Returning to blog?

I haven’t written a blog entry for a long while – to be honest, not sure that I will put this one up..each day that I thought I would write, something got in the way or I didn’t know what to write or whether I should be writing my thoughts and feelings out in this way.

Its been a great way to get my thoughts, feelings and emotions out when I was mainly living on my own.  It was a way for me to interact with others, correspond with a few that in turn shared their response, albeit in a virtual world.  I suppose now that I am in a ‘significant’ relationship, the need for this has lessoned, maybe that’s why I’ve not written so much.

In any case, I am typing on this blank page and so far it feels right!

Life has flowed for me with love, health and work... I travel between Wiltshire and Worcestershire every so often – practically setting up two homes, moving clothes in suitcases and packing cars occasionally.  It is tiring, the two hour journey is as tiring being a passenger.   Being able to work from anywhere has been a gift – all I need is my laptop and the internet.

My relationship has got serious and I cant remember the last time I was treated so well and loved so openly.  Thing is that because I am not used to it, its difficult for me to receive and I am having to re-establish how I am in this new dynamic.  It seems that I cant trust anything I feel or think and I sit on the fence dithering, unable to make the leap and dive in.   My head battles with its thoughts, mainly doubts and my heart  - well it is sad for me to admit that I no longer am able to recognise it.  The past, the future seems to push in and create its little play.

I have been awful at times, pushing the boundaries to see how far I can go…knowing that that was what I was doing but being unable to stop.  I can see how I am effected by hormonal swings, moon cycles, and I wonder if I am also feeling cosmic/planetary changes as well.  It seems there are many that are struggling, feeling low, lethargic, making moves then stalling etc.  Ugh!

However, I am conscious and aware enough to see the play and the little games..and I will not allow fear and past to mask what is real.  I cant put my life on hold whilst I sort all this out internally, emotionally, waiting for 100% clarity or comets in October 2011 or the mayan 2012..ridiculous! 

So there you go… I’ve broken the silence and it feels ok to write once more.

Thank you for listening!

Namaste