Yet another blog post this week ! Things are moving within and I am inspired.....

Another blog post within a week! 

 I just read my 'on this day' app on Facebook and was reminded about a blog post I wrote exactly two years ago today.  I’ve copied an excerpt of it below.  

This is interesting because I've been thinking about how 'my life' has evolved from that which I had thought would happen when I was in my teens..  it doesn't look anything like I thought it would..and most of the time thats fine. 

However, every now and again I get that sinking thud in my belly when I realise that I desperately wanted a family around me and I have not had my own children.  Its really come up this week strong within me (probably hormones and time of year!)  and yesterday when I went for my regular checkup with my consultants in London, the first thing I said was:

 'I've had enough of all the meds and not being able to do what I want to do in life'.  how about I come off my meds, go find a guy for a one nighter and try one last time for a baby?!"   

The Doctor smiled at me knowingly and talked me through the whole auto immune thing again and how the meds are really helping me!  Bless him!  I was only half serious! 

  Ive just looked back at my blog and I've written something around the theme of family most years around this time.  There seems to be some pattern that is coming back up at this point every year... hmmm!

Its a process...a process of acceptance, grief and moving on...and again and again.   At least I am conscious of what is occurring and know what is real and true...That I am blessed to be alive and living at this time!  

  I've recently connected with a lot of women in their forties going through similar feelings..its actually amazing how many of my generation have not had children.  Apparently its the highest number since the First World War. Thats interesting!

The 25th April 2013 blog post that inspired todays post:

“Yesterday a beautiful sister of mine gave birth to her third child down under in Australia...She had posted a picture of her very full tummy the day before and she looked so happy and divine.    When I read that she had given birth to a baby boy, so content I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Mother..and for this Mother serving humanity, evolution, for us all in this beautiful, natural way.  With that was the bittersweet tinge of sadness for the loss of my babies and the 'void' that I feel sometimes...however..the gratitude and joy that I experienced as well.. through feeling through this sister was stronger...it was almost as if I had experienced birth with her.

Later that day I was in the hairdresser and they were all talking about fertility, birth, miscarriages etc..and I welled up..knowing that within a few moments I would be asked that question...    my wonderful hairdresser spotted me and said "I promise you will be ok...you will love what I am about to do!"..which made me laugh as he didnt know I was being touched by something else.   My hair was amazing...worthy of tears of delight!

Last night some children that had been in my life until fairly recently got in touch through video/skype....a wonderful surprise..heart warming to see children in their innocence, talking about 'nonsense'...but hearing and feeling their love.  

Whilst writing this blog, that beautiful Aussie mamma has just posted some pics of her birth and new baby son... intense, primal, natural, earthy, divine, serving all,...birthing goddess!  I am so grateful to you sister!  Love thee for your beauty and service…"

:)

All is good!

Before I close, I just pulled an Amma quote card:

"Whether you lead a family life or the life of a renunciate, 

what matters is how you see life and the experiences it brings you"   

PERFECT!!!!!!!

as I laugh here...hitting the 'Post' button!

Namaste
X