Another absence from blogging...been continuing to heal nicely..although had to up the medications under direction of the consultants! :(
Its been a couple of weeks of connections from the past coming forth, tidying up of loose ends that I was not aware of, forgiveness etc...
I discovered that I still had an old FB profile page that I no longer used..which meant that I was still connected to some people from my past that I am no longer in contact with. Lovely to see an old flame looking so gloriously happy in his new life...a lovely warm energy which showed me how far I have come since we split. Discovered some amazing photos of Milo that I didnt know existed too so downloaded them to disc..before finally deleting that old page.
After my trip to the consultant last week, I stayed with my friends at Transcendance...wonderful and nourishing as always. At the weekend, I intended to go to Glastonbury to explore, shop and attend a Crystal Bowl Group Session... however, before all that, I was told about a Mexican Healer named Maestro Constantino who was also going to be in Glastonbury the same day. well it was donation only and I had nothing to lose...
My friend and I turned up at the house...shown into a very hot room with a group of about 20 others. It was sweltering...we were so so hot. When Maestro came into the room, he was dressed in jumpers, hats, scarf, poncho..all you could see was his eyes. They had a lovely energy and he proceeded to work around the room with his healings... I wasnt so sure...with me, he just touched my heart and sat me down. After we were told that if we could not afford to pay a donation then we should go home and 'forgive' someone..I immediately thought of my ex partner...regardless of how I have felt dis hounoured..I can forgive.
We left and I felt really funny...needed food.... and went into a local cafe to eat...and who was there...yes, the ex partner, with new GF, and his two children- serendipity or what! The little girl came running up to me..and we hugged each other so tight...so wonderful to see her again. After courteous greetings, she came and sat with me whilst having lunch... the whole thing very surreal but lovely and it all felt perfect. I was left a bit cosmic-ed out though..very spacy and I had a real burning fire in my belly..rising up my body. Very faint..
Afterwards as originally planned, we went to the cyrstal bowl session...and I wasnt sure if I should stay, I felt so so weird. I couldnt work out if this was the mexican healing, the cafe experience or even the medications I had taken earlier that day....
Regardless, I stayed with it..within the first few minutes, the fire in my belly calmed..and I went into deep meditation. Wonderful experience...my body jerked a few times...and the final time, I felt a pain in my heart chakra...and then I opened my eyes. Everything was clearer, I felt calm, the fire in my belly had gone and I felt grounded. Thank you Jen Jen... I hope to hear your bowls again soon...x
On the way back to my friends house, I kept thinking of the little girl, young woman that I had connected with so deeply last year. I then thought of all the childrens' lives I had been blessed to be part of...whilst not having birthed myself, I was and am still 'mother'... deeply grateful for this experience.. I looked from the car window and we passed another car with the numberplate 'mum' on it.... hmmm! life is funny.. :)
Now....time of my moon...hibernating a little in my cocoon.. welcoming in the new..trying not to be so wary and cautious....much love I am receiving from life, from friends, from the masculine. Namaste.
x
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Tuesday, 17 April 2012
More healing....
Another Long absence from blogging.... Have been healing nicely
hopefully..building up my stamina and fitness slowly.
Still lots of stuff surrounding motherhood occurring. A little while ago an ex client of mine asked me if I would do some reflexology on her, to induce her labour. She was a little overdue and I had helped her in this way before. I was hesitant due to my fitness and energy levels but synchronicities kept happening between us as so I agrees to do it as a friend. I was intrigued as to whether I would be able to intuit the energy...And it was amazing.. I found that I could communicate directly with the baby, feel its spine and head..gently encouraging it to ease into the world. Beautiful experience.
And then I met an ex partner of mine and his girlfriend at the chalet we both still share. We initially bought the chalet after travelling in Europe and I fell pregnant and needed a base in the uk. It was all we could afford to live in and it was to be our family base. Sadly, I lost that baby, together with a handful of other souls whilst living there. To see him and his partner at the chalet, bringing in new energy into the space was bittersweet. Of course, it is wonderful, she is a beautiful, blossoming mother and when I hugged her and her bump, there was nothing but love and sisterhood between us..but then as we all sat looking at the river, talking...I couldn't help but notice a stirring within, of sadness and loss. It wasn’t until later that day, when I sent him an email, the emotions and grief surfaced and released. In my sharing of this in my email...whilst the sensitivity of it could Have been a source of separation, it has actually become a source of connection. Remarkable...and humbling.
In amongst the last couple of weeks, there has been little cocooning... I have been away, visiting friends, trying Out new things, new connections :), exploring ideas on healing, attending events and having friends stay with me. Seems very busy and It has been. Seems that life didn't want me to hibernate in my cocoon after all..even ejected me one night with flickering a light on and off whilst I was trying to sleep in there! Spooky Friday 13th Phenomena.
I have been inspired by watching the healing matrix movie, about quantum physics..the 'new' science that says that all disease and illness is caused by distortion in our energy field...and with intention, this can be transformed. Many doctors and scientists speaking of their particular modality...much impressive research. I do feel like I am On some sort of hamster wheel though... Haven’t I done that, been there? Got frustrated..and of course, that very Frustration is a negative emotion that can cause distortion! Aarrrrgghhh!
More surrender and acceptance....
In any case, I am researching each of the modalities’ it talks about, have written to the doctors and scientists Based in the uk.. Will see if any particular one draws me... I just know there is a key there somewhere..
Will feed back on this soon..
Namaste X
Still lots of stuff surrounding motherhood occurring. A little while ago an ex client of mine asked me if I would do some reflexology on her, to induce her labour. She was a little overdue and I had helped her in this way before. I was hesitant due to my fitness and energy levels but synchronicities kept happening between us as so I agrees to do it as a friend. I was intrigued as to whether I would be able to intuit the energy...And it was amazing.. I found that I could communicate directly with the baby, feel its spine and head..gently encouraging it to ease into the world. Beautiful experience.
And then I met an ex partner of mine and his girlfriend at the chalet we both still share. We initially bought the chalet after travelling in Europe and I fell pregnant and needed a base in the uk. It was all we could afford to live in and it was to be our family base. Sadly, I lost that baby, together with a handful of other souls whilst living there. To see him and his partner at the chalet, bringing in new energy into the space was bittersweet. Of course, it is wonderful, she is a beautiful, blossoming mother and when I hugged her and her bump, there was nothing but love and sisterhood between us..but then as we all sat looking at the river, talking...I couldn't help but notice a stirring within, of sadness and loss. It wasn’t until later that day, when I sent him an email, the emotions and grief surfaced and released. In my sharing of this in my email...whilst the sensitivity of it could Have been a source of separation, it has actually become a source of connection. Remarkable...and humbling.
In amongst the last couple of weeks, there has been little cocooning... I have been away, visiting friends, trying Out new things, new connections :), exploring ideas on healing, attending events and having friends stay with me. Seems very busy and It has been. Seems that life didn't want me to hibernate in my cocoon after all..even ejected me one night with flickering a light on and off whilst I was trying to sleep in there! Spooky Friday 13th Phenomena.
I have been inspired by watching the healing matrix movie, about quantum physics..the 'new' science that says that all disease and illness is caused by distortion in our energy field...and with intention, this can be transformed. Many doctors and scientists speaking of their particular modality...much impressive research. I do feel like I am On some sort of hamster wheel though... Haven’t I done that, been there? Got frustrated..and of course, that very Frustration is a negative emotion that can cause distortion! Aarrrrgghhh!
More surrender and acceptance....
In any case, I am researching each of the modalities’ it talks about, have written to the doctors and scientists Based in the uk.. Will see if any particular one draws me... I just know there is a key there somewhere..
Will feed back on this soon..
Namaste X
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Spring..Stages of Life!
Wow... what beautiful Spring weather.. I'm not one for the heat of the sun.. but this early spring has been amazing.. have been enjoying recuperating at my retreat and cottage, and enjoying the company of a girl friend and going to a concert/sound healing.
This week there have been many discussions about purpose of life, inspirations, positive attitudes and optimistic outlooks..
One in particular was with my doctor yesterday... he hadnt seen me for a while and was interested in the surgery etc and asked how I was coping with such a 'rare illness'...he made the sympathetic sounds and showed concern... saying it must be really hard to face all this, especially without a partner..who was I talking about stuff with etc... Phew! I sat there..and thought it was quite funny really... I had been really positive and optimistic about things but appreciated his interest and care. I told him how I saw things, that I had many friends and family that love and support me and about the RP forum, where the relatively few of us with this, can share information and support each other. I acknowledged that I sometimes did dip but generally I thought that there were much worse things to have in terms of illness...such as paralysis, a stroke, cancer etc. He seemed generally pleased that I was so positive.
All good....and then today!
I went again to the doctors to have a routine blood test..laughing at myself for stupidly wearing white today! All was fine and then this really old lady slowly came in the waiting room....she was so fragile and weak...with two helpers with her. And yet, she had such determination to get to the seat she chose...amazing inner determination. I ear-wigged on her conversation and felt such love for this wise, old woman. She was talking about her new accommodation.. her window outlook etc...
Then came in several pregnant ladies... all at various stages. There must have been a clinic on... each one smiling, happy..if a little flustered in the heat. One brought in a baby in her carry cot...every one oohed and arrred over the cradle. Then a 'busy' mum came in with 4 little girls...all absolutely beautiful from between 3 and 6... All had long wavy, blondish hair and various dresses, caps and little shoes. One was called Holly, another Meadow! What a wonderful name! Delightful to watch them all playing...wanting the loo, but playing amongst themselves. They were exactly how I pictured my little girl(s) would look like.,,when i was younger.
I sat there and saw the various stages of life in front of me...and somewhere out of the depth, I burst into tears! I had no warning...but the tears flowed! I gulped them down as best as I could..luckily some music was playing and i was at the back but still..it was noticed. i tried to read posters on the wall, leaflets on the rack..Lots of thoughts came and went...right from wondering if I would reach old age, if so, who would escort me to the doctors, where would I live....then looking at the pregnant ladies..seemingly i would never experience how it is to be fully pregnant in this lifetime...not experience child birth. Tears kept on coming!
Luckily the nurse called me very soon...I just about made it to her room when the next flow came...I just stood with my head in hands and sobbed..with her calling me sweetheart, touching my arm...showing such concern. I reassured her I was ok about the blood test...and shared what had over-whelmed me. Phew!
The nurse not knowing me that well, said about not too late, adoption etc etc... and I had to tell her about my medications which would prevent me trying, my miscarriages in the past, and that realistically was I even fit enough! I also acknowledged that I am blessed that I have cared for children in my life time and that I have been able to experience so many things because I didnt have children..like travel the world etc.
As quickly as it arose...once i had spoken it to the nurse..it all subsided! Amazing emotion running through though for those few minutes... another clearing and I am sure some more still to do on that subject.
The needle hurt today...I must have been ultra sensitive too!
Big sigh...but all good...
Namaste
X
This week there have been many discussions about purpose of life, inspirations, positive attitudes and optimistic outlooks..
One in particular was with my doctor yesterday... he hadnt seen me for a while and was interested in the surgery etc and asked how I was coping with such a 'rare illness'...he made the sympathetic sounds and showed concern... saying it must be really hard to face all this, especially without a partner..who was I talking about stuff with etc... Phew! I sat there..and thought it was quite funny really... I had been really positive and optimistic about things but appreciated his interest and care. I told him how I saw things, that I had many friends and family that love and support me and about the RP forum, where the relatively few of us with this, can share information and support each other. I acknowledged that I sometimes did dip but generally I thought that there were much worse things to have in terms of illness...such as paralysis, a stroke, cancer etc. He seemed generally pleased that I was so positive.
All good....and then today!
I went again to the doctors to have a routine blood test..laughing at myself for stupidly wearing white today! All was fine and then this really old lady slowly came in the waiting room....she was so fragile and weak...with two helpers with her. And yet, she had such determination to get to the seat she chose...amazing inner determination. I ear-wigged on her conversation and felt such love for this wise, old woman. She was talking about her new accommodation.. her window outlook etc...
Then came in several pregnant ladies... all at various stages. There must have been a clinic on... each one smiling, happy..if a little flustered in the heat. One brought in a baby in her carry cot...every one oohed and arrred over the cradle. Then a 'busy' mum came in with 4 little girls...all absolutely beautiful from between 3 and 6... All had long wavy, blondish hair and various dresses, caps and little shoes. One was called Holly, another Meadow! What a wonderful name! Delightful to watch them all playing...wanting the loo, but playing amongst themselves. They were exactly how I pictured my little girl(s) would look like.,,when i was younger.
I sat there and saw the various stages of life in front of me...and somewhere out of the depth, I burst into tears! I had no warning...but the tears flowed! I gulped them down as best as I could..luckily some music was playing and i was at the back but still..it was noticed. i tried to read posters on the wall, leaflets on the rack..Lots of thoughts came and went...right from wondering if I would reach old age, if so, who would escort me to the doctors, where would I live....then looking at the pregnant ladies..seemingly i would never experience how it is to be fully pregnant in this lifetime...not experience child birth. Tears kept on coming!
Luckily the nurse called me very soon...I just about made it to her room when the next flow came...I just stood with my head in hands and sobbed..with her calling me sweetheart, touching my arm...showing such concern. I reassured her I was ok about the blood test...and shared what had over-whelmed me. Phew!
The nurse not knowing me that well, said about not too late, adoption etc etc... and I had to tell her about my medications which would prevent me trying, my miscarriages in the past, and that realistically was I even fit enough! I also acknowledged that I am blessed that I have cared for children in my life time and that I have been able to experience so many things because I didnt have children..like travel the world etc.
As quickly as it arose...once i had spoken it to the nurse..it all subsided! Amazing emotion running through though for those few minutes... another clearing and I am sure some more still to do on that subject.
The needle hurt today...I must have been ultra sensitive too!
Big sigh...but all good...
Namaste
X
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