Loved this when I came across it:
Those who are afraid of sex will be afraid of death and those who are afraid of death will be afraid of sex. The fear is there that "I may be lost. How am I to be certain that I will be capable of coming back?" It is uncertain. Who knows whether you will come back or whether you will go on and on, and disappear completely?
Source is unknown...
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
Quiet Breathe! Air filled lungs....aahhhh!!!
What a delightful day! Sunshine and being able to breathe in a way that I havent felt for so long! The steroids have I would say kicked in and although no longer taking them, it will brilliant today to be able to walk fast through town, up hill, breathe deep in my belly and 'listen' to my almost silent breathing! Amazing! I went for a big walk with the dogs....soaking in the last of the days sunshine...and expressing delight at everything.
Earlier today I went to a family funeral..I'm not religious but my mother is.. We sat together in the crematorium, she singing, praying and crying...I closing my eyes in remembrance of a cousin that used to 'look after me' when I was small. In later years, we used to bump into each other at car boot sales and compare our bargains... I watched the outpouring of grief, sadness, tears as we stood outside afterwards, my mum comforting her niece as she sobbed on her shoulder. I hadnt seen my mum taking that role before - it was weird watching. I loved how she held her niece tight.. the energy seemed to go through my body into the earth. Phil - I think of you with gratitude and a smile.
To end the day, I am typing this and it feels so good to not hear my breathing being so laboured... I choose deep, clear breath.
Earlier today I went to a family funeral..I'm not religious but my mother is.. We sat together in the crematorium, she singing, praying and crying...I closing my eyes in remembrance of a cousin that used to 'look after me' when I was small. In later years, we used to bump into each other at car boot sales and compare our bargains... I watched the outpouring of grief, sadness, tears as we stood outside afterwards, my mum comforting her niece as she sobbed on her shoulder. I hadnt seen my mum taking that role before - it was weird watching. I loved how she held her niece tight.. the energy seemed to go through my body into the earth. Phil - I think of you with gratitude and a smile.
To end the day, I am typing this and it feels so good to not hear my breathing being so laboured... I choose deep, clear breath.
Saturday, 18 September 2010
Despair, Sinking, dark places,...Sleep.........beautiful day today!
Yesterday evening I went into this dark place, revealed a dark side..one that isnt real, one that wishes to hurt, one that wishes to be noticed and soothed... I was alone, feeling sorry for myself, trying not to anticipate another sleepless night of breathing problems...
I didnt help myself consciously, instead, I had a glass of wine...so the wrong thing to do.. for it only assisted in my spiralling down into more despair and negativity. A friend skyped me and in the middle of our conversation, I switched the computer..wanting her to worry about what had happened... it felt good but immediately I knew that was so unreal...and felt sick that I could even think/do such a thing.. dark side revealed herself! I have been stopping myself crying for fear that it would only make my bloodshot eyes and breathing worse.. but this time, i didnt stop it.. I cried and cried, releasing all the 'crap' I'd held in..
I threw the rest of the wine away, switched off the comedy dvd's, that were supposed to be 'cheering me up', ate something to soak up the alchohol and sat outside under the half moon...then lit the candles on my altar and meditated...became more centred and real with myself.
In preparation for bed, I propped up loads of pillows to enable me to sit up in bed to help my breathing, lit a candle, got a hot water bottle, prepared a hot drink in a flask for the night and decided to take half a sleeping tablet that my doctor gave me last year. I hate the feeling of 'losing control' when taking such a drug... but I hoped it woudl relax me and my windpipe/lungs enough to enable me to get some sleep... I drifted off watching the half moon sink out of the window frame.
I awoke in the early hours to Milo howling at the phone ringing..it was a friend, a guy that I have become close to..he was concerned about me..worried that I might choose to stop breathing again.. and die... We talked for ages, me propped up in bed, I cried some more, released some more stuff, admitting that my body aches and aches... He loved me through in his own way...and I fell to sleep gently.
The sunshine through my blind awoke me this morning...everything looks brighter of course.. blue skies..although cold. I feel like I have been hit by a bus..but at least my eyes have gone back to their clear white..and slowly my body is releasing its tension and coming back to me. My breathing is still bad, my throat seems so closed...but I know that the last lot of work I;ve done on it went deep.. and it will take gentleness and time to integrate... I dont want it dampened down or calmed.. I need to heal this..whatever it is....
I didnt help myself consciously, instead, I had a glass of wine...so the wrong thing to do.. for it only assisted in my spiralling down into more despair and negativity. A friend skyped me and in the middle of our conversation, I switched the computer..wanting her to worry about what had happened... it felt good but immediately I knew that was so unreal...and felt sick that I could even think/do such a thing.. dark side revealed herself! I have been stopping myself crying for fear that it would only make my bloodshot eyes and breathing worse.. but this time, i didnt stop it.. I cried and cried, releasing all the 'crap' I'd held in..
I threw the rest of the wine away, switched off the comedy dvd's, that were supposed to be 'cheering me up', ate something to soak up the alchohol and sat outside under the half moon...then lit the candles on my altar and meditated...became more centred and real with myself.
In preparation for bed, I propped up loads of pillows to enable me to sit up in bed to help my breathing, lit a candle, got a hot water bottle, prepared a hot drink in a flask for the night and decided to take half a sleeping tablet that my doctor gave me last year. I hate the feeling of 'losing control' when taking such a drug... but I hoped it woudl relax me and my windpipe/lungs enough to enable me to get some sleep... I drifted off watching the half moon sink out of the window frame.
I awoke in the early hours to Milo howling at the phone ringing..it was a friend, a guy that I have become close to..he was concerned about me..worried that I might choose to stop breathing again.. and die... We talked for ages, me propped up in bed, I cried some more, released some more stuff, admitting that my body aches and aches... He loved me through in his own way...and I fell to sleep gently.
The sunshine through my blind awoke me this morning...everything looks brighter of course.. blue skies..although cold. I feel like I have been hit by a bus..but at least my eyes have gone back to their clear white..and slowly my body is releasing its tension and coming back to me. My breathing is still bad, my throat seems so closed...but I know that the last lot of work I;ve done on it went deep.. and it will take gentleness and time to integrate... I dont want it dampened down or calmed.. I need to heal this..whatever it is....
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Lion, Goddess Sekhmet...
Just been reminded of the Goddess Sekhmet, linked with Lion...
she is closely associated with Kundalini.. She has a bad reputation, that of violence, blood lust, and sexual passion. Represents death as well as powerful feminine sexuality. She demands women to be in their power and not be afraid of judgement.
mmm... women were calmly putting their heads into the lions mouths... practising... courageous, showing their strength, power... facing their fear/demons..
she is closely associated with Kundalini.. She has a bad reputation, that of violence, blood lust, and sexual passion. Represents death as well as powerful feminine sexuality. She demands women to be in their power and not be afraid of judgement.
mmm... women were calmly putting their heads into the lions mouths... practising... courageous, showing their strength, power... facing their fear/demons..
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
Moon bathing..
At around 3.30am, I awoke suddendly and felt drawn to go and sit outside, directly under the moon.. I took some of my crystals with me and sat facing the moon but what drew me in was the planet/star that is so bright a little way across. does anyone know what this is? I am guessing it was Venus?
Anyway, I sank in, breathed and just soaked up the energies... with my eyes open, I could see a few dark holes in the sky but if I looked directly at the blackness, they disappeared... I wondered if I had been reading too much about stargates etc and just decided to close my eyes and meditate deeply.
As the dawn approached, a group of bats started circuling above, I was aware of their 'clicks' as they darted around the rooftop above.. graceful and silent apart from their clicking.. and as it got lighter, they disappeared and the birds started their chorus, joined by the resident cockerall...
After moving my crystals up to my altar where the goddess statue sits, I returned to bed and slept..waking up at intervals..I feel connected to the ex, when his alarm would go off, when he would eat, dress, leave for work etc... I am feeling a little frustrated with myself at doing this.. it feels so attached..but I wont beat myself up!
Bats as a power animal? Apparently they indicate death and rebirth. Bats help us to release fear and patterns which no longer fits within our pattern of growth. Bat flying into your life signifies that transformation of the ego self is about to occur, the end of a way of life and the start of another. The bat gives you the wisdom required to make the appropriate changes for the birthing of your new identity. Bats are sociable animals which can indicate a need for more sociability or increased opportunity with greater numbers of people.
Anyway, I sank in, breathed and just soaked up the energies... with my eyes open, I could see a few dark holes in the sky but if I looked directly at the blackness, they disappeared... I wondered if I had been reading too much about stargates etc and just decided to close my eyes and meditate deeply.
As the dawn approached, a group of bats started circuling above, I was aware of their 'clicks' as they darted around the rooftop above.. graceful and silent apart from their clicking.. and as it got lighter, they disappeared and the birds started their chorus, joined by the resident cockerall...
After moving my crystals up to my altar where the goddess statue sits, I returned to bed and slept..waking up at intervals..I feel connected to the ex, when his alarm would go off, when he would eat, dress, leave for work etc... I am feeling a little frustrated with myself at doing this.. it feels so attached..but I wont beat myself up!
Bats as a power animal? Apparently they indicate death and rebirth. Bats help us to release fear and patterns which no longer fits within our pattern of growth. Bat flying into your life signifies that transformation of the ego self is about to occur, the end of a way of life and the start of another. The bat gives you the wisdom required to make the appropriate changes for the birthing of your new identity. Bats are sociable animals which can indicate a need for more sociability or increased opportunity with greater numbers of people.
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