Full Moon looming.. solar flares...insights and insights...

Full Moon nearly here and energies are moving around.. Apparently there have been some major solar flares happening which are being directed towards Earth! We may see some wonderful light displays in the sky but I feel that many of us are sensitive enough to have felt them anyway.. way beyond the moment they may hit our 'atmosphere'.

This week, I've been on a quest to discover where I need to go with this breathing issue of mine. followed all sorts of paths, including the conventional way.. my GP is now referring me to Rheumatology as it is fairly obvious this is an auto immune not a lung problem.

As you know, I beleive that I can reverse the way my immune system is working..that there is a trigger, a key that I am missing. It was suggested that there may be some sort of spiritual attachment, some cellular memory from an event/emotion/thought that occured around the time my breathing problems started. Whilst i have already looked at what was occuring in my life at the time, I feel that now I need to look deeper, maybe with some assistance.. even look to the period just before.. This feels right. This would put me back into the Community I once lived in, back with my beloved at the time, my teacher..my lover, my spiritual family and home.

I sigh..deep breath... hey.. deep breath!

X

Sleepless Night....sooo tired!

A sleepless night..tossing turning.  this time not down to my breathing which is still much improved... who knows why!

Approaching full moon, my bleed, 'that mans' energy that is still managing to weave its way in to my dreamtime...I dont know.  I've read, I've meditated, listening to music, read my emails, had some tea and now writing this!

Feels like I have done a days work in my dreamtime...maybe I am working with him in a parellel universe!  Sooooo tired! 

Short and sweet (ish) blog this time...   Being drawn to my bed!

Freedom! Hair chopped, cutting of past energies...an epipheny

Had my hair cut yesterday which for those of you that know me better, can be a bit of thing.. I like my long hair..and what with illness, stress and a rogue hairdresser earlier this year...I've done nothing but moan about my hair for months!  Yesterday, went to a new one..who talked through it all, cut it so it looked better...and was reassured that it would all be ok again with a couple of months!  mainly due to the rogue hairdresser cutting too many layers in last time!   its actually very healthy!

So... feel so much better...and went out last night to a beautiful concert by Nigel and Carolyn from Dartmoor...  so lovely..I meditated a lot, sank in and watched the pictures of Dartmoor Stones and woods...with lovely thoughts of times past there, past loves etc etc.....

An epipheny mometn earlier whilst washing up of all things!   Hands in suds.. I suddenly thought...and said out loud.. F***... what a fool you have been woman!!   I suddenly had a flash of some of the discussions I had had with the ex, comments he had made and I had listened, accepted them and..stayed!  too long!   So compromising myself and my truth!  I deserved and do deserve better!  He is a good man, lovely, sensitive, adorable BUT not ready to be in relationship with me..it is possible for us to fall in love and not be able to stay together.. 

So...  had let him go already,, but now..even more cutting of the chords that tie...  no more shrines to love that has gone!  I love here and now..this moment....  wonderfully freeing...  went into the woods..  So different now that all the leaves are on the ground, still so beautiful and full of energy...  i slipped on my bum twice in the mud - in the same place.  Tinkering going on in there I am sure.   I took some new pics of the wood last week which I will post on here... some have spotten tree spirits in the photos..can you see them?  An amazing Yoni in a tree trunk too.....beautiful!

Despair, Sinking, dark places,...Sleep.........beautiful day today!

Yesterday evening I went into this dark place, revealed a dark side..one that isnt real, one that wishes to hurt, one that wishes to be noticed and soothed...  I was alone, feeling sorry for myself, trying not to anticipate another sleepless night of breathing problems...

I didnt help myself consciously, instead, I had a glass of wine...so the wrong thing to do.. for it only assisted in my spiralling down into more despair and negativity.  A friend skyped me and in the middle of our conversation, I switched the computer..wanting her to worry about what had happened... it felt good but immediately I knew that was so unreal...and felt sick that I could even think/do such a thing..  dark side revealed herself!     I have been stopping myself crying for fear that it would only make my bloodshot eyes and breathing worse.. but this time, i didnt stop it.. I cried and cried, releasing all the 'crap' I'd held in..

I threw the rest of the wine away, switched off the comedy dvd's, that were supposed to be 'cheering me up',  ate something to soak up the alchohol and sat outside under the half moon...then lit the candles on my altar and meditated...became more centred and real with myself.

In preparation for bed, I propped up loads of pillows to enable me to sit up in bed to help my breathing, lit a candle, got a hot water bottle, prepared a hot drink in a flask for the night and decided to take half a sleeping tablet that my doctor gave me last year.  I hate the feeling of 'losing control' when taking such a drug... but I hoped it woudl relax me and my windpipe/lungs enough to enable me to get some sleep...  I drifted off watching the half moon sink out of the window frame.

I awoke in the early hours to Milo howling at the phone ringing..it was a friend, a guy that I have become close to..he was concerned about me..worried that I might choose to stop breathing again.. and die...   We talked for ages, me propped up in bed, I cried some more, released some more stuff, admitting that my  body aches and aches...  He loved me through in his own way...and I fell to sleep gently.

The sunshine through my blind awoke me this morning...everything looks brighter of course.. blue skies..although cold.  I feel like I have been hit by a bus..but at least my eyes have gone back to their clear white..and slowly my body is releasing its tension and coming back to me.   My breathing is still bad, my throat seems so closed...but I know that the last lot of work I;ve done on it went deep.. and it will take gentleness and time to integrate... I dont want it dampened down or calmed.. I need to heal this..whatever it is....

mmmmmmm!

amazing connections...realisations...flashes of inspiration...transmissions....

Yes, I have discovered there is internet access here.... however, endevouring not to get hooked in to this virtual world!

Seeing so many coincidences today...parallels... 

-talking of communing with whales/dolphins - my journey started with being given a tape of whale/dolphin sounds when I was lieing in hospital, strapped to my bed some 11 years ago...never played such 'music' since!  through to my ex visiting whales/dophins in the Azores.. to Nifer, a girlfriend doing exactly the same thing at this time!   What a gift these beings of the sea are......

-visits to crop circles, meanings etc..possibly acupuncture on mother earth... our (with ex) visit to the crop circle by silbury hill last year - I was very ill in the circle...  it was of a mayan headdress...my resonance with the mayan cultures, their prophecies,   to today discussions of that exact same circle, others..their possible communications etc etc

- visits to stone circles, sacred sites.. we have visited so many this last year...  together... and alone..  again,  all being brought up today in discussions...  allowing others to go on their journey..cannot guide etc etc

feeling my pain in seeing anothers faltering steps on their journey..and just being there to hold the energy from afar...or rather not even hold the energy.. just BE myself.. in my own power.. and let and trust life unfold!

sweet pain..sweet surrender...  I am being nutured here, with love, with touch, with beautiful food, countryside, fresh air and yes.. a hot tub!  Bliss!

Great to see more sisters reading, sharing my journey... please share yours too..

Moon bathing..

At around 3.30am, I awoke suddendly and felt drawn to go and sit outside, directly under the moon.. I took some of my crystals with me and sat facing the moon but what drew me in was the planet/star that is so bright a little way across. does anyone know what this is? I am guessing it was Venus?

Anyway, I sank in, breathed and just soaked up the energies... with my eyes open, I could see a few dark holes in the sky but if I looked directly at the blackness, they disappeared... I wondered if I had been reading too much about stargates etc and just decided to close my eyes and meditate deeply.

As the dawn approached, a group of bats started circuling above, I was aware of their 'clicks' as they darted around the rooftop above.. graceful and silent apart from their clicking.. and as it got lighter, they disappeared and the birds started their chorus, joined by the resident cockerall...

After moving my crystals up to my altar where the goddess statue sits, I returned to bed and slept..waking up at intervals..I feel connected to the ex, when his alarm would go off, when he would eat, dress, leave for work etc... I am feeling a little frustrated with myself at doing this.. it feels so attached..but I wont beat myself up!

Bats as a power animal? Apparently they indicate death and rebirth. Bats help us to release fear and patterns which no longer fits within our pattern of growth. Bat flying into your life signifies that transformation of the ego self is about to occur, the end of a way of life and the start of another. The bat gives you the wisdom required to make the appropriate changes for the birthing of your new identity. Bats are sociable animals which can indicate a need for more sociability or increased opportunity with greater numbers of people.

Frogs, Toads? Magical liquids.... and moving..

Re-visiting the woods, coming home... beautiful and peaceful, allowing me to bleed on mother earth for a little while and then ceasing again!

All around the fallen tree today were loads of little frogs or toads..no idea what the difference is but they all hopped around when I turned up so I let them be. As a power animal they are said to bring great cleansing of negative mental and physical energies and an invitation to take a leap forward..

A few weeks ago, I thanked my landlady for allowing me the opportunity to stay on her land..I felt and do feel so blessed to be surrounded by such beauty.. for the first time in my life, I find that I am totally at ease, feel safe and nourished and comfortable in my surroundings..being able to live alone and yet not feel lonely (most of the time :) ) As soon as I said that to her, I realised that I might be asked to let go very soon, yes, i had become 'comfortable'...

So, now there may be a possibility that I move to somewhere less isolated and share a house again...I know that I will be able to attend more things, meet more people and have the support of living with another person... We shall see..I know that the beauty I see around me is everywhere, within me..so although it will be a wrench to move away, if its the right thing to do, nothing will be lost..but still!

oh.. realised I put magical liquids in the title... just started to take MMS..someone recommended it for me..it seems to be the latest 'magical supplement'.. I have nothing to lose, it was so reasonable compared to all the other 'remedies' out there... so watch this space.. I too, might turn into a frog!

Food for Thought

Well, this time last week I was struggling to sleep on a couch after a very emotional day.. tonight however, I am in luxury in a huge bed, in a lovely house in the middle of nowhere. Luxurious covers . plush pillows..how life moves but with one common factor; Milo snoring in the corner of the room! 


A lovely day chilling out with friends, eating, chatting, and eating again and again... we watched 4 hours of a dvd all about conspiracy theories, ufo’s, ascension, free energy, chemtrails etc... lots of weird and interesting stuff! Learned loads..and chatted around most of the subjects now, mmmm... but oh so tired now.

Funny how life has its synchronicities..there were bits of the dvd that repeated things I had only heard of in the last couple of days...almost like life’s little pointers to investigate further.. things like chemtrails and MMS.. Even Stargates/portals were talked about...that are now being opened up around the planet... now for those of you that know me well.. I have always loved the Stargate series!  love it, love it!

The cosmos and earth energies are definitely changing and we are all feeling it to some degree...there are many many predictions and theories from ancient culture and today’s scientists that point to huge shifts that will effect us all.. hmmmm...

Night for now...  full moon approaching!

Gifts from Nature

well, waking up today yearning to be held physically...caressed and loved physically.. heart is open, body is open...surrendering to how it is.. in bed alone. My womb has been trying to bleed for days now...it also feels a yearning to surrender, let go...

I get up to greet Milo, have a drink and shower and dress. I go into the woods, slowly...and on entering the trees, feel at peace. Walking to the place by the brook, I gentle sit on a log, placed by the split tree and just be. I urge my wombe to release the past months stuckness..past energies.

The sunlight is filtering through the leaves and there is a warm wind...making the wood unusually noisy. Milo is a little scared of all the creaking sounds, and stays close by my feet.

Placing my body, my third eye, breast, womb, yoni against the moss covered trunk of the tree, I sink in...wondrous depth..and beauty..loving the beloved. Intoxicated by its essence.. remembering that Mother, the beloved can enter me just at deeply as any man physically..

Nourished, at peace, content, we walk back towards our cottage..stop and pick cherries and raspberries for breakfast - wondrous gifts of nature...

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Phew! here goes...... Grand Cross & Lunar Eclipse

Hello!

Well its taken me a week since I was first inspired to start a blog...getting around all the teckie stuff! So this first entry is a little behind... but it gives you an idea on why I was inspired to start sharing my journey....


Saturday 26th June : The day of the Lunar Eclipse and Grand Cross – magical energy. Day of death, rebirth and endless potential. Limitless possibilities.

Walk with Milo, my border collie, to woods near me. Sacred trees. First I go to what I call the ‘Mother’ Tree.. an oak that has been split into two by nature herself – a lightning strike. Half of her is lying on the earth, the other half standing strong, resilient with scorch marks from the burn...her crown alive with flourishing nature.

I sit at the foot of her, in her heart, where the trunk has been ripped apart. I gaze at her other half, lying before me, resting in her beauty. The sunlight is glimmering through the leaves above - magical. I soak up the energies coming in fully.

Drawn to the nearby stream, I place my bare feet in her cold waters, cleansing and nourishing, enlivening my inner being..then return back to my ‘throne’.

A while later, I am drawn away to another group of three trees that seem to have sprung from the same root.. all joined together at the bottom. This group I have named ‘the three sisters’.. I caress each of them, feeling their intricate patterning bark and give my thanks for their wonder.

I then continue to walk around and notice a smaller tree wjhich has a branch coming up from its root at a right angle...covered in moss, perfect for sitting on I note. But it seems as though it is pointing further on the path...like its saying ‘this is the way’...so I continue.

I look behind and there is an awesome Oak standing proud which I sense has a more masculine energy – for now I will call this the ‘Father tree’ I lay my spine against his trunk –its bark deep but soft. My heart starts to beat faster and I take the energies in through my kundalini.. from my base to the crown and back again. I smile in ecstacy and surrender to its will...

I turn around and lay my front body against the tree – 3^rd eye, heart, breast, wombe, yoni – all connected and taking in his energy directly... feel so connected, embraced and loved... so intoxicating!

I savour the connection with the planets as they line up to emit their message to the consiciousness..

I walk around his trunk further, this side is totally covered in moss, so seems to have a softer energy somehow..but still feels very masculine.. and I lay against this side, breathing in its divine energy..inviiting it to consume me totally. Very powerful..leaves me breathless.

Eventually, I thank the tree and walk a little further and notice other trees..standing proud – like a group of elders watching and protecting the wood and mothers children. To the side is a smaller tree coming from beside the stream...shaped like a serpent, twisting up sensually toward the cosmos. Beautiful Mother Serpent.

I sense that the eclipse is nearing, and walk back to the ‘mother’ tree to sit and meditate. Its hot..sun is baking and I move around her base to the shade..but she seems to move me on and away from her.. so I head back to the ‘father’ tree and sink, sink, sink and climb, climb, climb... the breeze seems to get a little stronger..the cosmic moon transmitting her message...ever so gently.

After a while, I move back to ‘mother’ and sit in her heart again between the two halves..meditating in the stillness..sun seems to have gone behind cloud to give me respite from its heat.. the scent of honeysuckle and moss drifts through my senses, sounds of buzzy flies, insects and buds, the waterfalls caress my ears.. i open my eyes and am overwhelmed by the beauty of Mother Nature that surrounds me..enveloping me in her love.

I speak clearly from my heart that ‘I’ am here..always here...for love, to serve love alone. This is who I am..the real authentic self, surrendering, soft, passionate woman..living her truth.. no more compromising her true self... show herself, her power fully.. and those that are prepared to do the same, will come....

The stream and waterfalls call me over once more and already Milo is in them, prancing up and down in the water, delighting in the splashes and at play. I stand in the water myself, ankle deep and close my eyes, sinking into the blackness.

I lift my arms to the cosmos..lifting the veil..and surrendering. Intoxicating myself with the beloved. Allowing all to flow through my physical body into the waters at my feet. I lift my arms again, open my eyes and there is a buzzard circling above..silently. I begin to move my arms, in dance of flight..smiling with wonder and gratitude for such love that I receive....

In the silence, I see clearly potentials in existence... writing a blog..sharing this journey with others..share your story.. allow others to share in this path of love... welcome people to join...

Before walking toward home, I go around each tree again, giving it a caress, hug, kiss..in gratitude, feeling blessed to have been invited to share in their energy..their sacred space.

As I retrace my steps back home, I notice there are hearts everywhere! Smiling, I notice that there are delicate petals carpeting the path, shaped in a perfect heart..there are leaves on the side, also shaped as hearts... yet another sign of the love that is always there..surrounding us...constantly..

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