Back home for a while...but still lurghified!

I Can't believe that its been nearly three weeks since I was at home.  I'm still feeling rubbish - even on the Steroids but at least I can breathe easier.  Had a trip to the hospital on Sunday to get them!

The drive home was tiring and I feel a bit like the 'Michillan Man' - my body has bloated up with the steroids so that none of my clothes look right and I feel all 'puffy'!  Ugh!

I am blessed though, I was looked after so well in Wiltshire and loved throughout all the moans and groans and my neighbours have tended my garden in my absence.  It looks so neat and tidy now...my flowers look amazing!

The last three weeks have certainly been a time for surrendering and clearing.

A psychic told me last week that she saw that my breathing problems were linked to one of my mothers past lives where she was hanged for the death of her baby - which was a cot death.  She had been cut down before she had died, survived and it stayed with her - the experience of choking etc.  I am supposed to be clearing out this karma for her - hence the miscarriages of both hers and mine as well.    She also said that my previous relationship had been clearing karma for my Father's past life - my current relationship being non-karmic!

The funny thing is though that the timing of this cold/flu thing I have had recently coincides with the anniversary of the end of that relationship last year - and the last time I had such a bad episode of cold/flu etc was when my breathing issues started - around 7/8 years ago!   So we shall see what transpires when I have recovered fully.

Hmmm..  I've not ever gone into past lives etc before but it was interesting and she went on to tell me that I am from Atlantis and had not been on Earth for over 10,000 years!   Hmmm!

More changes imminent though - one of my contracts will come to an end this week - it had gone on for longer than anticipated so I did well...and I have some 'breathing' space (lol) now for a few weeks to decide on what I want to do and where!  So many potentials - I am sure it will become clear...

I  hope so!

X

Lurghy..Muddy Festival and Lurghy! ugh!

Been ages since i wrote again - largely due to the fact I have been unwell for just over a week now.  laid up in bed largely, completely exhausted with various coldy symptoms, migraine and a regular bleed!  

Managed a few hours at Larmer Tree festival at the weekend to catch my fave Seth and a couple of other bands... but by the end of the day, could hardly walk through the mud back to the car!  Enjoyed it all immensely though.  :)

Since the weekend, back into bed I have retreated..looked after well, fluids, food and entertainment provided lovingly.   Symptoms hardly moving through - summer cold or clearing out - I've had a enough now!   I cant bring myself to get dressed yet, let alone get out and about in the world again.    I've even taken a step back from emailing and facebook - so sorry to all those that are waiting for a response to me. I just cant be doing it at the moment.  Maybe tomorrow!

Blog soon!

X

Returning to blog?

I haven’t written a blog entry for a long while – to be honest, not sure that I will put this one up..each day that I thought I would write, something got in the way or I didn’t know what to write or whether I should be writing my thoughts and feelings out in this way.

Its been a great way to get my thoughts, feelings and emotions out when I was mainly living on my own.  It was a way for me to interact with others, correspond with a few that in turn shared their response, albeit in a virtual world.  I suppose now that I am in a ‘significant’ relationship, the need for this has lessoned, maybe that’s why I’ve not written so much.

In any case, I am typing on this blank page and so far it feels right!

Life has flowed for me with love, health and work... I travel between Wiltshire and Worcestershire every so often – practically setting up two homes, moving clothes in suitcases and packing cars occasionally.  It is tiring, the two hour journey is as tiring being a passenger.   Being able to work from anywhere has been a gift – all I need is my laptop and the internet.

My relationship has got serious and I cant remember the last time I was treated so well and loved so openly.  Thing is that because I am not used to it, its difficult for me to receive and I am having to re-establish how I am in this new dynamic.  It seems that I cant trust anything I feel or think and I sit on the fence dithering, unable to make the leap and dive in.   My head battles with its thoughts, mainly doubts and my heart  - well it is sad for me to admit that I no longer am able to recognise it.  The past, the future seems to push in and create its little play.

I have been awful at times, pushing the boundaries to see how far I can go…knowing that that was what I was doing but being unable to stop.  I can see how I am effected by hormonal swings, moon cycles, and I wonder if I am also feeling cosmic/planetary changes as well.  It seems there are many that are struggling, feeling low, lethargic, making moves then stalling etc.  Ugh!

However, I am conscious and aware enough to see the play and the little games..and I will not allow fear and past to mask what is real.  I cant put my life on hold whilst I sort all this out internally, emotionally, waiting for 100% clarity or comets in October 2011 or the mayan 2012..ridiculous! 

So there you go… I’ve broken the silence and it feels ok to write once more.

Thank you for listening!

Namaste