks of the river wye...the river is in flood..and As I type the water is beginning to flow under the doors into the downstairs living space.  I am surrounded by murky water...debris, tree trunks etc floating by...  I have had fun though..I have been sat watching Xmas movies, making sausage rolls and preparing veg for tomorrow.  The two cats are not impressed they cannot go outside and even worse for them...they are having to share their home with a dog!  Milo hates water..he can't get outside either but at least he can use the balcony..when he's brave enough.

Lots happened in my lovelife... I have been humbled by my loves' courage and humility in wooing me to return..to forgive him.  It took much persistence and persuasion..  Forgiveness? Yes...but it seems that's actually harder to do when you are with the person...big learning for me not to take position, forgive unconditionally...and surprisingly possibly facing my own fear of commitment!  Anyway,   I am here...in his home, with his two children.   Spending Christmas here..should be fun...with the river doing its thing as well!  Oh..and the cats and dog being forced to get along for a few days without escape!

So..enjoy..and if I don't write before, see you in 2013!

X