Herbs, Steroids..exes!

Another crappy nights sleep - its been ages since I had a good nights sleep..  last night though, I had a temperature,headachy and thoughts of exes!  bah!

Taking some herbs prescribed to me by a herbalist...and then starting a weeks course of Steroids..couldnt stand the sstruggle to breathe and cope with no sleep any more.  feel a little disappointed in myself as I feel I ought to just go with the herbs and get through it..but...  the steroids are only for a week!

Met with the ex last night to give him Milo to look after for the weekend whilst I am away...bittersweet meeting.  Still as gorgeous to me as ever, I still love him!  Bloomin annoying - it would have been perfect to have not felt anything when I was with him..so hard!    Hes shifting loads, moving, going through lots of past death stuff..he needs to the journey on his own I see that.. 

So up early..going to pack my stuff, get ready for the drive down to Devon...  a weekend of loving, friends and foraging!  I'm going on a foraging course during my stay - cant wait!

Life is Short! Melancholy!

I've spent all morning dusting, hoovering, clearning, baking...feels good in my little cottage but cant help feeling just a little bit melancholy.  Swaying to some gentle music as I type this - quite frankly yearning for my lovers arms to be wrapped around me, swaying with me!

I watch as I dip into lonliness, sadness, yearning.. and then a shake...a shudder of my physical body.. to be fully here, now, present and alive!  I can close my eyes, right now.. and sink, sink into the depths of blackness..and can experience both bliss and despair..simultaneously it seems.

A friend is coming around for lunch and we going to a gig tonight - wonderful, and looking forward to it..but my mind comes in with 'this is the ex's fave band, his friend really, how will I feel tonight'   ...bah!  Tomorrow, a guy I recently met is treating me to a picnic somewhere - hes cooking some vegan food especially - I feel like a princess when I think about that... only thing is, he's not my beloved...

You see, black and white, darkness and light, positive and negative...sadness and happiness..illness and health.  All part of life, the divine plan..  wonderful really...human experience....

I promise I will remember!  

Surfing the Waves......

Just a quick entry before I go for a walk with the dogs into the woods..

I feel very clear and in the flow of life right now...  perfect description really:  Surfing the Waves...  as underneath my 'board', I can feel the waves of emotion, thoughts, feelings, excitement, fear, love, gratitude, etc and there 'I' am, riding them all like a surfer in the sea.... 

just flowing with wherever the currents of life wish to take me....

Exhilerating...