Neglected Blogging... Hello!

Hello!  Well I lay down with my laptop about to final edit my book...but was drawn to write a blog post instead.  I have neglected my blog for a few months..there has been so much transforming and happening that I couldn't keep up with what was occurring to write about it. 

Now though, I am house bounded again, this time with a broken foot..yes the health and bodily stuff continues for me!  I was just about recovering from a DVt, beginning to get fit again and I tripped over some broken concrete...been hobbling around for two weeks before I got x rayed and discovery of broken bone!  I laughed!  Seriously!?!

For those that follow my Facebook page, you will know that I have had random visits from pigeons wrecking my lounge, a lightening strike in my cottage that knocked out my router, a continuous bleed from my womb which resembled a horror movie massacre at times..also beautiful gatherings of friends for well dressings, birthdays and profound sharing retreats at my place.  Another piece of past, part of history being let go of...the off grid chalet where I had many wonderful memories as well as grief for our lost babies..may the energy of the chalet garden continue to touch and give peace to those who visit.  (Picture of Chalet Garden with gift of flowers layed when I left for the last time)

This has been a time of acceptance that I have no control over anything.. that I have to be who I AM.. and not be concerned with what others think about me.  This has been challenging when it comes to potential intimate relationships, friendships, family and people that enter 'my' life. I hardly sleep yet I am fully awake!  It truly is time to put my head up, stand tall (albeit with crutches!) and follow up my knowing. 

Everytime I have tried to edit the book or write something, the power has gone, my laptop has died and instead I have been laying in my garden looking at the birds and the clouds.  I have been reading an amazing book called "how to be sick".. Written by someone with auto immune disease.. She shares much of the same philosophies as I do..truly inspiring and worth a read.

I also discovered an American tv series called 'under the dome' , based on a Stephen king novel (please no one tell me what happens!). It's got me hooked as it intrigues me with the sci fi aspects and effects and towards the end of series one, there is the birth of a single Monarchy Butterfly.. It flutters around the key characters in the story.  So beautiful and a powerful.  It's a message of transformation for those living under the dome.

Reminded me of the butterflies I greeted in Tuscany last year, sleeping in Room 11, The Butterfly room, of the butterfly that flew around my legs as I was speaking in a heart share group and then flew from under my skirt....  This summer, I have planted a pot of nasternums next to my Buddha..especially for the butterflies to lay their eggs...giving the caterpillars nourishment when they hatch.    This afternoon I noticed that the front of the book 'how to be sick' also has a butterfly on it.   

It is time to care for my cocoon once more...refresh, renew, nourish and transform... 

I will be returning to Tuscany in a couple of weeks. 

Namaste

X

Sent from my iPad

Despair, Sinking, dark places,...Sleep.........beautiful day today!

Yesterday evening I went into this dark place, revealed a dark side..one that isnt real, one that wishes to hurt, one that wishes to be noticed and soothed...  I was alone, feeling sorry for myself, trying not to anticipate another sleepless night of breathing problems...

I didnt help myself consciously, instead, I had a glass of wine...so the wrong thing to do.. for it only assisted in my spiralling down into more despair and negativity.  A friend skyped me and in the middle of our conversation, I switched the computer..wanting her to worry about what had happened... it felt good but immediately I knew that was so unreal...and felt sick that I could even think/do such a thing..  dark side revealed herself!     I have been stopping myself crying for fear that it would only make my bloodshot eyes and breathing worse.. but this time, i didnt stop it.. I cried and cried, releasing all the 'crap' I'd held in..

I threw the rest of the wine away, switched off the comedy dvd's, that were supposed to be 'cheering me up',  ate something to soak up the alchohol and sat outside under the half moon...then lit the candles on my altar and meditated...became more centred and real with myself.

In preparation for bed, I propped up loads of pillows to enable me to sit up in bed to help my breathing, lit a candle, got a hot water bottle, prepared a hot drink in a flask for the night and decided to take half a sleeping tablet that my doctor gave me last year.  I hate the feeling of 'losing control' when taking such a drug... but I hoped it woudl relax me and my windpipe/lungs enough to enable me to get some sleep...  I drifted off watching the half moon sink out of the window frame.

I awoke in the early hours to Milo howling at the phone ringing..it was a friend, a guy that I have become close to..he was concerned about me..worried that I might choose to stop breathing again.. and die...   We talked for ages, me propped up in bed, I cried some more, released some more stuff, admitting that my  body aches and aches...  He loved me through in his own way...and I fell to sleep gently.

The sunshine through my blind awoke me this morning...everything looks brighter of course.. blue skies..although cold.  I feel like I have been hit by a bus..but at least my eyes have gone back to their clear white..and slowly my body is releasing its tension and coming back to me.   My breathing is still bad, my throat seems so closed...but I know that the last lot of work I;ve done on it went deep.. and it will take gentleness and time to integrate... I dont want it dampened down or calmed.. I need to heal this..whatever it is....

Autumn moves in....saying goodbye to summer..

Not been sleeping well the last few nights..combination of breathing issues, and general energy stuff going on.. but been watching the half moon gently cross the sky.

There is a definate change in temperature now, the winds are cold, no hint of hot weather returning so I guess its almost time to pack away those summer tops and dresses..  this is what I plan to do this weekend, together with my tax return!  oh the joys of single life!  I smile!      Saying goodbye to the summer...its certainly been a hell of a ride once again..

the leaves are still green, the fruit on the tress still ripe for eating but now turning mouldy and shrivelled from all the rain..  mushrooms abound though.. I am loving the fact I can go off into the woods and discover some fresh ones for tea each day... 

This morning, went for some blood tests..my arm is aching now but at least I didnt faint!  my GP had been sent a note re my collapse/crash team incident in hospital a few weeks ago.. so I wasnt allowed to leave their care today, for a good half hour.. to assure them I wouldnt repeat things on them.  funny.. this time, I took my own ginger biscuits with me in case of emergency!

A client came for a treatment who suffers from MSA, which is similar to Parkinsons..  she wont be regular, she is just a visitor on the farm..  but she was so 'into' her disease and how it effects her daily life... the only respite she says she received was when she was asleep..  she was probably 'off-loading' to the 'therapist' here but it was shocking how low she was in energy....  I see that the mental attitude is so important to overcome such conditions...  I must remember that when I start to get down about my breathing stuff..

you know its so quiet here...  all i can here is the tap of the keyboard...and the whirl of the laptop

I have some 'work' to do, some employment law stuff but finding it hard to get the motivation...should try to do some before my next massage client..

Moon bathing..

At around 3.30am, I awoke suddendly and felt drawn to go and sit outside, directly under the moon.. I took some of my crystals with me and sat facing the moon but what drew me in was the planet/star that is so bright a little way across. does anyone know what this is? I am guessing it was Venus?

Anyway, I sank in, breathed and just soaked up the energies... with my eyes open, I could see a few dark holes in the sky but if I looked directly at the blackness, they disappeared... I wondered if I had been reading too much about stargates etc and just decided to close my eyes and meditate deeply.

As the dawn approached, a group of bats started circuling above, I was aware of their 'clicks' as they darted around the rooftop above.. graceful and silent apart from their clicking.. and as it got lighter, they disappeared and the birds started their chorus, joined by the resident cockerall...

After moving my crystals up to my altar where the goddess statue sits, I returned to bed and slept..waking up at intervals..I feel connected to the ex, when his alarm would go off, when he would eat, dress, leave for work etc... I am feeling a little frustrated with myself at doing this.. it feels so attached..but I wont beat myself up!

Bats as a power animal? Apparently they indicate death and rebirth. Bats help us to release fear and patterns which no longer fits within our pattern of growth. Bat flying into your life signifies that transformation of the ego self is about to occur, the end of a way of life and the start of another. The bat gives you the wisdom required to make the appropriate changes for the birthing of your new identity. Bats are sociable animals which can indicate a need for more sociability or increased opportunity with greater numbers of people.

Man v Nature..

well I havent turned into a frog on this new supplement..nothing to report really, except I have a slight temperature!

Anyway, woke in the night to the sight of the beautiful big moon at last..its been hidden behind clouds since it became full.. I watched her as the clouds passed her shine..magical and communed deeply with her. I moon-bathed the rest of the night, taking in her pureness.

Woken up early by the song of a bird that insists on perching on my window sill daily.. his/her song is just one note..constantly calling! (n fact, its still calling) Managed to fall back asleep and then woken by someone strimming around the land..it has to be done from the point of view its a place for visitors but it shatters the peace and my sleep!

So, I get up, feed Milo and bake some bread. How domesticated hey. As I type, waiting for the bread to rise, I am feeling a little unsettled, feeling I should get out and socialise today, but anticipating something that I am not sure about..mmmmm. Great! my itunes player just decided to go automatically from the sacred music of Peru/Praful to The Machine Breakers - the band that the ex played in.. the song called 'the land was stolen'... interesting! Sounds good still, missing hearing the music live, watching them but there is no pain... Now being skyped by someone making me laugh with their jokes...

Man..sorry this one may not be for you!

or maybe it is!

Over the last 24 hours I have got increasingly more disorientated, forgetful, not being able to function as I normally do.. almost dizzy as in typical 'blonde dizzy'! Really funny at times like forgetting immediately what someone has just said..and also a bit worrying.

I;ve increasingly become frustrated and getting irritated at.. dare I say it... the masculine energies.. not just man as such..but things like beurocratic nonsense from authorities. I received a letter from the employment office asking me a tonne of questions that I have already answered face to face.. and at the time said.. are you sure I dont need to fill something else in! Of course, they had 'forgotten' a form - which means a further delay in them sorting things out!

Irritation with man in physical form.. feeling that I am just not beign heard...this was highlighted when a man picked on a couple of words in a whole paragraph..instead of looking at the energy underneath and the whole picture of what I was saying, I got a response based on my terminology! this has happened many times to me.. I am trying to say something..just so happen to say the 'wrong' word that has a 'different' meaning to the man..and this is what they concentrate on..rather than looking at the whole thing of what I was saying. The whole conversation then reverts to these couple of words and the rest ignored. BAH! :)

Also, man's lack of love, lack of empathy for woman. Separating their love, individualising it..thinking that 'love' can only be declared for 'certain' people in their lives.. I love all beings for we are all connected.. as brother and sister. So i might say I love you to a woman as a friend as well as to my lover. I will extend my honesty and softness to all.

Lack of empathy, and not being able to be humble in their interaction with woman, giving up on their 'position', their 'comfort' in order to honour the woman that is standing in front of them. Sad and it is painful.

I know that this dynamic can be reversed..woman can be just as dishonouring and lack love..

So at risk of being slotted into the box of 'pre menstrual' woman rant...yes, at the rise of the full moon, I bleed..early..shouldnt be here yet which releases a lot of all this tension and irritation. Explains my lack of patience and being sensitive to things that probably wouldnt have got to me in the same way on other occasions. BUT, that doesnt negate anything I have said, for a woman to come into bleed, means that she is coming more into her power, yes more sensitive to energies, absolutely nothing wrong with that.

So, I am typing this at the same time as trying to get through to my GP surgery to cancel my 3rd smear test! Each time now I happended to have bled unexpectedly on the allotted day! My body being wise maybe? After all my cancer scares though, they are keen to check it all... mmmmm!

ok.. got through.. re-scheduled.. sorted..

I LOVE YOU ALL!
X

Food for Thought

Well, this time last week I was struggling to sleep on a couch after a very emotional day.. tonight however, I am in luxury in a huge bed, in a lovely house in the middle of nowhere. Luxurious covers . plush pillows..how life moves but with one common factor; Milo snoring in the corner of the room! 


A lovely day chilling out with friends, eating, chatting, and eating again and again... we watched 4 hours of a dvd all about conspiracy theories, ufo’s, ascension, free energy, chemtrails etc... lots of weird and interesting stuff! Learned loads..and chatted around most of the subjects now, mmmm... but oh so tired now.

Funny how life has its synchronicities..there were bits of the dvd that repeated things I had only heard of in the last couple of days...almost like life’s little pointers to investigate further.. things like chemtrails and MMS.. Even Stargates/portals were talked about...that are now being opened up around the planet... now for those of you that know me well.. I have always loved the Stargate series!  love it, love it!

The cosmos and earth energies are definitely changing and we are all feeling it to some degree...there are many many predictions and theories from ancient culture and today’s scientists that point to huge shifts that will effect us all.. hmmmm...

Night for now...  full moon approaching!

Phew! here goes...... Grand Cross & Lunar Eclipse

Hello!

Well its taken me a week since I was first inspired to start a blog...getting around all the teckie stuff! So this first entry is a little behind... but it gives you an idea on why I was inspired to start sharing my journey....


Saturday 26th June : The day of the Lunar Eclipse and Grand Cross – magical energy. Day of death, rebirth and endless potential. Limitless possibilities.

Walk with Milo, my border collie, to woods near me. Sacred trees. First I go to what I call the ‘Mother’ Tree.. an oak that has been split into two by nature herself – a lightning strike. Half of her is lying on the earth, the other half standing strong, resilient with scorch marks from the burn...her crown alive with flourishing nature.

I sit at the foot of her, in her heart, where the trunk has been ripped apart. I gaze at her other half, lying before me, resting in her beauty. The sunlight is glimmering through the leaves above - magical. I soak up the energies coming in fully.

Drawn to the nearby stream, I place my bare feet in her cold waters, cleansing and nourishing, enlivening my inner being..then return back to my ‘throne’.

A while later, I am drawn away to another group of three trees that seem to have sprung from the same root.. all joined together at the bottom. This group I have named ‘the three sisters’.. I caress each of them, feeling their intricate patterning bark and give my thanks for their wonder.

I then continue to walk around and notice a smaller tree wjhich has a branch coming up from its root at a right angle...covered in moss, perfect for sitting on I note. But it seems as though it is pointing further on the path...like its saying ‘this is the way’...so I continue.

I look behind and there is an awesome Oak standing proud which I sense has a more masculine energy – for now I will call this the ‘Father tree’ I lay my spine against his trunk –its bark deep but soft. My heart starts to beat faster and I take the energies in through my kundalini.. from my base to the crown and back again. I smile in ecstacy and surrender to its will...

I turn around and lay my front body against the tree – 3^rd eye, heart, breast, wombe, yoni – all connected and taking in his energy directly... feel so connected, embraced and loved... so intoxicating!

I savour the connection with the planets as they line up to emit their message to the consiciousness..

I walk around his trunk further, this side is totally covered in moss, so seems to have a softer energy somehow..but still feels very masculine.. and I lay against this side, breathing in its divine energy..inviiting it to consume me totally. Very powerful..leaves me breathless.

Eventually, I thank the tree and walk a little further and notice other trees..standing proud – like a group of elders watching and protecting the wood and mothers children. To the side is a smaller tree coming from beside the stream...shaped like a serpent, twisting up sensually toward the cosmos. Beautiful Mother Serpent.

I sense that the eclipse is nearing, and walk back to the ‘mother’ tree to sit and meditate. Its hot..sun is baking and I move around her base to the shade..but she seems to move me on and away from her.. so I head back to the ‘father’ tree and sink, sink, sink and climb, climb, climb... the breeze seems to get a little stronger..the cosmic moon transmitting her message...ever so gently.

After a while, I move back to ‘mother’ and sit in her heart again between the two halves..meditating in the stillness..sun seems to have gone behind cloud to give me respite from its heat.. the scent of honeysuckle and moss drifts through my senses, sounds of buzzy flies, insects and buds, the waterfalls caress my ears.. i open my eyes and am overwhelmed by the beauty of Mother Nature that surrounds me..enveloping me in her love.

I speak clearly from my heart that ‘I’ am here..always here...for love, to serve love alone. This is who I am..the real authentic self, surrendering, soft, passionate woman..living her truth.. no more compromising her true self... show herself, her power fully.. and those that are prepared to do the same, will come....

The stream and waterfalls call me over once more and already Milo is in them, prancing up and down in the water, delighting in the splashes and at play. I stand in the water myself, ankle deep and close my eyes, sinking into the blackness.

I lift my arms to the cosmos..lifting the veil..and surrendering. Intoxicating myself with the beloved. Allowing all to flow through my physical body into the waters at my feet. I lift my arms again, open my eyes and there is a buzzard circling above..silently. I begin to move my arms, in dance of flight..smiling with wonder and gratitude for such love that I receive....

In the silence, I see clearly potentials in existence... writing a blog..sharing this journey with others..share your story.. allow others to share in this path of love... welcome people to join...

Before walking toward home, I go around each tree again, giving it a caress, hug, kiss..in gratitude, feeling blessed to have been invited to share in their energy..their sacred space.

As I retrace my steps back home, I notice there are hearts everywhere! Smiling, I notice that there are delicate petals carpeting the path, shaped in a perfect heart..there are leaves on the side, also shaped as hearts... yet another sign of the love that is always there..surrounding us...constantly..

Follow this blog

Follow this blog