A Journey of Woman: Flow of life...Surrender!

A Journey of Woman: Flow of life...Surrender!: Many years ago I was at a retreat... Not sure which country now but I do remember there was a stream nearby...  It was ...

Flow of life...Surrender!

Many years ago I was at a retreat... Not sure which country now but I do remember there was a stream nearby...  It was a fast, bubbling stream that had lots of mossy rocks and twists and turns on a gentle slope....leading to a small pond.

I was sat there one day...just watching...watching the bubbles come down..some were big, some small, in singles or in pairs or in groups...  They were as if they were dancing...sometimes splitting up, sometimes joining with others....occasionally some would get stuck behind some twigs or a rock..and for a few moments would be unable to continue their journey downstream...circling around until they managed to get into the flow of the water again and continue...or a group of bubbles would hang out and play in a little nook of the riverbank...they seemed to want to stay there..and hung on together as long as they could..but eventually the flow of the current would take hold of one or two of the bubbles and they would seem to suddenly let go and rejoin the main flow again.

I realised that this was exactly how our lives are played out....  We as human beings are the bubbles...  We can be on our own or join with others, people will come and go...  Problems or obstacles will crop up in our daily lives which seem to stall our progress..    Sometimes we relax and go with the flow and at times we make hard work for ourselves by trying to paddle against the flow...saying yeah but....yes but what if....yes but i want to stay here...or our heads go into a spin with some crises.

However, all the time life, as with the water is constantly flowing..it can never stop regardless of how we think we can control it.. 

When I remembered this scene last night... I saw myself sat there laughing...I can remember seeing how obvious it all was.  We have no control really so just surrender!

If a problem comes up...make the best of it...let life take you where it wants to...its amazing what turns up..  If you find yourself in a great place...with great people...enjoy...really enjoy and be there...for as long as you are there...but don't try to hold on...or go against the flow by turning your boat around and trying to row upstream..

I imagine myself right now lying on my back...in my bubble...hands behind my head...looking up at the sky, to the sides..all around...admiring the beauty of all that passes...enjoying the company of those that may join me...or not.      Namaste.xx

Cocoon anniversary....

A year ago today, I was preparing my cocoon room..ready to hibernate for a few months..preparing for surgery..self healing, reflection and meditation.    Putting together all the tools, teachings, theories etc to develop my own way of working, being in this world.

What followed was successful surgery, recovery, new relationship, deepening friendships and an on-going learning to accept and live with a chronic illness.  Much inner learning, growth and transformation...apart from one thing...I have not put into action the ideas, projects that came to me during that time...

So...apparently Pluto is entering a significant period of my chart until the end of 2014...I really need to take this opportunity to put things into action...

Watch this space...

X

Life..memories...grief... Unexpected reminders..

Earlier I had a moment....  My ex partner put up pictures of himself with his baby son etc...  Now I have nothing but love for him and his partner...we all get on brilliantly.  I have cuddled the baby as well...no issue...

And yet today, when I saw the pictures on my Facebook newsfeed, tears come from beneath...  I couldn't stop them..  I kept thinking about the babies we lost together... They would be around 4, 5 or 6 now...  

I realised that it is unlikely that I will ever get called mum...  There will no eager child running to me after their school day...No son or daughter looking out for me when I am older..  I will never get to breast feed or have the experience of birth.

Then I remembered that I have looked after many children, right from when I was at school myself right the way through the years.  I have been blessed to have changed nappies, toilet train, dress, feed etc...I have done the school runs, nursery pickups...gone to football matches..washed dirty clothes (after picking the up off the floor! Lol ), gone through the choosing of the right school, gone to parent /teacher evenings.... Cuddled a child to sleep, read bedtime stories, sang and played etc.  BUT in all that 'mothering'..never was I called mum...never could I look at a little face, and recognise bits of me in the reflection.  :( 

So..my last blog was talking about maybe not having the energy for a family...and now I grieve the family that I nearly had myself.  It's all mixed up with stepping into the family of my partner, my grief of losing babies, my age and hormones and this wonderful Relapsing Polychondritis and the medications that goes with it....ugh!  

I 'liked' the pictures on Facebook...with love and gratitude for the growth, maturity and love I see in that man...for our sharing of so many things over the years, our travels worldwide, our experiences and the little ones that we never got to hold physically.  

You know what happened next?  I was looking out of the window at the view of the river and fields...and a little girl started to shout my name out...tying to find me in the house..     Eventually, she came into the bedroom and found me crying... She came onto the bed and cuddled me...she kissed me and tried to cheer me up with her funny ways.  Beautiful and sensitive young woman...I felt the nurturing of the sisterhood coming through this tiny body...

....and then, she asked if I would get her something to eat!  :).   As I prepared her a snack, she was doing her homework and shouted out a couple of times with queries..  That made me smile!  

And as I just finished typing, and about to publish...a little boy comes in...takes a look at my circling angel chimes, runs out saying 'love you Lisa'.  Xx

Life!    I am so blessed really....  

Namaste

X

Goodbye to 2012.....Welcome to 2013...

Well...its between Christmas and new year..I have been exhausted!  Not sure if its the time of year, my relapsing polychondritis, having my moon time, being around excited children that don't need a lot of sleep..or a combination of all those.

I have had to force myself to be social able when all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep....crazy.  Nearly in tears yesterday as with my partners family and I kept having to disappear upstairs to have 10mins lie down...before resurfacing for another half an hour or so.  How old am I?  Really getting me scared as to how I will be when I am older....  Can I cope with being around a family full time...  In my head a lot about it all.  

However, the final days of 2012...an up and down year..many things let go of and many things coming in new.  This new year will be different..I am usually with my good  friends bringing in the new year..this year i am with my beloved and his two children, their cats and milo!  

We are going to do a mini ritual together, writing down all the things we are thankful for, all the things we wish to let go of once and for all from 2012 and burn them in a fire.  Then we re going to write all the things we look forward to in 2013...and attach them to lanterns and release them to the sky after midnight.

Tomorrow, we are going to create a family happiness jar..I have talked about them before.  We will all decorate it and then fill it with notes, receipts, trinkets etc that have brought us happiness each day.  At the end of 2013, then we can empty it and look through them all.....why don't you try this...x

So... Thank you for all the love, support and feedback received from you during 2012....looking forward to seeing you in 2013...

Namaste

Xx

Solstice greetings ...to Christmas floods...

Belated solstice blessings!

The 21st was indeed a powerful morning.  As we moved through 11.11...felt light headed, energy pouring in, heat, very warm sensation...  I did the form  movement and yes, felt some shifts....  But no end of the world..ascension from this reality...so........

X

Again, it's been a while since I wrote anything..lots going on as ever in life.  I have had to go to London twice in the last couple of weeks to see my surgeon..to see whether my trachea is narrowing again..  They got the camera down so far without much sedation and it appears that what has happened is scarring from surgery has formed which has narrowed the airway slightly...but it doesn't look like any new inflammation has occurred..  I go again in 4 weeks to check again.

Last weekend I learned that a young women from the Facebook RP community had passed away..through  complications of relapsing polychondritis.  She had similar issues to me with her trachea...but they couldn't get the progression under control.    It has shaken the community as a whole somewhat as we each realise that one day, it could be us.

As I read about her death, her age (33) and that she leaves behind a little girl..it brought it home to me the seriousness of this thing.  Scary and for a few hours as the news sank it, I felt despondent...but also knowing that I absolutely trust in life,in source, in universal truth..  Made me more motivated to continue with my own healing...stop procrastinating!

Over the last few weeks , it has felt like time has speeded up again.  I have felt pressured and stressed and yet  I have no real direct responsibilities or job!  Everything has speeded up somehow.  I have been exhausted and not sure whether its energetic, my illness or the medications... But I am finding it hard ..I dont like having to take naps, say no to things and walk out of shops as I just can't face them.  :(

Today, I am sat in a house on the banks of the river wye...the river is in flood..and As I type the water is beginning to flow under the doors into the downstairs living space.  I am surrounded by murky water...debris, tree trunks etc floating by...  I have had fun though..I have been sat watching Xmas movies, making sausage rolls and preparing veg for tomorrow.  The two cats are not impressed they cannot go outside and even worse for them...they are having to share their home with a dog!  Milo hates water..he can't get outside either but at least he can use the balcony..when he's brave enough.

Lots happened in my lovelife... I have been humbled by my loves' courage and humility in wooing me to return..to forgive him.  It took much persistence and persuasion..  Forgiveness? Yes...but it seems that's actually harder to do when you are with the person...big learning for me not to take position, forgive unconditionally...and surprisingly possibly facing my own fear of commitment!  Anyway,   I am here...in his home, with his two children.   Spending Christmas here..should be fun...with the river doing its thing as well!  Oh..and the cats and dog being forced to get along for a few days without escape!

So..enjoy..and if I don't write before, see you in 2013!

X

Man listen up.....woman know your feminine power...

Man..listen up!   Women needs to hear, know and trust that you love her..utterly and completely before she can surrender fully to you.  When she surrenders, her flower opens, her petals will open and surround you..and you must be careful...be honouring...  As you would do if you picked a rare flower from the garden...  

Look into her eyes..deeply... Touch her passionately...  With reverence for the beauty she is.   

As you enter her...the sweetness will be so sweet it is indescribable..be tender but with authority..for it is that authority of the masculine that she yearns to surrender to.  

She will invite you in deeper..her kundalini on fire..it will entice you to go deeper and deeper still...  This is where man can distrust...fear the loss of his identity, his death..  He might want to take control and take this power for his pleasure alone.    Her snake will start to awaken...her body will move and undulate...enticing you to let go to her will...let the snake take you!   If you trust and let go to this..the sweetness you first tasted will seem distant in comparison.

If you are unable to take this..then that is ok... But in your withdraw, you also leave the feminine high on a precipice ...the energy will hurt in her belly...in her womb...and sadness..grief may rise in your women...hold her tight.. Place your hand gently on her belly and yoni...reassure her of your love still...she needs to know you love.

Make sure she is grounded and calm before you leave her energetically..don't roll over...don't fall asleep until you are sure she is ok..grounded and still..  Honour that opening within her...her shakti power.  It is this that you truly love...

X