A foggy, misty day here in Worcestershire! The snow has practically gone, Milo flatly refuses to go out and hogging the settee, cosy by the fire. So we are both hibernating.
Musings at the moment amongst my friends with some familiar stories... man saying that he loves a woman but not IN love with her... Man saying 'just wants to be friends'...not ready etc etc... Woman feels these words so...much pain is caused. Same old cycles and patterns....
One of my male friends has just come through an experience and he has given me permission to share a recent email he sent me:
"The key learning is that it is an illusion for me to believe that Love only comes into my Life through a woman that I am in 'relationship' with. This belief as well as being untrue puts too much pressure on 'her' and expects her to live up to something that is impossible. Love is within me and all around me and I find it particularly easy to connect with in nature or in the creative arts such as dance and music. When I connect with this then the 'personal' Love that I may receive from another is like the icing on the cake, or a picture frame that brings out the beauty of a magnificent painting.
My old belief meant that once the newness and passion of a new relationship began to slip into the inevitable more familiar next stages of relationship there would be a voice within saying to me:
'"This will end, you will not find what you seek with this woman, so you may as well walk away. You are dishonouring her by being with her, you are just waiting for 'the one' and she is not 'the one'. A real man would walk away. It is unfair to be with her just till something better comes up. You cannot stay with her for fear of being alone. Leave her and do what you must. Perhaps the next woman will be 'the one'. "
Now, while the voice is true in that she alone will not give me what I seek, that is a Life of Love, it is untrue in leading me to believe that another woman will be able to. The children's story and countless sages tell of the 'Treasure Within' and while we spend our time searching the depths of the ocean and the highest mountains all the time The Treasure lies within. The Treasure of real Love lies within. The place where we refuse to look!!! Where I refused to look....until now.
It is clear that the myth of finding Love through our relationship with the opposite sex is sustained by society through Hollywood films etc.
I see that I do not need to cause us both pain by leaving something that is beautiful. I do not need to be so hard, so black and white. The journey of Love is not linear. It is not ends and beginnings. It is a dance. If one of us should meet another then so be it. We will share and talk and decide how to be with that if and when it happens. But I am not unconsciously or consciously seeking, waiting for 'the one' any more. My focus is on the Love within me and around me."
Insights indeed - thank you beautiful man..
As woman we also hold a 'romantic' view of love..hollywood style.fairytale story - expecting a knight in shining armour to collect us in his arms...take off with us in the sunset.. happy ever after! but weigh this up against the true yearning of wanting man to have the courage to lose his 'independance' and step right in... fully in... so painful when he doesnt, isnt able to for whatever reason.
Woman, we must take responsibility for our power...connect with Mother, nature, love that is us..without the need for physical man. Woman is love. However, when that man is physically there, to be soft, vulnerable and surrendered...giving him the space to be the man he truly is. Patience, tolerance, enouragement, humbleness, openness to what is..how it is, no matter how it looks... all part of learning, growth, human evolution.
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