Lunar Eclipse..Full Moon energies...

Been ages since I last wrote anything..not sure why really..

However, today, woke up feeling dizzy and sick, grouchy, hot and exhausted!  So spending the day in bed thus far!  Vertigo, virus, full moon, eclipse energy, humidity outside, pmt..all could be reasons but it doesn't really matter - welcoming being able to languish in bed, sleep on and off and be looked after.   

Feels like my body is transforming the cosmic energies, many of my sisters are feeling similar things and now I have started to spot bleed, feels like over the next few days, I will be releasing.

So.. allowing and relishing this lovely big bed, some new books to read and maybe even a dvd or two!

XX

Sparkling Wellington Boot's Therapy!

Again, been a while since my last blog...lots of shifts and turns, ups and downs along the way.  

My body continues to be a medical enigma - another consultant signing me away with inconclusive possibilities, no clear cut path to follow.  Once again, stopped all medication that I've been trying for the last few weeks as there was no significant change and many unwanted side effects..feeling much clearer now they are getting out of my system. 

Awaiting my next bleed - already the pain has started, days earlier than scheduled..which today has left me listless, tired, not motivated..just wanting to curl up with the dog really.  However, I've just forced myself up the hill with Milo, putting on my new sparkly wellies for the first time!  What therapy!    Seeing them sparkle in the odd bit of sunray...through the wet grass.. made me smile!   Bliss...

Collected some nettles for some tea on the way back which I am sipping now as I type...

Thank goodness for sparkly wellies!

XX

Wonderful Lyrics by Dido - This Land is Mine

"From behind these walls I hear your song
Oh, sweet words
The music that you play lights up my world
The sweetest that I’ve heard
Could it be that I’ve been touched and turned
Oh Lord, please finally…finally things are changing

This land is mine but I’ll let you rule
I let you navigate and demand
Just as long as you know…this land is mine
So find your home and settle in
Ohhh, I’m ready to let you in
Just as long as we know…this land is mine

After all the battles and the wars
The scars and loss
I’m still the queen of my domain
and feeling stronger now
The walls are down a little more each day
Since you came, finally…finally things are changing
Follow the days I’ve travelled alone
In this cold and colorless place till now
It’s what I had to pay

This land is mine and I let you rule
I let you navigate on demand
Just as long as you know…this land is mine"

 
ahhhh...  XX

A Journey of Awakening Woman: Ever learning..growing.. Relationships!

A Journey of Awakening Woman: Ever learning..growing.. Relationships!: "I haven't written for ages again..been enjoying loving, resting, gently working and playing..interweaved with a couple of bouts of health st..."

Ever learning..growing.. Relationships!

I haven't written for ages again..been enjoying loving, resting, gently working and playing..interweaved with a couple of bouts of health stuff.


Visits to new places, sights and introduced to some new stone circles in Cumbria and the Lake District..wonderful meetings albeit with rashes and ears flaring up! Interestingly though, my breathing was better in the mountain air and got worse again as we headed down the M5 home…. Could this mean I have to move to a place away from arable/crop farmland? Who knows!

A thoughtful week for me..relationship hasn’t been this ‘straightforward’ or easy for a long long time..and I’m not used to it! At what point did I become addicted to the roller coaster ride, the ups and downs, of being with someone that is unsure, coming and going, dangling a carrot, hope, then cutting it… Ugh! When did I begin to be comfortable with that feeling of seeming ‘love’, excitement then utter despair and insecurity in the next moment. What made me undervalue myself so much to accept nothing less than what I deserve? I shake my head..at myself!

I have a man in my life that is adoring me, honouring me, wooing me and respecting me…loving me with ease, no expectations, no drama, no carrots..its all there…on the table for me! Yet, I hesitate, this is not what I am used to.. I find myself looking for ‘that’ familiar feeling inside, the chase, the unattainable, the excitement of the ups and downs, insecurity, being overwhelmed, bamboozled and also that comfortable ‘aloneness’… ugh again!

I watch all of this going on..my mind very clever bringing up my past, emotions and memories..trying to claw me away from the present..and the future. I talk silently to my self..seeing the truth, knowing not to trust these ‘feelings’…they are not real – an illusion.

The feelings of ‘attraction’ are completely different, less highs and lows, no roller coaster or drama and there is passion and desire. This man seems firmly rooted and committed to me… I trust that I am where I am meant to be…all perfect.

I read this paragraph today:

“I am the common denominator in this soap opera called life! In the past, I’d know I felt bad by the flutters in my stomach, the anxiety, discomfort, the vague ambiguous feeling, and the familiarity that comes with catering to a pattern…and I’d ignore it. This could only mean I’d continue to make poor choices and create more pain for myself” (baggagereclaim.co.uk)

I choose a healthy man, a healthy relationship – I intend to enjoy every moment and see how it all unfolds…

Namaste.

Wood's reunion..wild garlic..applemint and nettles!

ahhhh.... beautiful sunshine, blue skies, just about right temperature for me!  My body is going through something right now..not a pretty sight..blotchy, puffy, achey...lethargic..listless!  Ugh!  Maybe a down after the high of steroids, maybe full moon, maybe pollen..maybe allergic to Wiltshire!  who knows... just ugh!

However...made myself go into the woods, to re-connect with the trees, mother earth..it seems a long time.  Having been away on and off, not feeling so strong at times, lambs everywhere so difficult with Milo..excuses..excuses..   

Reconnecting was wonderful, leaning against the Mother tree feeling her energy up my spine, breathing in spring air..bliss.   Dipping into the stream, touching leaves and wild flowers.  Also collected lots of wild garlic for tea, nettles for my tonic and some applemint for a lovely drink - which I am now sipping!

ahhhh!

Namaste!
X

Bee Energy....powerful signs..dead birds..reunions!

Came back from a wonderful week away to find a load of bees in my bedroom...some were flying, many were just crawling around near the window, on the bedding, the floor everywhere..  a surprise to say the least and slightly alarming!

Having just picked up a friend that was staying with me, I didnt know what to do.. I felt myself get stressed, worked up..panicky but overall I knew it would be fine - I had other options of places to stay.  It was almost looking down at someone else panicking and yet I couldnt change it.  I couldnt make any decisions about what to do..I just wanted someone else to tell me what to do, where to go..  In the middle of getting landlord help, neighbours, friends, bee keeper, pest control, even advice from the 'census collector' - I spotted that there was a dead sparrow in front of my car.  I hadnt hit it, my car had been parked there all week!  Ugh... so many symbols and signs maybe?

When animal messengers want to get our attention, they arrive in large nunbers - looking up bee energy, they are a sign of passion, progress, feritility and sexuality!  In my bedroom - of course!  :)    The dead bird?  not so good maybe - a sign of coming disappointments, worry!  :(      A shamanic friend foretells that it is a sign to move on, out of this cottage to pastures new....  hmmmm...  

Then yesterday, we spotted that a lamb had got it self caught on a wire fence after visiting the chickens it appears - it was stangling itself.. it must have been there most of the day, it was so cold to the touch.   It took three of us to release it, gradually slackening off each wire, net from its throat - you could hear and feel it gulp with relief.   It soon bounded off to his mum though - much needing some milk and warmth.


The bees?  Cutting a long story short, the bees turned out to be masonry bees that dont sting and they eventually moved on - my friend and I stayed in the b&b next door whilst the bees, took their time in relocating!     Lots of bee jokes coming forth on my facebook page!

Lovely having my best friend from school here to stay - she flew from Scotland for a visit and for us to go to a school reunion.  After the bee episode, we werent too sure we felt like going..but we did.  It was interesting..looking at peoples faces to see if you recognised anyone.. people examining us too... funny!  It was good although not too many from our school year so a little disappointing!

Saying goodbye to her today was hard.. sad.. Although we only keep in touch by phone occasionally, it was just like old times being together again.. would love to have her in my life more.

Spring sunshine abound...clear blue skies... jumping and noise lambs and their mums...

awaiting my love to come home, to reconnect after a few days absence...  Namaste.