Back home for a while...but still lurghified!

I Can't believe that its been nearly three weeks since I was at home.  I'm still feeling rubbish - even on the Steroids but at least I can breathe easier.  Had a trip to the hospital on Sunday to get them!

The drive home was tiring and I feel a bit like the 'Michillan Man' - my body has bloated up with the steroids so that none of my clothes look right and I feel all 'puffy'!  Ugh!

I am blessed though, I was looked after so well in Wiltshire and loved throughout all the moans and groans and my neighbours have tended my garden in my absence.  It looks so neat and tidy now...my flowers look amazing!

The last three weeks have certainly been a time for surrendering and clearing.

A psychic told me last week that she saw that my breathing problems were linked to one of my mothers past lives where she was hanged for the death of her baby - which was a cot death.  She had been cut down before she had died, survived and it stayed with her - the experience of choking etc.  I am supposed to be clearing out this karma for her - hence the miscarriages of both hers and mine as well.    She also said that my previous relationship had been clearing karma for my Father's past life - my current relationship being non-karmic!

The funny thing is though that the timing of this cold/flu thing I have had recently coincides with the anniversary of the end of that relationship last year - and the last time I had such a bad episode of cold/flu etc was when my breathing issues started - around 7/8 years ago!   So we shall see what transpires when I have recovered fully.

Hmmm..  I've not ever gone into past lives etc before but it was interesting and she went on to tell me that I am from Atlantis and had not been on Earth for over 10,000 years!   Hmmm!

More changes imminent though - one of my contracts will come to an end this week - it had gone on for longer than anticipated so I did well...and I have some 'breathing' space (lol) now for a few weeks to decide on what I want to do and where!  So many potentials - I am sure it will become clear...

I  hope so!

X

Lurghy..Muddy Festival and Lurghy! ugh!

Been ages since i wrote again - largely due to the fact I have been unwell for just over a week now.  laid up in bed largely, completely exhausted with various coldy symptoms, migraine and a regular bleed!  

Managed a few hours at Larmer Tree festival at the weekend to catch my fave Seth and a couple of other bands... but by the end of the day, could hardly walk through the mud back to the car!  Enjoyed it all immensely though.  :)

Since the weekend, back into bed I have retreated..looked after well, fluids, food and entertainment provided lovingly.   Symptoms hardly moving through - summer cold or clearing out - I've had a enough now!   I cant bring myself to get dressed yet, let alone get out and about in the world again.    I've even taken a step back from emailing and facebook - so sorry to all those that are waiting for a response to me. I just cant be doing it at the moment.  Maybe tomorrow!

Blog soon!

X

Returning to blog?

I haven’t written a blog entry for a long while – to be honest, not sure that I will put this one up..each day that I thought I would write, something got in the way or I didn’t know what to write or whether I should be writing my thoughts and feelings out in this way.

Its been a great way to get my thoughts, feelings and emotions out when I was mainly living on my own.  It was a way for me to interact with others, correspond with a few that in turn shared their response, albeit in a virtual world.  I suppose now that I am in a ‘significant’ relationship, the need for this has lessoned, maybe that’s why I’ve not written so much.

In any case, I am typing on this blank page and so far it feels right!

Life has flowed for me with love, health and work... I travel between Wiltshire and Worcestershire every so often – practically setting up two homes, moving clothes in suitcases and packing cars occasionally.  It is tiring, the two hour journey is as tiring being a passenger.   Being able to work from anywhere has been a gift – all I need is my laptop and the internet.

My relationship has got serious and I cant remember the last time I was treated so well and loved so openly.  Thing is that because I am not used to it, its difficult for me to receive and I am having to re-establish how I am in this new dynamic.  It seems that I cant trust anything I feel or think and I sit on the fence dithering, unable to make the leap and dive in.   My head battles with its thoughts, mainly doubts and my heart  - well it is sad for me to admit that I no longer am able to recognise it.  The past, the future seems to push in and create its little play.

I have been awful at times, pushing the boundaries to see how far I can go…knowing that that was what I was doing but being unable to stop.  I can see how I am effected by hormonal swings, moon cycles, and I wonder if I am also feeling cosmic/planetary changes as well.  It seems there are many that are struggling, feeling low, lethargic, making moves then stalling etc.  Ugh!

However, I am conscious and aware enough to see the play and the little games..and I will not allow fear and past to mask what is real.  I cant put my life on hold whilst I sort all this out internally, emotionally, waiting for 100% clarity or comets in October 2011 or the mayan 2012..ridiculous! 

So there you go… I’ve broken the silence and it feels ok to write once more.

Thank you for listening!

Namaste

Lunar Eclipse..Full Moon energies...

Been ages since I last wrote anything..not sure why really..

However, today, woke up feeling dizzy and sick, grouchy, hot and exhausted!  So spending the day in bed thus far!  Vertigo, virus, full moon, eclipse energy, humidity outside, pmt..all could be reasons but it doesn't really matter - welcoming being able to languish in bed, sleep on and off and be looked after.   

Feels like my body is transforming the cosmic energies, many of my sisters are feeling similar things and now I have started to spot bleed, feels like over the next few days, I will be releasing.

So.. allowing and relishing this lovely big bed, some new books to read and maybe even a dvd or two!

XX

Sparkling Wellington Boot's Therapy!

Again, been a while since my last blog...lots of shifts and turns, ups and downs along the way.  

My body continues to be a medical enigma - another consultant signing me away with inconclusive possibilities, no clear cut path to follow.  Once again, stopped all medication that I've been trying for the last few weeks as there was no significant change and many unwanted side effects..feeling much clearer now they are getting out of my system. 

Awaiting my next bleed - already the pain has started, days earlier than scheduled..which today has left me listless, tired, not motivated..just wanting to curl up with the dog really.  However, I've just forced myself up the hill with Milo, putting on my new sparkly wellies for the first time!  What therapy!    Seeing them sparkle in the odd bit of sunray...through the wet grass.. made me smile!   Bliss...

Collected some nettles for some tea on the way back which I am sipping now as I type...

Thank goodness for sparkly wellies!

XX

Wonderful Lyrics by Dido - This Land is Mine

"From behind these walls I hear your song
Oh, sweet words
The music that you play lights up my world
The sweetest that I’ve heard
Could it be that I’ve been touched and turned
Oh Lord, please finally…finally things are changing

This land is mine but I’ll let you rule
I let you navigate and demand
Just as long as you know…this land is mine
So find your home and settle in
Ohhh, I’m ready to let you in
Just as long as we know…this land is mine

After all the battles and the wars
The scars and loss
I’m still the queen of my domain
and feeling stronger now
The walls are down a little more each day
Since you came, finally…finally things are changing
Follow the days I’ve travelled alone
In this cold and colorless place till now
It’s what I had to pay

This land is mine and I let you rule
I let you navigate on demand
Just as long as you know…this land is mine"

 
ahhhh...  XX

A Journey of Awakening Woman: Ever learning..growing.. Relationships!

A Journey of Awakening Woman: Ever learning..growing.. Relationships!: "I haven't written for ages again..been enjoying loving, resting, gently working and playing..interweaved with a couple of bouts of health st..."