Returning to the body...Dis Ease...

Been spending the last few days getting used to this 'new' body.  I had been feeling quite cut off, hard to feel any energy, less sensitive which I am just not used to...and now feel wonderful.

Interesting to note that after surgery I didnt like my solar plexus area to be touched in any way...I tried to go through the resistence but it was painful for someone even to hover their hand over that area.  This is where the umbilical chord is cut off at birth..it is the energy line to the astral plane...this is where we leave our bodies when we enter sleep and the route in which we return on awakening..     I didnt ever pay much attention to astral travel and the like but I am feeling that I left my body during surgery and although I had returned to some extent....it has taken a while for me to get fully back into my body!  It was definately blocked in some way..or I was resistent to coming back.

My blood sugar levels have also been all over the place...so craving sugar and crappy food!  The solar plexus is also linked to the Throat Chakra..wondering if my body was trying to use food to ground me more?

In any case, with some beautiful loving energy, love making (a most powerful way to bring back energy), gentle encouragement, touch and massage..I now feel more here and so alive..able to cope with the internet a little more and write a blog.  On my own once more, i have returned to my cocoon, self massaging with arnica, lavender, going within, talking with my trachea, immune system, breath work, reading, Chi gong, Tai Chi, The Form..and just being.

So... whilst healing, I am looking at why create a throat problem in the first place.  Throat is about 'hiding my truth'...my throat has been constricted... What in life is constricting me?   Need to express it!  Yes, feel as if I have been there, done that....but feel the desire to re look.. 
 
Dis ease is an agent of transformation...we transform when we re cognise with our deep purpose...not necessarily 'cured'...sometimes it is how it is!

As a start.. for anyone with a dis ease... look at  this question.. "What are the advantages of being ill?"  Be honest!  Its surprising what you write...

For me:

It has given me 'space'...time...
I have received love, support, tenderness, attention
It has taught be empathy for others
It has given me some sort of purpose and identity!
I feel more devotion to life
More awareness
Humbleness
I have learned to be more surrendered and to have acceptance of what is.

Hmmmm...

I could re look at when it all started...any triggers.... yes .. can see things..but still not the whole picture!

I feel Its about me hiding my truth.... can I be ME... express my truth to ALL..including family - parents!  hmmmm....

I also get saddened when I read of others' despondency and distress at their prognosis of an illness...I too have been there..still creeps in occasionally...  I want to talk to them of acceptance and surrender to what is...look at the higher purpose, bigger picture etc...spirituality, tools and meditation, visualisations, exercises etc... but how will this be received?  Is it preachey, lecturing? arrogance, whacky..who am I to say such things?  I think it was only a couple of weeks ago i was so 'down' about having RP..what was the point in surgery if the constriction might come back...there is no cure bla bla bla.. I was telling myself...I am so not perfect!

Yesterday I received an email from someone saying they were inspired by my journey...today someone said they were in 'awe' of my life...  I find it so hard to hear...and accept that I am perceived to be different...I am not..this 'life' is not special...all life is special!  I have spent all my life trying NOT to stand out, to be part of the crowd, hidden, not special - mainly because i was always told as a child that I was 'special' because i was chosen (adopted) etc.  I shake my head!

And yet, I have chosen some 'different' paths..taken opportunities 'out of the norm'...lived in unorthodox ways, even put myself 'out there' by writing a blog!    Paradoxical!  Some may say it is inspiring..others might ignore...a few might well just cut me off...am I ready for that too!  What is all this about? 


Much to explore and I am excited and in trepidation as to the possibilities ahead....much newness entering this life...newness of breath, voice, purpose...courage... Loving it all in this moment.

Namaste
X

Autumn moves in....saying goodbye to summer..

Not been sleeping well the last few nights..combination of breathing issues, and general energy stuff going on.. but been watching the half moon gently cross the sky.

There is a definate change in temperature now, the winds are cold, no hint of hot weather returning so I guess its almost time to pack away those summer tops and dresses..  this is what I plan to do this weekend, together with my tax return!  oh the joys of single life!  I smile!      Saying goodbye to the summer...its certainly been a hell of a ride once again..

the leaves are still green, the fruit on the tress still ripe for eating but now turning mouldy and shrivelled from all the rain..  mushrooms abound though.. I am loving the fact I can go off into the woods and discover some fresh ones for tea each day... 

This morning, went for some blood tests..my arm is aching now but at least I didnt faint!  my GP had been sent a note re my collapse/crash team incident in hospital a few weeks ago.. so I wasnt allowed to leave their care today, for a good half hour.. to assure them I wouldnt repeat things on them.  funny.. this time, I took my own ginger biscuits with me in case of emergency!

A client came for a treatment who suffers from MSA, which is similar to Parkinsons..  she wont be regular, she is just a visitor on the farm..  but she was so 'into' her disease and how it effects her daily life... the only respite she says she received was when she was asleep..  she was probably 'off-loading' to the 'therapist' here but it was shocking how low she was in energy....  I see that the mental attitude is so important to overcome such conditions...  I must remember that when I start to get down about my breathing stuff..

you know its so quiet here...  all i can here is the tap of the keyboard...and the whirl of the laptop

I have some 'work' to do, some employment law stuff but finding it hard to get the motivation...should try to do some before my next massage client..