An eventful week.. an emotional start to the week with the news of the NZ earthquake that has caused so much devastation. Even once I knew that all my loved ones and friends from Lyttleton and Christchurch were safe..the realisation that my closest friend was landing in that area at the time the quake hit.. touched me greatly. The shock of it went through my body..and I found myself being very emotional and weepy the whole day. An inner call to myself!
Even so, that same day, I met for the second time a man that I have connected with and his masculine presence has touched me deeply, and I welcome this new energy into my life. All a bit of a surprise really and even more so to notice my wariness of trusting a man, whether he can indeed hold this energy and remain in his authority. I am open though, I cant be anything else and trust that life knows what is true..time will tell and things will unfold.. How delightful that is!
All in all, a week of loving and reminders of how precious our experience as a human being is...we dont get that long really..so no point in holding back or waiting.
For those of you that are drawn and able to help support the wonderful work that friends are doing in Christchurch, there is a link to a donation page. They are travelling to the rescue centres in their double decker red bus and distributing hot chocolate and chocolate as well as offering massage, hugs and healing. Check them out at the following link: http://www.shechocolat.com/
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Friday, 25 February 2011
Monday, 16 August 2010
Powerful women, flavours of dance, Kali!
Energies abound in the night...couldnt sleep and so it seems neither did some of my sisters!
Its amazing and humbling to share with sisters experiencing pain from what seems to be a loss of love, whether through separation, death or illness... similar flavours of the same dance. Its through this dance, ever deepening journey which is what allows us as women to reconnect with the source directly, feel and know that love directly with the beloved, regardless of the external play.
We are truly powerful women! We all have our own way of fulfilling this deep desire, to be fulfilled completely... and we truly already know that we cannot be separate from love for we are that. I once lay next to the shell of the man that had once met me in divine union... the shape of the man was still there, but He was gone... it hurt, there was such longing for what had been, attachment to the past and unwillingness to accept what was in the present... for me, I lay in the darkness, placed my hand on my heart and abdoman, and breathed... breathed in love, consciousness and breathed out...closing my eyes and sinking into the sensation..I was not alone, I was never alone... I am love and connected to source directly...grateful to have had the expeirence of divine union..some never have or will ahve that direct knowledge!
And I have already written about connecting again through nature, through choosing a tree and melting into that that way...truly blessed we are!
however, we are in a physical human form, we are having a human experience..and we do feel emotions that need not be dismissed as in some teachings.. they are there to show us something real.. the difference is is that if we are conscious of what they showing us, then we dont get hooked into them or dwell/sink and lose ourselves in them. Surely that is more real than denying that they even exist - which to me is another sneaky form of ego?
There are ways that we can love ourselves physically, in our human bodies; it may be through meditation, music, dance, song, loving nature, hugging trees, healing, massage, sorting papers/files, cleaning windows, doing our nails, sorting our jewellery, gardening, making something....sisters, go now, write a list of everything you want to do... everything. on one sheet..not prioritise it, or put it into categories,,just list them. And then take pleasure in going to that list when you have 'moments' and choosing something to do off that list.... and then crossing it out when done! Its wonderful and satisfying...
Onto where I currently am on this journey; I am being 'seen', being loved from afar, being pursued, being wooed...and it is wonderful! My ears have not heard such devotion to She for a while... I am also being seen as Kali..one that is capable of taking her knife of truth and dispensing with anything less with directness , honesty and love. That is scary for man that approaches.. he must have the courage and strength to face her directly and be willing to die for She.. She is patient and surrendered.
I welcome and honour man that takes that step..
Its amazing and humbling to share with sisters experiencing pain from what seems to be a loss of love, whether through separation, death or illness... similar flavours of the same dance. Its through this dance, ever deepening journey which is what allows us as women to reconnect with the source directly, feel and know that love directly with the beloved, regardless of the external play.
We are truly powerful women! We all have our own way of fulfilling this deep desire, to be fulfilled completely... and we truly already know that we cannot be separate from love for we are that. I once lay next to the shell of the man that had once met me in divine union... the shape of the man was still there, but He was gone... it hurt, there was such longing for what had been, attachment to the past and unwillingness to accept what was in the present... for me, I lay in the darkness, placed my hand on my heart and abdoman, and breathed... breathed in love, consciousness and breathed out...closing my eyes and sinking into the sensation..I was not alone, I was never alone... I am love and connected to source directly...grateful to have had the expeirence of divine union..some never have or will ahve that direct knowledge!
And I have already written about connecting again through nature, through choosing a tree and melting into that that way...truly blessed we are!
however, we are in a physical human form, we are having a human experience..and we do feel emotions that need not be dismissed as in some teachings.. they are there to show us something real.. the difference is is that if we are conscious of what they showing us, then we dont get hooked into them or dwell/sink and lose ourselves in them. Surely that is more real than denying that they even exist - which to me is another sneaky form of ego?
There are ways that we can love ourselves physically, in our human bodies; it may be through meditation, music, dance, song, loving nature, hugging trees, healing, massage, sorting papers/files, cleaning windows, doing our nails, sorting our jewellery, gardening, making something....sisters, go now, write a list of everything you want to do... everything. on one sheet..not prioritise it, or put it into categories,,just list them. And then take pleasure in going to that list when you have 'moments' and choosing something to do off that list.... and then crossing it out when done! Its wonderful and satisfying...
Onto where I currently am on this journey; I am being 'seen', being loved from afar, being pursued, being wooed...and it is wonderful! My ears have not heard such devotion to She for a while... I am also being seen as Kali..one that is capable of taking her knife of truth and dispensing with anything less with directness , honesty and love. That is scary for man that approaches.. he must have the courage and strength to face her directly and be willing to die for She.. She is patient and surrendered.
I welcome and honour man that takes that step..
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
Another layer of Grief!
Well, today, I feel as though I am completely lost.. having deleted my ex from FB, and receiving an email from him, acknowledging that we needed space apart and hoped we would come out the other end as friends.. So sad..I have cried loads in the car, talked with a couple of friends and parents, all trying to say the right things.. and they do.. but at the end of the day, I dont want to lose this guy from my life. Friends is fine..that will do! ugh! feels horrible and yet somewhere i know that I have been through this before. Feeling that I could not cope without that being in my life, not wanting to let go.. but of course, I moved on.. its natural! It doesnt make this any easier though... I feel sick.
Parents are worried, want me to go to doctors - dont feel thats the right road to take... come home, force myself to eat even though there is nothing in the cupboards really.. and write a huge list.. list of everything I need to do or would like to do... practical stuff like jobs as well as creative stuff... just getting it all down and that has helped.
Just now one of my clients just called.. I treated her earlier this week whilst she is staying in the holiday lodge.. She asked if I would show her how to meditate, de-stress and calm herself... I've never been asked that before..it touched me. Made me laugh internally as I am in such a mess right now myself, how I can teach someone else to cope with stuff... I admitted as much to her.. and said you know what, I didnt do my tai chi or meditation before going out today! But agreed to see her later on in the week to show her some techniques..seems right and it will help me too.
My head hurts and I feel empty..feel sick and tired. I do keep trying to focus on the downsides to that relationship, how it made me feel at the time, the things that really I tolerated which I shouldnt have, even focusing on the fact he cuddled the dog rather than me or allowing me to sleep on the couch.. makes me smile though.. for I forgive.. all is perfect.. and that doesnt help in what I am trying to acheive - detachment.
I keep coming back to the idea of setting up some women's group in my area..a support network, for women having relationship or dating issues as well as single women that feel they are alone or they dont want to go to their usual friends... maybe I ought to follow that one up? I have learned a lot over the last year, have experienced all sorts of stuff surrounding dating, internet dating, men who wont commit, communication issues etc..and have many 'tools'..but somehow I feel I havent got it right, so how I can share these... mmmmm... lets see how it unfolds.
if any of you know of any sister that you feel might benefit from linking up, connecting in someway, virtual or in person.. please pass my details on... this was one of the reasons for setting up this blog.. and I dont want it to become stagnant and just another diary! And let me have your reflections...
Parents are worried, want me to go to doctors - dont feel thats the right road to take... come home, force myself to eat even though there is nothing in the cupboards really.. and write a huge list.. list of everything I need to do or would like to do... practical stuff like jobs as well as creative stuff... just getting it all down and that has helped.
Just now one of my clients just called.. I treated her earlier this week whilst she is staying in the holiday lodge.. She asked if I would show her how to meditate, de-stress and calm herself... I've never been asked that before..it touched me. Made me laugh internally as I am in such a mess right now myself, how I can teach someone else to cope with stuff... I admitted as much to her.. and said you know what, I didnt do my tai chi or meditation before going out today! But agreed to see her later on in the week to show her some techniques..seems right and it will help me too.
My head hurts and I feel empty..feel sick and tired. I do keep trying to focus on the downsides to that relationship, how it made me feel at the time, the things that really I tolerated which I shouldnt have, even focusing on the fact he cuddled the dog rather than me or allowing me to sleep on the couch.. makes me smile though.. for I forgive.. all is perfect.. and that doesnt help in what I am trying to acheive - detachment.
I keep coming back to the idea of setting up some women's group in my area..a support network, for women having relationship or dating issues as well as single women that feel they are alone or they dont want to go to their usual friends... maybe I ought to follow that one up? I have learned a lot over the last year, have experienced all sorts of stuff surrounding dating, internet dating, men who wont commit, communication issues etc..and have many 'tools'..but somehow I feel I havent got it right, so how I can share these... mmmmm... lets see how it unfolds.
if any of you know of any sister that you feel might benefit from linking up, connecting in someway, virtual or in person.. please pass my details on... this was one of the reasons for setting up this blog.. and I dont want it to become stagnant and just another diary! And let me have your reflections...
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Gentleness.
Another brief entry..just been reading a beautiful sisters blog : The Journey of A Singing Woman who has just led a womens retreat in Holland.
She talks of a mother who had miscarried a child..she had closed her body, heart, voice and through the retreat opened up once more... This touched me deeply, soft tears for the three babies I have also lost...gentle greiving and a heart to heart recognition of another's grief.. Thank you my sisters..
A Journey of The Singing Woman
She talks of a mother who had miscarried a child..she had closed her body, heart, voice and through the retreat opened up once more... This touched me deeply, soft tears for the three babies I have also lost...gentle greiving and a heart to heart recognition of another's grief.. Thank you my sisters..
A Journey of The Singing Woman
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