Yearning of Woman..Aloneness.

I posted a music video on my facebook page yesterday - its a song written by a man, who talks of ‘holding’ woman in a tender, beautiful way. The link is below.

It has prompted some Sisters to write to me and a couple have posted on my wall with their tears, pain and fear that there are no men that are really committed to a deeper way of living and loving.

Much pain, sadness around the feminine principle it seems...sudden death of their beloved, sudden walk out of family home, years of not being met in a deep place, hurt by abuse, lack of commitment etc.. these are some of the ‘stories’ I have heard this week.

The feminine principle yearns to be met by true man who is committed to a deeper way of living and loving. She fears that there just aren’t men out there...tired of opening, giving of love to be disillusioned again and again. This particular song was written by Man and passed onto me by Man!

Aloneness – in the human form this comes and goes, a cycle, a fact of life. Maybe our challenge as Woman is to not close down when we have no physical beloved. She can use these times of aloneness to go deeper into her inner love. For me, I meditate, hold a tree as if it were my lover. Give it and the Earth your love and passion..breathe deep and you will feel the energy go through your body – see what happens next!

Eat well, dance, sing, read, enjoy nature, paint, draw, write..do anything that is creative...anything that you enjoy with a passion.....

With grace maybe that physical form will show up... if we are surrendered and open then that Man has an opportunity to meet us fully. I have written a few times of my sadness, despair, heartache and not perfect in all of this but I have never given up. I trust..

Love and tender hugs to all beautiful Sisters....

Musings on Love!

A foggy, misty day here in Worcestershire! The snow has practically gone, Milo flatly refuses to go out and hogging the settee, cosy by the fire. So we are both hibernating.

Musings at the moment amongst my friends with some familiar stories... man saying that he loves a woman but not IN love with her... Man saying 'just wants to be friends'...not ready etc etc... Woman feels these words so...much pain is caused. Same old cycles and patterns....

One of my male friends has just come through an experience and he has given me permission to share a recent email he sent me:

"The key learning is that it is an illusion for me to believe that Love only comes into my Life through a woman that I am in 'relationship' with. This belief as well as being untrue puts too much pressure on 'her' and expects her to live up to something that is impossible. Love is within me and all around me and I find it particularly easy to connect with in nature or in the creative arts such as dance and music. When I connect with this then the 'personal' Love that I may receive from another is like the icing on the cake, or a picture frame that brings out the beauty of a magnificent painting.

My old belief meant that once the newness and passion of a new relationship began to slip into the inevitable more familiar next stages of relationship there would be a voice within saying to me:

'"This will end, you will not find what you seek with this woman, so you may as well walk away. You are dishonouring her by being with her, you are just waiting for 'the one' and she is not 'the one'. A real man would walk away. It is unfair to be with her just till something better comes up. You cannot stay with her for fear of being alone. Leave her and do what you must. Perhaps the next woman will be 'the one'. "

Now, while the voice is true in that she alone will not give me what I seek, that is a Life of Love, it is untrue in leading me to believe that another woman will be able to. The children's story and countless sages tell of the 'Treasure Within' and while we spend our time searching the depths of the ocean and the highest mountains all the time The Treasure lies within. The Treasure of real Love lies within. The place where we refuse to look!!! Where I refused to look....until now.

It is clear that the myth of finding Love through our relationship with the opposite sex is sustained by society through Hollywood films etc.

I see that I do not need to cause us both pain by leaving something that is beautiful. I do not need to be so hard, so black and white. The journey of Love is not linear. It is not ends and beginnings. It is a dance. If one of us should meet another then so be it. We will share and talk and decide how to be with that if and when it happens. But I am not unconsciously or consciously seeking, waiting for 'the one' any more. My focus is on the Love within me and around me."


Insights indeed - thank you beautiful man..

As woman we also hold a 'romantic' view of love..hollywood style.fairytale story - expecting a knight in shining armour to collect us in his arms...take off with us in the sunset.. happy ever after! but weigh this up against the true yearning of wanting man to have the courage to lose his 'independance' and step right in... fully in... so painful when he doesnt, isnt able to for whatever reason.

Woman, we must take responsibility for our power...connect with Mother, nature, love that is us..without the need for physical man. Woman is love. However, when that man is physically there, to be soft, vulnerable and surrendered...giving him the space to be the man he truly is. Patience, tolerance, enouragement, humbleness, openness to what is..how it is, no matter how it looks... all part of learning, growth, human evolution.

Man..sorry this one may not be for you!

or maybe it is!

Over the last 24 hours I have got increasingly more disorientated, forgetful, not being able to function as I normally do.. almost dizzy as in typical 'blonde dizzy'! Really funny at times like forgetting immediately what someone has just said..and also a bit worrying.

I;ve increasingly become frustrated and getting irritated at.. dare I say it... the masculine energies.. not just man as such..but things like beurocratic nonsense from authorities. I received a letter from the employment office asking me a tonne of questions that I have already answered face to face.. and at the time said.. are you sure I dont need to fill something else in! Of course, they had 'forgotten' a form - which means a further delay in them sorting things out!

Irritation with man in physical form.. feeling that I am just not beign heard...this was highlighted when a man picked on a couple of words in a whole paragraph..instead of looking at the energy underneath and the whole picture of what I was saying, I got a response based on my terminology! this has happened many times to me.. I am trying to say something..just so happen to say the 'wrong' word that has a 'different' meaning to the man..and this is what they concentrate on..rather than looking at the whole thing of what I was saying. The whole conversation then reverts to these couple of words and the rest ignored. BAH! :)

Also, man's lack of love, lack of empathy for woman. Separating their love, individualising it..thinking that 'love' can only be declared for 'certain' people in their lives.. I love all beings for we are all connected.. as brother and sister. So i might say I love you to a woman as a friend as well as to my lover. I will extend my honesty and softness to all.

Lack of empathy, and not being able to be humble in their interaction with woman, giving up on their 'position', their 'comfort' in order to honour the woman that is standing in front of them. Sad and it is painful.

I know that this dynamic can be reversed..woman can be just as dishonouring and lack love..

So at risk of being slotted into the box of 'pre menstrual' woman rant...yes, at the rise of the full moon, I bleed..early..shouldnt be here yet which releases a lot of all this tension and irritation. Explains my lack of patience and being sensitive to things that probably wouldnt have got to me in the same way on other occasions. BUT, that doesnt negate anything I have said, for a woman to come into bleed, means that she is coming more into her power, yes more sensitive to energies, absolutely nothing wrong with that.

So, I am typing this at the same time as trying to get through to my GP surgery to cancel my 3rd smear test! Each time now I happended to have bled unexpectedly on the allotted day! My body being wise maybe? After all my cancer scares though, they are keen to check it all... mmmmm!

ok.. got through.. re-scheduled.. sorted..

I LOVE YOU ALL!
X

Gentleness.

Another brief entry..just been reading a beautiful sisters blog : The Journey of A Singing Woman who has just led a womens retreat in Holland.

She talks of a mother who had miscarried a child..she had closed her body, heart, voice and through the retreat opened up once more...   This touched me deeply, soft tears for the three babies I  have also lost...gentle greiving and a heart to heart recognition of another's grief..  Thank you my sisters..


A Journey of The Singing Woman

Being Authentic....Being Whole..

I have sat with the fact that I have two FB accounts and only link one to this blog..the one with all my mainly 'alternative', open-thinking contacts as friends..  meaning that the majority of my connections on FB rarely see this intimate account of my journey or the whole Lisa/Lissy Lou..

I realise that I did that mainly to 'temper' how I portray myself to certain people..ex work colleagues, family, old school friends etc for fear of ridicule, judgement etc.  This is pointless and just not authentic..using my other page as an escape route for what I dont want to hear or accept about my self.  

So... this is it.. I am deleting the other account..the friends on there are on my original one anyhow..   I have had a bit of feedback about my writings thus far but it would be really great to hear your reflections, thoughts, own seeings...  whatever we go through in life, is not personal...many are facing similar issues/crises and we can only see that when it is open and shared...

My reasons for starting a blog are detailed in the very first entry...following the lunar eclipse earlier this month...I have been asked several times to share in a group, workshop or forum and this feels a good way to begin..

If you are offended by anything, find reading this uncomfortable, think its werid stuff etc etc.. then by all means delete me from your friends list, or simply do not hit the blog tab... I will not be offended but I hope that you instead just share in my journey..

Nourished from the woods...

I have just retuned to the beloved woods at home....like returning to my real home..within and in the outer...

I sobbed into the trunk of the 'mother' tree and the 'father' tree...wailing in release of this pain...so primal and earthy..and so right somehow..  It didnt last long, as I careesed the curves of the trunk, its different forms of bark and moss...I became more centred and willed for more release of this pain into the cosmos..

it passed through...and the sunshine glimmered through the leaves..welcoming me into the new..unknown... asking me to let go with love and acceptance for what is.. for it is the will of life itself, I...

As I meditated in the gentle light, I noticed several times a sort of an eye, in the corner... with movement inside it... but as soon as I  'noticed' it or 'acknowledged' it with a thought, it disappeared... 

The tears are an indulgence of my ego..not getting what it wants..an attachment to the body/mind, pain..rather than true knowing...

I realise that all this 'dating game' has shown me time and time again that I truly dont want the 'ordinary, mundane life'...with comfort and security...when I am offered it, I refuse it for I know it will kill me.   With this love that has parted from me, there was an opportunity for the 'ordinary' to be transformed into the 'extra ordinary'....there was a glimpse that has not been fulfilled... this is what is so painful and to die to.

After a while in the woods, I bathed my feet in the stream....allowing its waters to flow through and around me.  I raised my arms to lift the veil, it was blissful...welcoming in the new, the as yet unknown...and releaseing the pain, old stuck energies through my soles.    As my eyes were closed, the eye returned, bigger and all encompassing...  this is who I truly am.

I see that I have 'tempered' who I am, set up a whole new profile page to hide my self and this blog from some others...its made it complicated and unreal somehow in the 'hope' that man will take the tiny steps into the unknown with me..rather than have to take a great leap!   But I cannot do that....I cannot use ego to appear to assist another in their journey..  their journey is theirs alone...it has to be all alone, all one!  He might just have to take the giant leap!

So, now I am sitting with whether to merge my profiles and make this more public to all my contacts not just those that I beleive will get it....  its personal but its not...but I also have to consider the feelings of others...mmmmmm!

Its just started to pour with rain here.... my door is open...and the newness of life the rain drops come in..  also smile as so many 'tears' have fallen like raindrops around the world from the scores of women suffering with heartache right now...  the tears like the rain..can transform and bring in the new..

Heart Breaking Surrender....

.... I am going through heaps...shedding so much.. in tears..  have to let go to what is..and accept.  its no good keep asking why..it hurts so much.  I love so deeply and open..so powerful and have to die to the pain of not being met/seen...   

Having spent a few more days with a man whom I love, I finally admit and accept that we must part our paths for good...  god, just writing the words, makes my stomach lurch and I have a pain in my chest..  but I know its right..and clear.

This man is not for me, not ready, cannot step through, fall in whatever... he speaks of finding the torture of regret, past attachment, guilt, his head a comfort!  he believes its his identity.. ..thinking that that somehow confirms his existence..   maybe the beauty he experienced with this woman scared him, threatens his attchement to his past, inviting him to fall into the unknown.... he cannot..  cannot take the opportunity that has presented to him at this time...he doesnt love..cant love.

So.. I must let him go..for to hold is fruitless, causing me to suffer not being seen or met fully by the man I love..

I surrdender to this.. and let him go on his journey... for he must go his own way...