Magical Isle of Wight...Wonder filled Music...

Something magical happened over the weekend..  I travelled over to the Isle of Wight with two very wonderful musicians/singer/songwriters... My first time in the Isle of of Wight and I am not sure whether it was the magic of the Isle, the music or the combination that I found so healing...

On the second gig, I sat and listened to a soundcheck and then the main performance...it seemed that I was being touched by every note, every sound, every vocal, every key on the piano..deeply.  The resonance I felt in my body was sometimes overwhelming...tears of sheer bliss would overcome me.

Deborah's voice had a quality to it that was so deep and it seemed to vibrate every cell in my body. Martin on piano was totally immersed..I could feel his devotion to his gift.  The combination of them both and the history/energy of the buildings they performed in seemed to gel together so perfectly.    I have had a few sound healing sessions and this was a similar experience...it was emotional..there was a sense that I was listening to and experiencing magic..a piece of history in the making.  I felt privileged to be present in the room, to be a part of it, to witness it.  I was conscious of not holding on to each moment but truly relishing every delicious moment..

I was not the only one to feel this...a couple of people from the audience were in awe of what they had experienced also.  Sublime.  I went to bed after their final performance feeling intoxicated with joy, gratitude and appreciation.

The following morning I woke up in love...I actually said out loud.. "I am in love".. and then stopped and thought..but who with?  what with?...  Life of course...it shouted within me..a joy for life..in love with life!    It really felt like I had been making love physically all night..  I had gone to bed with joy, gratitude and appreciation and woke up with the same vibration..my body vibrating with bliss.

I love music, love sound..love any sound that resonates with my body, my cells, my spirit.  When it happens, I soar..every cell vibrates with bliss and my heart sings in joy. 

Namaste to all musicians, singers, songwriters, composers....who are following their lifes’ purpose and sharing their gift with the world...  I love to support you in any way I can..

Deborah's website:  http://deborahrose.co.uk/wp/
Martin's website: www.martinriley.info

ps.  I have typed this blog entry whilst having to be bed-rested because of a sprained ankle!   It certainly feels like I am being asked to be still, to integrate at the moment..

Magical Deepenings...Earth Changes...

Witnessing the Earth's changes through social network sites like watching a disaster movie but you know its really happening, somewhere, out there... imagining what it must be like to be faced with a huge wall of water bearing down..not knowing which way to run to.

Would I take flight or would I just close my eyes and surrender to what was happening...let the universe decide?  Would I suffer or would I transcend?  

These changes have long been foretold. The solar flares were noted a little while ago and these are now being felt on Earth..lots of talk of polar shifts, super volcanic activity, mayan prophecy etc etc

Greg Braden - Magnectic Field

http://www.kairosastrology.co.uk/astro/?p=129

The Revolution...

No need for me to say anything else on this.  More changes will happen...   Videos say it all.

At the same time, over the weekend, I have been enveloped in a deepening love with a man that has been able to meet me ..reaching the depths of who I am as a physical woman as well as the cosmic I, energy body. I have seen again how the masculine energy comes through all man and I am blessed to be physically connected with Him in my loving with this particular man.

Our dance has been exquisite..leaving me breathless, fulfilled and radiant!   

Truly blessed and honoured.  Namaste.

X

Yearning of Woman..Aloneness.

I posted a music video on my facebook page yesterday - its a song written by a man, who talks of ‘holding’ woman in a tender, beautiful way. The link is below.

It has prompted some Sisters to write to me and a couple have posted on my wall with their tears, pain and fear that there are no men that are really committed to a deeper way of living and loving.

Much pain, sadness around the feminine principle it seems...sudden death of their beloved, sudden walk out of family home, years of not being met in a deep place, hurt by abuse, lack of commitment etc.. these are some of the ‘stories’ I have heard this week.

The feminine principle yearns to be met by true man who is committed to a deeper way of living and loving. She fears that there just aren’t men out there...tired of opening, giving of love to be disillusioned again and again. This particular song was written by Man and passed onto me by Man!

Aloneness – in the human form this comes and goes, a cycle, a fact of life. Maybe our challenge as Woman is to not close down when we have no physical beloved. She can use these times of aloneness to go deeper into her inner love. For me, I meditate, hold a tree as if it were my lover. Give it and the Earth your love and passion..breathe deep and you will feel the energy go through your body – see what happens next!

Eat well, dance, sing, read, enjoy nature, paint, draw, write..do anything that is creative...anything that you enjoy with a passion.....

With grace maybe that physical form will show up... if we are surrendered and open then that Man has an opportunity to meet us fully. I have written a few times of my sadness, despair, heartache and not perfect in all of this but I have never given up. I trust..

Love and tender hugs to all beautiful Sisters....

Musings on Love!

A foggy, misty day here in Worcestershire! The snow has practically gone, Milo flatly refuses to go out and hogging the settee, cosy by the fire. So we are both hibernating.

Musings at the moment amongst my friends with some familiar stories... man saying that he loves a woman but not IN love with her... Man saying 'just wants to be friends'...not ready etc etc... Woman feels these words so...much pain is caused. Same old cycles and patterns....

One of my male friends has just come through an experience and he has given me permission to share a recent email he sent me:

"The key learning is that it is an illusion for me to believe that Love only comes into my Life through a woman that I am in 'relationship' with. This belief as well as being untrue puts too much pressure on 'her' and expects her to live up to something that is impossible. Love is within me and all around me and I find it particularly easy to connect with in nature or in the creative arts such as dance and music. When I connect with this then the 'personal' Love that I may receive from another is like the icing on the cake, or a picture frame that brings out the beauty of a magnificent painting.

My old belief meant that once the newness and passion of a new relationship began to slip into the inevitable more familiar next stages of relationship there would be a voice within saying to me:

'"This will end, you will not find what you seek with this woman, so you may as well walk away. You are dishonouring her by being with her, you are just waiting for 'the one' and she is not 'the one'. A real man would walk away. It is unfair to be with her just till something better comes up. You cannot stay with her for fear of being alone. Leave her and do what you must. Perhaps the next woman will be 'the one'. "

Now, while the voice is true in that she alone will not give me what I seek, that is a Life of Love, it is untrue in leading me to believe that another woman will be able to. The children's story and countless sages tell of the 'Treasure Within' and while we spend our time searching the depths of the ocean and the highest mountains all the time The Treasure lies within. The Treasure of real Love lies within. The place where we refuse to look!!! Where I refused to look....until now.

It is clear that the myth of finding Love through our relationship with the opposite sex is sustained by society through Hollywood films etc.

I see that I do not need to cause us both pain by leaving something that is beautiful. I do not need to be so hard, so black and white. The journey of Love is not linear. It is not ends and beginnings. It is a dance. If one of us should meet another then so be it. We will share and talk and decide how to be with that if and when it happens. But I am not unconsciously or consciously seeking, waiting for 'the one' any more. My focus is on the Love within me and around me."


Insights indeed - thank you beautiful man..

As woman we also hold a 'romantic' view of love..hollywood style.fairytale story - expecting a knight in shining armour to collect us in his arms...take off with us in the sunset.. happy ever after! but weigh this up against the true yearning of wanting man to have the courage to lose his 'independance' and step right in... fully in... so painful when he doesnt, isnt able to for whatever reason.

Woman, we must take responsibility for our power...connect with Mother, nature, love that is us..without the need for physical man. Woman is love. However, when that man is physically there, to be soft, vulnerable and surrendered...giving him the space to be the man he truly is. Patience, tolerance, enouragement, humbleness, openness to what is..how it is, no matter how it looks... all part of learning, growth, human evolution.

Freedom! Hair chopped, cutting of past energies...an epipheny

Had my hair cut yesterday which for those of you that know me better, can be a bit of thing.. I like my long hair..and what with illness, stress and a rogue hairdresser earlier this year...I've done nothing but moan about my hair for months!  Yesterday, went to a new one..who talked through it all, cut it so it looked better...and was reassured that it would all be ok again with a couple of months!  mainly due to the rogue hairdresser cutting too many layers in last time!   its actually very healthy!

So... feel so much better...and went out last night to a beautiful concert by Nigel and Carolyn from Dartmoor...  so lovely..I meditated a lot, sank in and watched the pictures of Dartmoor Stones and woods...with lovely thoughts of times past there, past loves etc etc.....

An epipheny mometn earlier whilst washing up of all things!   Hands in suds.. I suddenly thought...and said out loud.. F***... what a fool you have been woman!!   I suddenly had a flash of some of the discussions I had had with the ex, comments he had made and I had listened, accepted them and..stayed!  too long!   So compromising myself and my truth!  I deserved and do deserve better!  He is a good man, lovely, sensitive, adorable BUT not ready to be in relationship with me..it is possible for us to fall in love and not be able to stay together.. 

So...  had let him go already,, but now..even more cutting of the chords that tie...  no more shrines to love that has gone!  I love here and now..this moment....  wonderfully freeing...  went into the woods..  So different now that all the leaves are on the ground, still so beautiful and full of energy...  i slipped on my bum twice in the mud - in the same place.  Tinkering going on in there I am sure.   I took some new pics of the wood last week which I will post on here... some have spotten tree spirits in the photos..can you see them?  An amazing Yoni in a tree trunk too.....beautiful!

From CT Scans to Foraging Weekends!

Had my CT scan today - weird sensation.  Being injected with this dye..could feel it surging through my body - warm but had no control over it.  Really disconcerting senstation - of not being in control of something in my own body..  The actual x-ray side of things didnt bother me - but the dye left me feeling a bit out of it and toxic. 

Anyway, feel like times has raced this week - gone so fast.  I've not slept much, tossing and turning with unwanted dreams.  Mainly of love that is no longer here physically - each day, I cut the chords, chop the ties and each night, they get re-attached in dream world.  A sister thought that maybe I am working with that person on some other level..maybe? 

So, off down to wonderful Devon again this weekend, to visit friends for some loving and a forage walk to discover (hopefully) some new plants and mushrooms!   Back soon.

Surrendering and release...power for renewed growth.

1st November, Samhain yesterday...auspicious turning of the wheel of the year.   Letting go of that which has outlived its fruitfulness so that its decay can release back into the earth, nutrients that will power next Spring's renewed growth.

Thats where I feel I am..  saying goodbye to the ex who had been looking after Milo for the weekend...love still strong and energy connected..but  now is not the time..his journey of discovery taking a different road.  As I said goodbye, I re-cut the chords that had been connected during his visit, could feel the oxycotin hormone going through my body, so visualised it travelling down my spine, through my Yoni into the earth... 

I then sat in my own couldron for a while (Hot tub!)... meditating in the darkness, with the warmth of the water and the soft bubbles releasing energy all over.  Bliss.  Sat in front of my Goddess Altar before sleep, I again, cut and cut all attachments, opening to the new, and welcoming in Life.  Magical time of year.

Dreamt of us being passionate together all night - which felt like it was undoing all my detaching work!  Made me laugh this morning!  So, constantly having to re-check where I'm attached, letting it go...  about to go into the woods, very misty this morning.. Perfect!

Surrender..Love..Truth of Life.

A sister sent me this poem yesterday.. such truth!  

I will love you unconditionally.
Every day I will let you go.
You are free my love.
...Where so ever you tread
I will love you.
In whoever's arms you may lay
I will love you.
Whenever you come to me
I will honour every moment
as a gift of new-ness
unexpected.
I will hold you in my arms
as if it were our first time.
My heart is ever open.
There is only Love.

~Yuri Leitch ~

This says more about what is occuring in my life right now than anything else I could write....

Herbs, Steroids..exes!

Another crappy nights sleep - its been ages since I had a good nights sleep..  last night though, I had a temperature,headachy and thoughts of exes!  bah!

Taking some herbs prescribed to me by a herbalist...and then starting a weeks course of Steroids..couldnt stand the sstruggle to breathe and cope with no sleep any more.  feel a little disappointed in myself as I feel I ought to just go with the herbs and get through it..but...  the steroids are only for a week!

Met with the ex last night to give him Milo to look after for the weekend whilst I am away...bittersweet meeting.  Still as gorgeous to me as ever, I still love him!  Bloomin annoying - it would have been perfect to have not felt anything when I was with him..so hard!    Hes shifting loads, moving, going through lots of past death stuff..he needs to the journey on his own I see that.. 

So up early..going to pack my stuff, get ready for the drive down to Devon...  a weekend of loving, friends and foraging!  I'm going on a foraging course during my stay - cant wait!

Life is Short! Melancholy!

I've spent all morning dusting, hoovering, clearning, baking...feels good in my little cottage but cant help feeling just a little bit melancholy.  Swaying to some gentle music as I type this - quite frankly yearning for my lovers arms to be wrapped around me, swaying with me!

I watch as I dip into lonliness, sadness, yearning.. and then a shake...a shudder of my physical body.. to be fully here, now, present and alive!  I can close my eyes, right now.. and sink, sink into the depths of blackness..and can experience both bliss and despair..simultaneously it seems.

A friend is coming around for lunch and we going to a gig tonight - wonderful, and looking forward to it..but my mind comes in with 'this is the ex's fave band, his friend really, how will I feel tonight'   ...bah!  Tomorrow, a guy I recently met is treating me to a picnic somewhere - hes cooking some vegan food especially - I feel like a princess when I think about that... only thing is, he's not my beloved...

You see, black and white, darkness and light, positive and negative...sadness and happiness..illness and health.  All part of life, the divine plan..  wonderful really...human experience....

I promise I will remember!  

Despair, Sinking, dark places,...Sleep.........beautiful day today!

Yesterday evening I went into this dark place, revealed a dark side..one that isnt real, one that wishes to hurt, one that wishes to be noticed and soothed...  I was alone, feeling sorry for myself, trying not to anticipate another sleepless night of breathing problems...

I didnt help myself consciously, instead, I had a glass of wine...so the wrong thing to do.. for it only assisted in my spiralling down into more despair and negativity.  A friend skyped me and in the middle of our conversation, I switched the computer..wanting her to worry about what had happened... it felt good but immediately I knew that was so unreal...and felt sick that I could even think/do such a thing..  dark side revealed herself!     I have been stopping myself crying for fear that it would only make my bloodshot eyes and breathing worse.. but this time, i didnt stop it.. I cried and cried, releasing all the 'crap' I'd held in..

I threw the rest of the wine away, switched off the comedy dvd's, that were supposed to be 'cheering me up',  ate something to soak up the alchohol and sat outside under the half moon...then lit the candles on my altar and meditated...became more centred and real with myself.

In preparation for bed, I propped up loads of pillows to enable me to sit up in bed to help my breathing, lit a candle, got a hot water bottle, prepared a hot drink in a flask for the night and decided to take half a sleeping tablet that my doctor gave me last year.  I hate the feeling of 'losing control' when taking such a drug... but I hoped it woudl relax me and my windpipe/lungs enough to enable me to get some sleep...  I drifted off watching the half moon sink out of the window frame.

I awoke in the early hours to Milo howling at the phone ringing..it was a friend, a guy that I have become close to..he was concerned about me..worried that I might choose to stop breathing again.. and die...   We talked for ages, me propped up in bed, I cried some more, released some more stuff, admitting that my  body aches and aches...  He loved me through in his own way...and I fell to sleep gently.

The sunshine through my blind awoke me this morning...everything looks brighter of course.. blue skies..although cold.  I feel like I have been hit by a bus..but at least my eyes have gone back to their clear white..and slowly my body is releasing its tension and coming back to me.   My breathing is still bad, my throat seems so closed...but I know that the last lot of work I;ve done on it went deep.. and it will take gentleness and time to integrate... I dont want it dampened down or calmed.. I need to heal this..whatever it is....

Powerful women, flavours of dance, Kali!

Energies abound in the night...couldnt sleep and so it seems neither did some of my sisters!

Its amazing and humbling to share with sisters experiencing pain from what seems to be a loss of love, whether through separation, death or illness...  similar flavours of the same dance.    Its through this dance, ever deepening journey which is what allows us as women to reconnect with the source directly, feel and know that love directly with the beloved, regardless of the external play.    

We are truly powerful women!  We all have our own way of fulfilling this deep desire, to be fulfilled completely... and we truly already know that we cannot be separate from love for we are that.     I once lay next to the shell of the man that had once met me in divine union... the shape of the man was still there, but He was gone... it hurt, there was such longing for what had been, attachment to the past and unwillingness to accept what was in the present... for me, I lay in the darkness, placed my hand on my heart and abdoman, and breathed... breathed in love, consciousness and breathed out...closing my eyes and sinking into the sensation..I was not alone, I was never alone... I am love and connected to source directly...grateful to have had the expeirence of divine union..some never have or will ahve that direct knowledge!

And I have already written about connecting again through nature, through choosing a tree and melting into that that way...truly blessed we are!

however, we are in a physical human form, we are having a human experience..and we do feel emotions that need not be dismissed as in some teachings..  they are there to show us something real.. the difference is is that if we are conscious of what they showing us, then we dont get hooked into them or dwell/sink and lose ourselves in them.  Surely that is more real than denying that they even exist - which to me is another sneaky form of ego?

There are ways that we can love ourselves physically, in our human bodies;  it may be through meditation, music, dance, song, loving nature, hugging trees, healing, massage, sorting papers/files, cleaning windows, doing our nails, sorting our jewellery, gardening, making something....sisters, go now, write a list of everything you want to do... everything. on one sheet..not prioritise it, or put it into categories,,just list them.   And then take pleasure in going to that list when you have 'moments'  and choosing something to do off that list.... and then crossing it out when done!     Its wonderful and satisfying...

Onto where I currently am on this journey; I am being 'seen', being loved from afar, being pursued, being wooed...and it is wonderful!   My ears have not heard such devotion to She for a while...  I am also being seen as Kali..one that is capable of taking her knife of truth and dispensing with anything less with directness , honesty and love.  That is scary for man that approaches.. he must have the courage and strength to face her directly and be willing to die for She..  She is patient and surrendered.

I welcome and honour man that takes that step..

Lurgies, Dreams, Lions..

Disturbed night of feeling rubbish with sore throat, headache, runny nose....and many dreams..

The last dream stayed with me the most. I was sharing a house with the ex and his ex partner..all living together. He gradually got more distance until one day he said I must go..but she asked me to stay, that I was needed, that he would soften. He didnt, and as i was packing up my room, she was cleaning the windows repeating to me I must stay! Outside in teh garden, there was some sort of workshop happening..all these women were being trained how to put their heads into a lions head.. there were all these lions on the grass and the women were taking it in turns! Eventually, he came back to me (I was picking up cutlery off the floor) and said what will it take to help you leave....all the time, she was behind him saying stay... I woke up then, realising that there had always been three in the relationship, he had never stopped loving her, couldnt let her go..even though she had clearly moved on herself. He kept hold of her energetically and it had always been around...

So..if anyone knows of the significance of the lions etc, please let me know.. they feel significant!

I have delayed going off to Devon for another day... I feel unwell so will take it easy today, visit the woods maybe, and have one more night in my own bed before heading off...

Festival..Heathrow Dash..Clarity again...

Cambridge folk festival was good.. discovered a couple of new bands that I enjoyed.. although overall, I found the whole experience hard going. In hindsight, perhaps it wasnt such a good idea..this was mixing in the scene that the ex was in..some of the bands he introduced me to were playing and I found myself thinking about him a lot..plus I started to bleed heavily whilst I was there... I do feel right now that I need to also let go of the circles/scene he moved in.

On the way home, I got a call for an emergency pick up of a friend that had become stranded at Heathrow.. and we stayed in a hotel togetehr overnight...and today, we spent the day sharing, talking and eating at a service station picnic area on the M40! My bleed allowing me to soften, and surrender more easily.. at times, the energy of the bleed today has been immense...stopping me in my tracks. We spent the afternoon sitting on the grass which was the closest I could get to bleeding on the earth!

After dropping her off at the airport again, I drove home with some more clarity and sense of peace.. I played Peruquois and Praful new track which has moved me since the first time I heard it in concert..and sang and sang.. as I got closer to where he lives up the M40, I sank within deeper and sang louder and louder..pouring the lvoe that I feel out through the open windows...knowing he would hear..

This sounds as though it was painful today.. you know it wasnt.. I was beaming, smiling in gratitute for what I had received, what we had shared. I said thank you to the countryside we walked in, which I could now see across the motorway..thank you for all the sights, smells, new places we had explored..the new depths, the love that we had shared.

I love and so I let go... love has to be free.. a mother lets go of her children when they old enough to leave home... to prevent them would not be loving and would prevent them growing... To hold on to love that is not free will quickly turn that love into something not true and resentment.

I saw today that he did not have a choice really in leaving.. on some level, he knows he has his own journey to take and I have mine too. For either of us to try to stifle the others' journey out of willfullness would be dishonouring of the love we shared. There is a divine plan in all this.. I trust that. And there is a man who can reflect to me as deep and even deeper.. Now although I have seen this clarity before, this felt more 'concrete' for want of a better word.

Friendship? this I am not clear on yet, I am friends with another ex partner, but that has taken some time to pass to get to that place. However, I am more mature in consciousness now, would I be able to spend time and not get all caught up in emotions - I dont know?

As I drove past the town, I thanked again in love, blew a kiss, and then repeated the cd again and again... singing, shouting and visualising the cutting of all attachments and ties...welcoming the new.

MMMMM! X

Man..sorry this one may not be for you!

or maybe it is!

Over the last 24 hours I have got increasingly more disorientated, forgetful, not being able to function as I normally do.. almost dizzy as in typical 'blonde dizzy'! Really funny at times like forgetting immediately what someone has just said..and also a bit worrying.

I;ve increasingly become frustrated and getting irritated at.. dare I say it... the masculine energies.. not just man as such..but things like beurocratic nonsense from authorities. I received a letter from the employment office asking me a tonne of questions that I have already answered face to face.. and at the time said.. are you sure I dont need to fill something else in! Of course, they had 'forgotten' a form - which means a further delay in them sorting things out!

Irritation with man in physical form.. feeling that I am just not beign heard...this was highlighted when a man picked on a couple of words in a whole paragraph..instead of looking at the energy underneath and the whole picture of what I was saying, I got a response based on my terminology! this has happened many times to me.. I am trying to say something..just so happen to say the 'wrong' word that has a 'different' meaning to the man..and this is what they concentrate on..rather than looking at the whole thing of what I was saying. The whole conversation then reverts to these couple of words and the rest ignored. BAH! :)

Also, man's lack of love, lack of empathy for woman. Separating their love, individualising it..thinking that 'love' can only be declared for 'certain' people in their lives.. I love all beings for we are all connected.. as brother and sister. So i might say I love you to a woman as a friend as well as to my lover. I will extend my honesty and softness to all.

Lack of empathy, and not being able to be humble in their interaction with woman, giving up on their 'position', their 'comfort' in order to honour the woman that is standing in front of them. Sad and it is painful.

I know that this dynamic can be reversed..woman can be just as dishonouring and lack love..

So at risk of being slotted into the box of 'pre menstrual' woman rant...yes, at the rise of the full moon, I bleed..early..shouldnt be here yet which releases a lot of all this tension and irritation. Explains my lack of patience and being sensitive to things that probably wouldnt have got to me in the same way on other occasions. BUT, that doesnt negate anything I have said, for a woman to come into bleed, means that she is coming more into her power, yes more sensitive to energies, absolutely nothing wrong with that.

So, I am typing this at the same time as trying to get through to my GP surgery to cancel my 3rd smear test! Each time now I happended to have bled unexpectedly on the allotted day! My body being wise maybe? After all my cancer scares though, they are keen to check it all... mmmmm!

ok.. got through.. re-scheduled.. sorted..

I LOVE YOU ALL!
X

Yearnings, Longings, Pain and Trust

Not sure what to write just now...but as I type, I am sure words will come.  All day, I have been shall we say ‘stewing’....and been having a sort of longing..  to be seen and met fully..on all levels, but especially physically.   Being intimate physically is an important part of being human and at times today  I have just wanted to be held, loved and connected with...and if I am honest, I have felt angry at this not being fulfilled.  Mixed with all these feelings are the deep knowing that all is ok, that I am blessed for what I have experienced thus far and see that there is a higher or larger energy at play....which I am not yet able to see.. So I must trust, in life, love, truth, the universe, god or whatever the label is...and surrender to what is..and acceptance..and for the most part I do. The full moon coming, hormones, earth and female cycles, little me, all have an effect on all this..

The walk in the countryside during the day with the dogs was healing..feeling the earth, grass and water under my feet..and just breathing..deeply..letting go.  The following scene played out; The dogs played well together but then she would get over zealous and start to become over-bearing to Milo..and he in turn would attempt to push her away by snapping and snarling.  Now all she wanted to do was play..she was being herself.. her tail was wagging enthusiastically...but for Milo, he needed some space..a little time between play and didn’t react well to being cajoled into play...it was just too much for him.  For her..she couldn’t understand Milo’s reaction..why wouldn’t he join her in this fun, why did he not want to play..surely Milo enjoys it all just as much..etc etc  In turn, when Milo was performing his tricks, fetching and bringing sticks etc, she would get irritated with him, bark at him and attempt to distract him.  Milo didn’t hardly notice...all he was concentrating on was his stick!  At the end of the day, their energies were different, they had different ideas of what play was, and how much they were prepared to play each others idea of a game.....

In the evening, I sat with two sisters, sharing. Another heartache being experienced..in a totally different way..a disconnection through illness/body trauma...another facet of longing, yearning and grief, pain and loss...even though the physical body is still ‘present’ and sharing the same bed. Showing me again that if we share, we discover that we are not alone in the things/issues we are facing in our lives..

My eyes are not able to stay open for too much longer... Love to all my sisters and brothers facing seemingly difficult times right now... all is ok though.. we just have to stop focusing on the past and the future... live our lives fully in the present...and trust that all will become clear.

Gentleness.

Another brief entry..just been reading a beautiful sisters blog : The Journey of A Singing Woman who has just led a womens retreat in Holland.

She talks of a mother who had miscarried a child..she had closed her body, heart, voice and through the retreat opened up once more...   This touched me deeply, soft tears for the three babies I  have also lost...gentle greiving and a heart to heart recognition of another's grief..  Thank you my sisters..


A Journey of The Singing Woman

Surfing the Waves......

Just a quick entry before I go for a walk with the dogs into the woods..

I feel very clear and in the flow of life right now...  perfect description really:  Surfing the Waves...  as underneath my 'board', I can feel the waves of emotion, thoughts, feelings, excitement, fear, love, gratitude, etc and there 'I' am, riding them all like a surfer in the sea.... 

just flowing with wherever the currents of life wish to take me....

Exhilerating...

Planets, the cosmos and power animals.

I looked back at some of the recent planetary goings on...  the solar eclipse on the 11th signalled a beginning of a new cycle in life..a time to act and make decisions that we have been hesitant about before..from then on for the next six months is the period to make changes to those aspects of our lives that we are dissatisfied with..releasing all that no longer serve you.. very poignant..

Someone has sent me some info on power animal energy and the meaning of deer energy which I wish to share:  (following my earlier blog)

Deer's medicine includes gentleness in word, thought and touch. The ability to listen, grace and appreciation for the beauty of balance. Understanding of what's necessary for survival, power of gratitude and giving, ability to sacrifice for the higher good, connection to the woodland goddess, alternative paths to a goal.  Deer has entered your life to help you walk the path of love with full consciousness and awareness, to know that love sometimes requires caring and protection, not only in how we love others, but also in how we love ourselves. Deer teaches us to be gentle, to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are in our lives. Don't push people to change, rather gently nudge them in right direction, with the love that comes from deer. Love and accept people as they are. The balance of true power lays in love and compassion.

New Day!

Well.. very briefly when I first awoke...there was no memory..everything was just so..and and then I remembered..and all those yucky feelings returned once more...  So I acknowledged them, said thank you, I heard you and got up.    After reading a while, I did my tai chi and vocal yoga, acknowledging the divine feminine and giving thanks for life.   and feel much more centered today.  There is still a nagging pain, deep in my belly..but it is fine...

The dogs are playing around my desk...the sun is shining (ish!),...and ooo.. just remembered.   outside my back door there has been a 'weed' growing all spring...I left it and left it, seeing that the weed was going to produce some kind of flower head... and today, its bloomed - a beautiful purple budleigha...  its a plant that is very special to me...has followed me around a lot...    Another of lifes gifts!..