More Letting Go... to the inner master..

Not sure whether this entry will get posted..we will see.  Yesterday, I spent the day at satsang with my 'once' master/teacher/lover,,,beautiful day of wonderful truth, reconnections with some 'old' faces and making connections with new ones too.

I love him and love the truth that he speaks, I honour him and am so grateful to have shared this amazing journey with him..  I have grown, and deepened also and whilst we could easily have made love, there was a knowing that that was not necessary, that I didnt see or feel the depth of presence, and that his physical body was so tired and weak.     Sharing in that way would not serve me or him at this time...I hesitated as my old pattern is one of 'holding on', doubting my knowing..and of course, I would have loved the physical touch from man and I at first said yes...but then reluctantly acknowledged to myself that that was what it was, and that it wouldnt be responding to what I know to be real.  


So, in true 'lisa' style when he left, I paced and watched as the voices argued with each other in my head..until I laughed out loud.  On the one hand, I knew that I had come into my own power more and had responded to my knowing of what will serve.., and another was..oh my god, what have you let go of, why wouldnt you, have you made a mistake bla bla bla.....

I sat in front of the Goddess Altar, the same Goddess that we had made love in front of many years ago...  I closed my eyes and sank into the blackness..the voices disappearing and acknowledging the inner master..  letting go of an external expression of the master, teacher, guru..

So I wake up today and there are no regrets, just a thankfulness that I/we responded to what was real in the moment..  I feel more that I have come into my own power, my inner master...and we will have served not only my true self, my body, his body, but the whole..  wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! 

I will still practice The Form, may even go to retreats, satsang... it is now time to serve the whole, be true to my purpose of being here at this time.

This entry has been posted public..I sat with it...  nothing is personal..  the whole purpose of writing this blog is to share the journey...if I left out some of the more intimate aspects, then that wouldnt be real or honest..  at the same time though, I am conscious of where I speak of another..  I will only share what is within me..not my projection of another.

A little footnote here... the english language is limited...for words are clumsy and inadequate...  there are no words to describe source, consciousness, truth....  so go beyond particular words..into the energy behind the words.....   

Lion, Goddess Sekhmet...

Just been reminded of the Goddess Sekhmet, linked with Lion...

she is closely associated with Kundalini..  She has a bad reputation, that of violence, blood lust, and sexual passion.  Represents death as well as powerful feminine sexuality.  She demands women to be in their power and not be afraid of judgement.

mmm... women were calmly putting their heads into the lions mouths...  practising...  courageous, showing their strength, power... facing their fear/demons..

Phew! here goes...... Grand Cross & Lunar Eclipse

Hello!

Well its taken me a week since I was first inspired to start a blog...getting around all the teckie stuff! So this first entry is a little behind... but it gives you an idea on why I was inspired to start sharing my journey....


Saturday 26th June : The day of the Lunar Eclipse and Grand Cross – magical energy. Day of death, rebirth and endless potential. Limitless possibilities.

Walk with Milo, my border collie, to woods near me. Sacred trees. First I go to what I call the ‘Mother’ Tree.. an oak that has been split into two by nature herself – a lightning strike. Half of her is lying on the earth, the other half standing strong, resilient with scorch marks from the burn...her crown alive with flourishing nature.

I sit at the foot of her, in her heart, where the trunk has been ripped apart. I gaze at her other half, lying before me, resting in her beauty. The sunlight is glimmering through the leaves above - magical. I soak up the energies coming in fully.

Drawn to the nearby stream, I place my bare feet in her cold waters, cleansing and nourishing, enlivening my inner being..then return back to my ‘throne’.

A while later, I am drawn away to another group of three trees that seem to have sprung from the same root.. all joined together at the bottom. This group I have named ‘the three sisters’.. I caress each of them, feeling their intricate patterning bark and give my thanks for their wonder.

I then continue to walk around and notice a smaller tree wjhich has a branch coming up from its root at a right angle...covered in moss, perfect for sitting on I note. But it seems as though it is pointing further on the path...like its saying ‘this is the way’...so I continue.

I look behind and there is an awesome Oak standing proud which I sense has a more masculine energy – for now I will call this the ‘Father tree’ I lay my spine against his trunk –its bark deep but soft. My heart starts to beat faster and I take the energies in through my kundalini.. from my base to the crown and back again. I smile in ecstacy and surrender to its will...

I turn around and lay my front body against the tree – 3^rd eye, heart, breast, wombe, yoni – all connected and taking in his energy directly... feel so connected, embraced and loved... so intoxicating!

I savour the connection with the planets as they line up to emit their message to the consiciousness..

I walk around his trunk further, this side is totally covered in moss, so seems to have a softer energy somehow..but still feels very masculine.. and I lay against this side, breathing in its divine energy..inviiting it to consume me totally. Very powerful..leaves me breathless.

Eventually, I thank the tree and walk a little further and notice other trees..standing proud – like a group of elders watching and protecting the wood and mothers children. To the side is a smaller tree coming from beside the stream...shaped like a serpent, twisting up sensually toward the cosmos. Beautiful Mother Serpent.

I sense that the eclipse is nearing, and walk back to the ‘mother’ tree to sit and meditate. Its hot..sun is baking and I move around her base to the shade..but she seems to move me on and away from her.. so I head back to the ‘father’ tree and sink, sink, sink and climb, climb, climb... the breeze seems to get a little stronger..the cosmic moon transmitting her message...ever so gently.

After a while, I move back to ‘mother’ and sit in her heart again between the two halves..meditating in the stillness..sun seems to have gone behind cloud to give me respite from its heat.. the scent of honeysuckle and moss drifts through my senses, sounds of buzzy flies, insects and buds, the waterfalls caress my ears.. i open my eyes and am overwhelmed by the beauty of Mother Nature that surrounds me..enveloping me in her love.

I speak clearly from my heart that ‘I’ am here..always here...for love, to serve love alone. This is who I am..the real authentic self, surrendering, soft, passionate woman..living her truth.. no more compromising her true self... show herself, her power fully.. and those that are prepared to do the same, will come....

The stream and waterfalls call me over once more and already Milo is in them, prancing up and down in the water, delighting in the splashes and at play. I stand in the water myself, ankle deep and close my eyes, sinking into the blackness.

I lift my arms to the cosmos..lifting the veil..and surrendering. Intoxicating myself with the beloved. Allowing all to flow through my physical body into the waters at my feet. I lift my arms again, open my eyes and there is a buzzard circling above..silently. I begin to move my arms, in dance of flight..smiling with wonder and gratitude for such love that I receive....

In the silence, I see clearly potentials in existence... writing a blog..sharing this journey with others..share your story.. allow others to share in this path of love... welcome people to join...

Before walking toward home, I go around each tree again, giving it a caress, hug, kiss..in gratitude, feeling blessed to have been invited to share in their energy..their sacred space.

As I retrace my steps back home, I notice there are hearts everywhere! Smiling, I notice that there are delicate petals carpeting the path, shaped in a perfect heart..there are leaves on the side, also shaped as hearts... yet another sign of the love that is always there..surrounding us...constantly..

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