Just come back from a five day retreat in Devon...wonderful space re-connecting with The Form, soaking up the energy and yummy food! My body behaved itself in the main, the weather was good and everyone was so friendly and welcoming.
Milo had a good time with his dog sitters - even managed to find a new doggy girl-friend called Molly. Apparently they were so sweet together!
With all my bags in the lounge ready to unpack and put away, I listen to my messages and my GP had been trying to get hold of me regarding a letter. I open the post and there is a new letter from my London consultant - not great news! along with the diagnosis of RP, it seems I tested positive for Lupus and Coombs, have very high blood pressure and he suspects I may also have antiphospholipid syndrome and scleritis in my eyes. Ugh!
Luckily, I wasnt able to get straight onto the internet but I was in a tizz for a few hours.. I felt so fed up, tired from travelling and couldnt face putting all the stuff in my lounge away or eat. I didnt know what to do really - I really wanted to cry - but couldnt or wouldnt as I didnt want my throat to get irritated and my eyes get sore. Deep breathing, a few Form movements - didnt want to upset my parents who are the closest in distance to me - just wanted to hear what my GP had to say. He eventually 'phoned me back to discuss various appointments for tests and to tell me not to research any of these new things! He knows me well!
Too late though - wont do too much more until I see the specialist again but from I have read, these things could explain some of the mysterious illnesses. symptoms and miscarriages I have had over the years. That is a positive thing - I no longer feel I am going mad. At least now with 'labels', I feel I am believed more and I can now 'let go'... that feeling of taking a deep breath and dropping the tension in relief.
Back to the retreat - whilst before I was still feeling I had let myself down in someway, failed in having to have conventional treatment to feel better, over the space of the last few days and really listening to what a couple of people had to say, I am not beating myself up so much.
These things happen to us as human beings as part of the experience... for whatever reason - maybe some higher purpose. Accepting conventional therapy maybe part of that experience too - and maybe I need to see that ALL things are part of God/the creator/I/the one.... including pharmaceutical drugs - all part of the same. I know of spiritual teachers, enlightened teachers that have also had illness, taken drugs to help them...it is not a failure, just part of the experience.
So.... Namaste to life!
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