A sister sent me this poem yesterday.. such truth!
I will love you unconditionally.
Every day I will let you go.
You are free my love.
...Where so ever you tread
I will love you.
In whoever's arms you may lay
I will love you.
Whenever you come to me
I will honour every moment
as a gift of new-ness
unexpected.
I will hold you in my arms
as if it were our first time.
My heart is ever open.
There is only Love.
~Yuri Leitch ~
This says more about what is occuring in my life right now than anything else I could write....
Showing posts with label heartbreak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heartbreak. Show all posts
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Friday, 16 July 2010
Nourished from the woods...
I have just retuned to the beloved woods at home....like returning to my real home..within and in the outer...
I sobbed into the trunk of the 'mother' tree and the 'father' tree...wailing in release of this pain...so primal and earthy..and so right somehow.. It didnt last long, as I careesed the curves of the trunk, its different forms of bark and moss...I became more centred and willed for more release of this pain into the cosmos..
it passed through...and the sunshine glimmered through the leaves..welcoming me into the new..unknown... asking me to let go with love and acceptance for what is.. for it is the will of life itself, I...
As I meditated in the gentle light, I noticed several times a sort of an eye, in the corner... with movement inside it... but as soon as I 'noticed' it or 'acknowledged' it with a thought, it disappeared...
The tears are an indulgence of my ego..not getting what it wants..an attachment to the body/mind, pain..rather than true knowing...
I realise that all this 'dating game' has shown me time and time again that I truly dont want the 'ordinary, mundane life'...with comfort and security...when I am offered it, I refuse it for I know it will kill me. With this love that has parted from me, there was an opportunity for the 'ordinary' to be transformed into the 'extra ordinary'....there was a glimpse that has not been fulfilled... this is what is so painful and to die to.
After a while in the woods, I bathed my feet in the stream....allowing its waters to flow through and around me. I raised my arms to lift the veil, it was blissful...welcoming in the new, the as yet unknown...and releaseing the pain, old stuck energies through my soles. As my eyes were closed, the eye returned, bigger and all encompassing... this is who I truly am.
I see that I have 'tempered' who I am, set up a whole new profile page to hide my self and this blog from some others...its made it complicated and unreal somehow in the 'hope' that man will take the tiny steps into the unknown with me..rather than have to take a great leap! But I cannot do that....I cannot use ego to appear to assist another in their journey.. their journey is theirs alone...it has to be all alone, all one! He might just have to take the giant leap!
So, now I am sitting with whether to merge my profiles and make this more public to all my contacts not just those that I beleive will get it.... its personal but its not...but I also have to consider the feelings of others...mmmmmm!
Its just started to pour with rain here.... my door is open...and the newness of life the rain drops come in.. also smile as so many 'tears' have fallen like raindrops around the world from the scores of women suffering with heartache right now... the tears like the rain..can transform and bring in the new..
I sobbed into the trunk of the 'mother' tree and the 'father' tree...wailing in release of this pain...so primal and earthy..and so right somehow.. It didnt last long, as I careesed the curves of the trunk, its different forms of bark and moss...I became more centred and willed for more release of this pain into the cosmos..
it passed through...and the sunshine glimmered through the leaves..welcoming me into the new..unknown... asking me to let go with love and acceptance for what is.. for it is the will of life itself, I...
As I meditated in the gentle light, I noticed several times a sort of an eye, in the corner... with movement inside it... but as soon as I 'noticed' it or 'acknowledged' it with a thought, it disappeared...
The tears are an indulgence of my ego..not getting what it wants..an attachment to the body/mind, pain..rather than true knowing...
I realise that all this 'dating game' has shown me time and time again that I truly dont want the 'ordinary, mundane life'...with comfort and security...when I am offered it, I refuse it for I know it will kill me. With this love that has parted from me, there was an opportunity for the 'ordinary' to be transformed into the 'extra ordinary'....there was a glimpse that has not been fulfilled... this is what is so painful and to die to.
After a while in the woods, I bathed my feet in the stream....allowing its waters to flow through and around me. I raised my arms to lift the veil, it was blissful...welcoming in the new, the as yet unknown...and releaseing the pain, old stuck energies through my soles. As my eyes were closed, the eye returned, bigger and all encompassing... this is who I truly am.
I see that I have 'tempered' who I am, set up a whole new profile page to hide my self and this blog from some others...its made it complicated and unreal somehow in the 'hope' that man will take the tiny steps into the unknown with me..rather than have to take a great leap! But I cannot do that....I cannot use ego to appear to assist another in their journey.. their journey is theirs alone...it has to be all alone, all one! He might just have to take the giant leap!
So, now I am sitting with whether to merge my profiles and make this more public to all my contacts not just those that I beleive will get it.... its personal but its not...but I also have to consider the feelings of others...mmmmmm!
Its just started to pour with rain here.... my door is open...and the newness of life the rain drops come in.. also smile as so many 'tears' have fallen like raindrops around the world from the scores of women suffering with heartache right now... the tears like the rain..can transform and bring in the new..
Heart Breaking Surrender....
.... I am going through heaps...shedding so much.. in tears.. have to let go to what is..and accept. its no good keep asking why..it hurts so much. I love so deeply and open..so powerful and have to die to the pain of not being met/seen...
Having spent a few more days with a man whom I love, I finally admit and accept that we must part our paths for good... god, just writing the words, makes my stomach lurch and I have a pain in my chest.. but I know its right..and clear.
This man is not for me, not ready, cannot step through, fall in whatever... he speaks of finding the torture of regret, past attachment, guilt, his head a comfort! he believes its his identity.. ..thinking that that somehow confirms his existence.. maybe the beauty he experienced with this woman scared him, threatens his attchement to his past, inviting him to fall into the unknown.... he cannot.. cannot take the opportunity that has presented to him at this time...he doesnt love..cant love.
So.. I must let him go..for to hold is fruitless, causing me to suffer not being seen or met fully by the man I love..
I surrdender to this.. and let him go on his journey... for he must go his own way...
Having spent a few more days with a man whom I love, I finally admit and accept that we must part our paths for good... god, just writing the words, makes my stomach lurch and I have a pain in my chest.. but I know its right..and clear.
This man is not for me, not ready, cannot step through, fall in whatever... he speaks of finding the torture of regret, past attachment, guilt, his head a comfort! he believes its his identity.. ..thinking that that somehow confirms his existence.. maybe the beauty he experienced with this woman scared him, threatens his attchement to his past, inviting him to fall into the unknown.... he cannot.. cannot take the opportunity that has presented to him at this time...he doesnt love..cant love.
So.. I must let him go..for to hold is fruitless, causing me to suffer not being seen or met fully by the man I love..
I surrdender to this.. and let him go on his journey... for he must go his own way...
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