I have been on retreat for the last week or so, sitting with people I hadnt met before, discovering new paths, tools, flavours of dances...
for want of a better word, 'learning' something called 'Ilahinoor', brought through by a very humble man called Kiara. It is an Energy transmissions that for me was as deep as 'The Form', which I have shared for years adn will contine to do so.. however, Ilahinoor is being shared in a very different way with humanity. I will leave discussion of these for another time, but most significantly for me, was my recognition of a forgotten resonance with Whales/dolphin energy..
Kiara had an experience with a whale some years ago and he brings this into his work... I remembered at the beginning of the week that I had been given a tape of whale/dolphin sounds when I was in hospital following my near death (13 yrs ago).. I played that tape practically 24/7 for 6 weeks, continually meditating and experiencing so much on different levels of consciousness. However, since then, I have never been drawn to play such music again.
That tape, took me in to such a calm, meditative state, that I was able to 'deal' with all that was thrown at me to clear at that time.. I took so much energy from the whales/dolphin communications...amazing! How could I forget...I never said thank you!
At the end of the retreat this week, we worked in groups and I had the following realisation when it was my turn in the middle:
I went in, deep, into nothingness, blackness...easily. ..I didnt want to breathe...just wanted to disappear and go home, into the cosmos...I had stopped breathing and it was wonderful.. however at some point, I was aware that the people around me had moved away and I knew my time in the session was over and I needed to move, and serve the others. But to do that.. I had to take a breathe, return to my physical body and breathe again.. it was painful.. both the struggle to return, to breathe and come into my body and also knowing that I had a choiceless choice to return to serve...that was what I needed to do.
Its not the first time that has happened.. but I had 'thought' I had come through this and was accepting of the fact, I am here, in a body..and that I have a job to do. but no, it came back.
I have unexplained breathing problems on a day to day basis...of course if I am not accepting that I am in the body, I am here.. of course I am having issues with this! The others were saying, we want you here, come back, you have a job to do etc etc... I just shook my head and cried.
I was lead to lay down and not work on anyone else and I allowed my self to enter that nothingness again..knowing that the others were ok.. and it was amazing... I 'returned' (?) to the sea, was underwater, I could breathe under water..it was freeing... and I danced with many whales, of different 'races', I could feel my own flesh and so enjoyed the breath underwater..
At some point, I found that I had swum onto some land..half in water, half in the air.. and I struggled again..It was as though my flesh was transforming into limbs..and I slowly uncurled fingers, toes and could feel the sand underneath me...but each time, I tried to move.. I felt a hand on me, gently encouraging me to go back into the water... and I surrendered to that... that happened several times, each time, it felt I had evolved into another form, about to take the first moves and I would gently be pushed back into the water.
All this was new to me, I have never had a particular resonance with whales/dolphins and I cannot swim, hate having my head in the water... dislike boats..the lot! However, there was such a clear message in all this, my reluctance to accept that I am here to serve in some way, the link with my own breathing problems etc. I have never had suicidal thoughts and I would not choose to leave this body that way...this is more a knowing that on some level, I can choose to leave and disappear..and that is tempting...but I also deeply know that I need to be here in human form at this time.
So...I am inspired to go deeper into this water/whale connection - quite how as i cannot swim I dont know yet. Maybe I dont need to. I keep being told that I have a job to do, that I am needed..even this weekend several people said this and they hardly spent time with me..I shake my head at them..because I have no idea how to do this, what my purpose is.. I can only trust that this will become clear when the time is right...
If you want to know more about Ilhainoor or The Form, their websites are:
www.ilahinoor.net
www.bernieprior.org
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