Bee Energy....powerful signs..dead birds..reunions!

Came back from a wonderful week away to find a load of bees in my bedroom...some were flying, many were just crawling around near the window, on the bedding, the floor everywhere..  a surprise to say the least and slightly alarming!

Having just picked up a friend that was staying with me, I didnt know what to do.. I felt myself get stressed, worked up..panicky but overall I knew it would be fine - I had other options of places to stay.  It was almost looking down at someone else panicking and yet I couldnt change it.  I couldnt make any decisions about what to do..I just wanted someone else to tell me what to do, where to go..  In the middle of getting landlord help, neighbours, friends, bee keeper, pest control, even advice from the 'census collector' - I spotted that there was a dead sparrow in front of my car.  I hadnt hit it, my car had been parked there all week!  Ugh... so many symbols and signs maybe?

When animal messengers want to get our attention, they arrive in large nunbers - looking up bee energy, they are a sign of passion, progress, feritility and sexuality!  In my bedroom - of course!  :)    The dead bird?  not so good maybe - a sign of coming disappointments, worry!  :(      A shamanic friend foretells that it is a sign to move on, out of this cottage to pastures new....  hmmmm...  

Then yesterday, we spotted that a lamb had got it self caught on a wire fence after visiting the chickens it appears - it was stangling itself.. it must have been there most of the day, it was so cold to the touch.   It took three of us to release it, gradually slackening off each wire, net from its throat - you could hear and feel it gulp with relief.   It soon bounded off to his mum though - much needing some milk and warmth.


The bees?  Cutting a long story short, the bees turned out to be masonry bees that dont sting and they eventually moved on - my friend and I stayed in the b&b next door whilst the bees, took their time in relocating!     Lots of bee jokes coming forth on my facebook page!

Lovely having my best friend from school here to stay - she flew from Scotland for a visit and for us to go to a school reunion.  After the bee episode, we werent too sure we felt like going..but we did.  It was interesting..looking at peoples faces to see if you recognised anyone.. people examining us too... funny!  It was good although not too many from our school year so a little disappointing!

Saying goodbye to her today was hard.. sad.. Although we only keep in touch by phone occasionally, it was just like old times being together again.. would love to have her in my life more.

Spring sunshine abound...clear blue skies... jumping and noise lambs and their mums...

awaiting my love to come home, to reconnect after a few days absence...  Namaste.

Moth was indeed a butterfly... beautiful!

Well... my moth of NYD turned out to be a butterfly... it came over to where I was sat when my parents with me... it opened its wings so could clearly see it was indeed a butterfly!

So...transformation and acceptance of change!

I welcome it!

Namaste

XX

still journeying..much to tell... but for tonight..Buzzard energy.

I was walking with a beautiful and opening  man yesterday along a river, through some fields..when we came across this bird of prey.. which I am thinking is a buzzard.  (perhaps someone can confirm?)

it stopped us in our tracks..beautiful, sacred moment..  we both gently touched the feathers, so soft... and a recent death, no sign of injury or being got at by other animals, just a few feathers scattered around..like it had fallen or something.

anyway.. I knew this was special..the wings fell around it like angel wings...that is what I was drawn to.. but my companion was drawn to its claws....powerful and strong message...   I really wanted to take its wings, but this was not practical so we said our own thanks and walked on..

I returned to collect it on my own today..it was quite a trek and I didnt really know if it was still going to be there..or what state it was going to be in.  It did seem like I/we had missed the moment..but I couldnt stop thinking about it.  It was there!  still lovely and special...  and now gruesome as it sounds, I have its wings and claws in salt drying out...  its wings spread out are magnificent...   I have never done anything like this before but I knew that I had to do it..myself..

The message of a buzzard is a symbol of death and rebirth, new vision, new beginning and purification of the mind and body.  It asks us to be patient with ourselves and be sure of how we feel before we enter the arena of our plans...  as a buzzard is patient when it tracks its prey.  It also acknowledges you are being noticed more for what you do rather than how you look, soaring above the difficulties of life.

It teaches us to use the sense of smell and discernment, and how to glide and soar with our own energy. it foretells of imminent changes.   It also teaches confidence and the ability to stand with dignity and soar with clarity and purpose. 

It is now time for me to soar above my own perceived limitations.     It is asking whether I am ready to assert actions from my ideas!

Thank you to that beautiful man for sharing in that moment...  the message of this is also for him too...     I wonder as he was drawn to the claws in particular, whether this is about 'grasping hold', taking the plunge, to dive for what he desires...as the buzzard dives for its prey...  masculine, powerful, purposeful, strength.... X

Lion, Goddess Sekhmet...

Just been reminded of the Goddess Sekhmet, linked with Lion...

she is closely associated with Kundalini..  She has a bad reputation, that of violence, blood lust, and sexual passion.  Represents death as well as powerful feminine sexuality.  She demands women to be in their power and not be afraid of judgement.

mmm... women were calmly putting their heads into the lions mouths...  practising...  courageous, showing their strength, power... facing their fear/demons..

Deepening...Sparkles abound!

Been listening to new music today..and discovering some amazing lyrics.. seemed all appropriate and for me..but it didnt bring up much pain or sadness... just thankfulness for life.

A wise woman has told me some more of the significance of the dead crow I came across the other day.. it represents dark, kali energy...nothing to fear and she pointed out that becuase it still had the spinal cord trailing, which I particularly noticed, this represented the kundalini energy... All resonates.

The fallout from writing this way has begun, I'm surprised it has taken this long..but it seems that some of those in my life just cannot stand the openness or honesty that I live by, or they project onto me all manner of labels and conditions on to me, based on their position, their fears, their status quo. It did for a few minutes get me into doubting me.. but the positive feedback I have had has helped counter that.. I dont judge anyone, love all and trust.

Today, I allowed the dogs to walk me through the woods... I explored new areas, they led over many obstacles..and we followed the brook to the top of the hill..where I could view the valley below and the Malverns in the distance... Its been a while since I sat at the top of the hill...amazing beauty surrounds me here.

A tree that has the stream coming through the roots called me..and I touched the trunk, it was so warm.. it seemed to pulse under my touch... and I lay my back against the moss to soak in the energy. I then lay down on the half of the fallen tree, which is on teh ground... above, there is a clearing in teh foliage, and I can see the sky.. but as I look through the sky.. It became brighter and brigher..with hundreds of tiny flecks of light, darting around, like specks of dust in the sunlight.

Amazing, spectacular light show.. beautiful..I kept having to close my eyes, becuase after a while, they woudl hurt.. but when I opened them again, there they would be again. Each time I closed my eyes, I felt this pulse and the shadow/light pulsed in my 'eyelids'... This was very different to my more 'cosmic' experiences..where I getplunged through the stars and planets into the blackness, nothingness, ...this was pure light...the little particles of sparkles dancing around in a very light blue hue... beautiful!

Moon bathing..

At around 3.30am, I awoke suddendly and felt drawn to go and sit outside, directly under the moon.. I took some of my crystals with me and sat facing the moon but what drew me in was the planet/star that is so bright a little way across. does anyone know what this is? I am guessing it was Venus?

Anyway, I sank in, breathed and just soaked up the energies... with my eyes open, I could see a few dark holes in the sky but if I looked directly at the blackness, they disappeared... I wondered if I had been reading too much about stargates etc and just decided to close my eyes and meditate deeply.

As the dawn approached, a group of bats started circuling above, I was aware of their 'clicks' as they darted around the rooftop above.. graceful and silent apart from their clicking.. and as it got lighter, they disappeared and the birds started their chorus, joined by the resident cockerall...

After moving my crystals up to my altar where the goddess statue sits, I returned to bed and slept..waking up at intervals..I feel connected to the ex, when his alarm would go off, when he would eat, dress, leave for work etc... I am feeling a little frustrated with myself at doing this.. it feels so attached..but I wont beat myself up!

Bats as a power animal? Apparently they indicate death and rebirth. Bats help us to release fear and patterns which no longer fits within our pattern of growth. Bat flying into your life signifies that transformation of the ego self is about to occur, the end of a way of life and the start of another. The bat gives you the wisdom required to make the appropriate changes for the birthing of your new identity. Bats are sociable animals which can indicate a need for more sociability or increased opportunity with greater numbers of people.

Journey's and shifts.....

I went to the woods, and discovered new rambling brooks and twisted trees.. one tree had water flowing from underneath her roots which was amazing to watch and feel. On walking back, on my path was the head of dead bird, I think a crow, with the spinal cord trailing behind.. the rest of the body had gone. As i walked past, a load of wasps came out of it.. mmm.. anyone any ideas?

When I got back to the pc, I thought I was in a still place, but on my screen was updates of my 'friends' on facebook, one of them being my ex, who had decided to list all the gigs, festivals hes going to attend over the coming months... hit me right in the stomach! Felt nauseous, panicky and decided to delete him from my 'friends' list as I just cant do this to my heart any more. This link has to be broken... feel right now a mixture of relief and sadness!

I then followed a lead meditation by a woman inspirational teacher, Rori Raye, who looks into all things to do with relationships, and this particular meditation was about looking at why we attract certain partners...there is a belief that we attract the qualities in others that we dont want to face in ourselves...

So off I went on my inner journey, into a cold, damp, dark cave like place. There was a young girl in there cowering in the corner, wearing white, which had gotten dirty from the living conditions. Her name was Polly, she was afraid, lonely, seemed small, bent over, as if trying to make herself invisible! I was crying throughout the scene.. this girl before me was wearing white but was trying to blend in to the background, trying not to be noticed...in a black cave! She was wary of me, not very approachable and was used to putting people off... Rori talked me through telling her that I was in charge, that I was strong but would she help me.. Polly said, I dont how to help, shaking her head in fear. I held out my arms and hugged her but she didnt respond with any energy..

That felt good writing that all down.. I am still digesting it but it all feels significant...

Frogs, Toads? Magical liquids.... and moving..

Re-visiting the woods, coming home... beautiful and peaceful, allowing me to bleed on mother earth for a little while and then ceasing again!

All around the fallen tree today were loads of little frogs or toads..no idea what the difference is but they all hopped around when I turned up so I let them be. As a power animal they are said to bring great cleansing of negative mental and physical energies and an invitation to take a leap forward..

A few weeks ago, I thanked my landlady for allowing me the opportunity to stay on her land..I felt and do feel so blessed to be surrounded by such beauty.. for the first time in my life, I find that I am totally at ease, feel safe and nourished and comfortable in my surroundings..being able to live alone and yet not feel lonely (most of the time :) ) As soon as I said that to her, I realised that I might be asked to let go very soon, yes, i had become 'comfortable'...

So, now there may be a possibility that I move to somewhere less isolated and share a house again...I know that I will be able to attend more things, meet more people and have the support of living with another person... We shall see..I know that the beauty I see around me is everywhere, within me..so although it will be a wrench to move away, if its the right thing to do, nothing will be lost..but still!

oh.. realised I put magical liquids in the title... just started to take MMS..someone recommended it for me..it seems to be the latest 'magical supplement'.. I have nothing to lose, it was so reasonable compared to all the other 'remedies' out there... so watch this space.. I too, might turn into a frog!

Planets, the cosmos and power animals.

I looked back at some of the recent planetary goings on...  the solar eclipse on the 11th signalled a beginning of a new cycle in life..a time to act and make decisions that we have been hesitant about before..from then on for the next six months is the period to make changes to those aspects of our lives that we are dissatisfied with..releasing all that no longer serve you.. very poignant..

Someone has sent me some info on power animal energy and the meaning of deer energy which I wish to share:  (following my earlier blog)

Deer's medicine includes gentleness in word, thought and touch. The ability to listen, grace and appreciation for the beauty of balance. Understanding of what's necessary for survival, power of gratitude and giving, ability to sacrifice for the higher good, connection to the woodland goddess, alternative paths to a goal.  Deer has entered your life to help you walk the path of love with full consciousness and awareness, to know that love sometimes requires caring and protection, not only in how we love others, but also in how we love ourselves. Deer teaches us to be gentle, to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are in our lives. Don't push people to change, rather gently nudge them in right direction, with the love that comes from deer. Love and accept people as they are. The balance of true power lays in love and compassion.

Surrendering and Releasing,,,

There seems so much to write today.. I went to help a friend on Saturday..a dear sister who is going through so much of her own heartache and life turmoil... and then intended to go to a music night but things didnt turn out that way!  Her car broke down and we spent much of the evening with a 'very nice' AA Man - (i have learned so much about power steering fluid)...and then spent an evening sharing with sisters until the early hours....

The story I heard from one of  them touched a memory in me that I thought I had 'dealt' with.. that of being with a 'controlling' and possibly violent man and the hold that takes over you as a women in that situation...  we are powerful women and yet still succumb..it was a valuable learning for me..

This morning, I travelled through the lanes towards beloved Avebury..and yet another blast from my past.. my old campervan I spotted on a field....suddenly found myslef wanting to take 'ownership' of the van..she looked so beautiful and cared for... I htought I had surrendered it long ago...instead I recovered my picture of Amma from inside and went on my way to the stones...

Then life showed me one of those special gifts... it all happened so quickly but in slow motion...  I was driving along and a car was coming the other way on a country lane..when out of the side, a deer was running across the road in front of us....  so graceful and magical...  both us drivers stopped, we looked into each others eyes for a brief moment, seemingly to acknowledge this connection.. and then when the deer had disappeared, we both put our foot back on our pedal..and moved on.  What a Gift...meeting love, recognising it, acknowledging it and then letting it go...all playing out in front of my eyes.

I walked the avenue, the stones at a slow pace, taking in the magical energies and really surrendering all thoughts and feelings, letting go, shedding, ...getting lighter step by step...it was an amazing mini-journey.  I was smiling, really taking in  how beautiful life is really..how much I have to be thankful for.

Having lunch I sat with a photographer who had been taking lots of pictures of the stones..and he talked about he was going to photoshop them to bring them to life in his creative way...  he talked about his love of  his area, of England, of his wife, his life..  a brief exchange..and it was wonderful.

Visiting the stones that I have resonance with, constantly letting go of thoughts, feelings, pain but not beating my self up over them..letting go and letting go....   and then the trees with roots that seem to just be calling you in to sit amongst them.. i sat..and read some of the notes that had been left by others.  Some were saying goodbye to loved ones, others had their dreams and wishes for their future...it felt like I was taking a glimpse into another human experience...touching.

Thanking the stones, I then went to the Long Barrow and the waters at the edge.. magical place..filled with gifts left by others, ribbons and trinkets makeing their noises along with teh birds and the buzz of insects.  I took my shoes off and plunged my feet into the cold waters...so amazing...to feel the circulation in my legs come alive and travel up and up my spine.. I stayed there for ages..silently acknowledging where I was at..and having such clarity that things are just as they should be.

I left my own messages, invisible, non-physical ones and then travelled home to pick up Milo.....  There is more but I need to eat and nourish myself....maybe speak more later.