Friday, 23 July 2010

Yearnings, Longings, Pain and Trust

Not sure what to write just now...but as I type, I am sure words will come.  All day, I have been shall we say ‘stewing’....and been having a sort of longing..  to be seen and met fully..on all levels, but especially physically.   Being intimate physically is an important part of being human and at times today  I have just wanted to be held, loved and connected with...and if I am honest, I have felt angry at this not being fulfilled.  Mixed with all these feelings are the deep knowing that all is ok, that I am blessed for what I have experienced thus far and see that there is a higher or larger energy at play....which I am not yet able to see.. So I must trust, in life, love, truth, the universe, god or whatever the label is...and surrender to what is..and acceptance..and for the most part I do. The full moon coming, hormones, earth and female cycles, little me, all have an effect on all this..

The walk in the countryside during the day with the dogs was healing..feeling the earth, grass and water under my feet..and just breathing..deeply..letting go.  The following scene played out; The dogs played well together but then she would get over zealous and start to become over-bearing to Milo..and he in turn would attempt to push her away by snapping and snarling.  Now all she wanted to do was play..she was being herself.. her tail was wagging enthusiastically...but for Milo, he needed some space..a little time between play and didn’t react well to being cajoled into play...it was just too much for him.  For her..she couldn’t understand Milo’s reaction..why wouldn’t he join her in this fun, why did he not want to play..surely Milo enjoys it all just as much..etc etc  In turn, when Milo was performing his tricks, fetching and bringing sticks etc, she would get irritated with him, bark at him and attempt to distract him.  Milo didn’t hardly notice...all he was concentrating on was his stick!  At the end of the day, their energies were different, they had different ideas of what play was, and how much they were prepared to play each others idea of a game.....

In the evening, I sat with two sisters, sharing. Another heartache being experienced..in a totally different way..a disconnection through illness/body trauma...another facet of longing, yearning and grief, pain and loss...even though the physical body is still ‘present’ and sharing the same bed. Showing me again that if we share, we discover that we are not alone in the things/issues we are facing in our lives..

My eyes are not able to stay open for too much longer... Love to all my sisters and brothers facing seemingly difficult times right now... all is ok though.. we just have to stop focusing on the past and the future... live our lives fully in the present...and trust that all will become clear.

No comments:

Post a Comment