No sleep...breathing terrible...despairing!

Had a wonderful nights sleep the night before - woke up at 10am yesterday - felt great... but last night, paid for that and tossed and turned through the hours! Ear was really painful but it was more my breathing or rather struggle to breathe that kept me awake!

Feel so despairing with it now... seemed to have processed and progressed through all angles of what is going on - on all levels for many years. Tried conventional and non-conventional method's and still it persists! Each time a new path, product, treatment comes my way - I give it my best. What am I to do? Surrender, accept....easier said...I do and I do..but when its your breath, its kinda in your face! Have no idea which way to turn with it now..

I am sure that 'falling off' my vegan diet the last few weeks has triggered my ear - as there is no 'emotional' stress going on right now. But the breathing has come and gone all the while...

I have said before that I believe that we create our illness, disease in our bodies and somehow, I have triggered an over-reaction in my immune system - which I know I can reverse but how to get to that? Each method, treatment, strategy I have tried has been worth it, each in their own has shown me a new depth, a learning of somesort but right now.I am tired..

having got up out of bed as I was close to tears which would only have made my breathing worse, iit helps to sit and write it out...now I fancy cornflakes!

Ah.. the sun is rising...

Sleepless Night....sooo tired!

A sleepless night..tossing turning.  this time not down to my breathing which is still much improved... who knows why!

Approaching full moon, my bleed, 'that mans' energy that is still managing to weave its way in to my dreamtime...I dont know.  I've read, I've meditated, listening to music, read my emails, had some tea and now writing this!

Feels like I have done a days work in my dreamtime...maybe I am working with him in a parellel universe!  Sooooo tired! 

Short and sweet (ish) blog this time...   Being drawn to my bed!

Sleepless Night, Hackers, Calming Wood....Collective Ascension

Well had a very restless night..started off great with a relaxing candlelit bath, lovely music, early to bed..but then woke about 3am as I couldnt breathe again...  so got up for a hot drink and switched on the laptop..  to discover that someone or something has hacked into one of my email accounts and sent spam emails to some of my contacts!  Great!  So spent the next few hours changing all my passwords, writing emails to those effected and virus checking my pc...

So, today, bloodshot eyes, headachey, feel like I have been hit by a bus..  so a restful day for me today.. 

Did venture into the woods with the dogs though..briefly.. lay my spine against one of the straight trees at the entrance and sank in..  felt much better... came home and spent ages under the shower....allowing all 'stuff' to drain away...  bliss!

Was talking to someone I know down in New Zealand where they are experiencing earthquake aftershocks at the moment.. amazing energies abound..shuddering and surrendering each time one occurs...  she noted that the shocks came as it was getting dark..and maybe it was connected to the collective consciousness of people in the area... all linking in to fear.. all facing the dark.. mmmm...

In todays news over in the UK, I noticed that the media are doing a great job stirring up fear amongst the masses by hinting that London is overdue for a major earthquake.... 

How I see it, earth is changing, transforming herself for the new..things will continue to happen now at faster rates...all culminating towards 2011/2012...the cosmic waves coming through will inevitably shift things, maybe in a way that may seem a disaster...BUT its how we view such changes as the key.. if we dont fear...face these changes consciously and know that its all part of a cycle, all for highest good..then we wont see such devestation... we might even collectively ascend!

Thought I would write a quick blog here, just set going my bread machine for the first time that someone has lent me, and have picked some fruit to make some pies at some point....   when I sign off though.. might just go back to bed for a wee while or even curl up in front of a dvd!   ah! either way.. here I come.....