Nourished from the woods...

I have just retuned to the beloved woods at home....like returning to my real home..within and in the outer...

I sobbed into the trunk of the 'mother' tree and the 'father' tree...wailing in release of this pain...so primal and earthy..and so right somehow..  It didnt last long, as I careesed the curves of the trunk, its different forms of bark and moss...I became more centred and willed for more release of this pain into the cosmos..

it passed through...and the sunshine glimmered through the leaves..welcoming me into the new..unknown... asking me to let go with love and acceptance for what is.. for it is the will of life itself, I...

As I meditated in the gentle light, I noticed several times a sort of an eye, in the corner... with movement inside it... but as soon as I  'noticed' it or 'acknowledged' it with a thought, it disappeared... 

The tears are an indulgence of my ego..not getting what it wants..an attachment to the body/mind, pain..rather than true knowing...

I realise that all this 'dating game' has shown me time and time again that I truly dont want the 'ordinary, mundane life'...with comfort and security...when I am offered it, I refuse it for I know it will kill me.   With this love that has parted from me, there was an opportunity for the 'ordinary' to be transformed into the 'extra ordinary'....there was a glimpse that has not been fulfilled... this is what is so painful and to die to.

After a while in the woods, I bathed my feet in the stream....allowing its waters to flow through and around me.  I raised my arms to lift the veil, it was blissful...welcoming in the new, the as yet unknown...and releaseing the pain, old stuck energies through my soles.    As my eyes were closed, the eye returned, bigger and all encompassing...  this is who I truly am.

I see that I have 'tempered' who I am, set up a whole new profile page to hide my self and this blog from some others...its made it complicated and unreal somehow in the 'hope' that man will take the tiny steps into the unknown with me..rather than have to take a great leap!   But I cannot do that....I cannot use ego to appear to assist another in their journey..  their journey is theirs alone...it has to be all alone, all one!  He might just have to take the giant leap!

So, now I am sitting with whether to merge my profiles and make this more public to all my contacts not just those that I beleive will get it....  its personal but its not...but I also have to consider the feelings of others...mmmmmm!

Its just started to pour with rain here.... my door is open...and the newness of life the rain drops come in..  also smile as so many 'tears' have fallen like raindrops around the world from the scores of women suffering with heartache right now...  the tears like the rain..can transform and bring in the new..