Wednesday, 7 August 2013
A Journey of Woman: Wow....that was one of the most profound retreats ...
A Journey of Woman: Wow....that was one of the most profound retreats ...: Wow....that was one of the most profound retreats I have been on held by Bernie Prior. I wrote a blog every day whilst I was away..but didn...
Wow....that was one of the most profound retreats I have been on held by Bernie Prior. I wrote a blog every day whilst I was away..but didnt
publish them. Having just reviewed them, if I published them now, it
would be well over twenty pages...so here is a short(ish) sharing.
I was blessed to receive an opening, a 'download' every day. Each day, it would drop through, integrate through my physical body and I would then hear a voice saying 'more...ready for the next'.. It was the same voice or call that I heard to go to Tuscany in the first place..it came from somewhere deep within, not Lisa's voice.
For the first few days I found myself readjusting to seemingly returning to something...but being new. I didn't quite know where I fitted it...but also loved the fact I was almost anonymous, hardly anyone 'knew' me.
There were many profound openings...and I was enthralled at watching the energy of being, of transformation circulate above the people in satsang...watching it drop into a body before the person realised it...watching them literally transform in front of me. It was magical... Why did I ever stop coming...this is what inspires me...this is what I must do...I love watching the movement of transformation..I am passionate about how humanity can transform and evolve...
I re dedicated my life to that, of service to this. Sat with my teacher, master once more..but in a different place..a new place. I drank in consciousness with a passion and delighted in the depths. No more distraction of man, health, my personal life...I am here to live a profound meaningful life.
One of the pinnacle moments came when we visited Assisi and the St Francis hermitage. I went in innocence, not really knowing the story of st Francis, apart from the fact it was an important place to Bernie. Pretty much as soon as I stepped onto the coach, tears began..not knowing why they came...just that something vast was opening. I received a message on my phone and I was curious...I listened to an unknown caller shout 'Rama, Rama, Rama'....bizarre. (i just looked up the story of lord Rama. Rama is revered for his unending compassion, courage and devotion to religious values and duty - so fitting!)
The tears continued to flow as we as a group walked in silence up the path... I noticed the trees shapes, roots exposed and touched them as I passed. We reached the buildings of the hermitage..ducked through the stone doorways..and people were congregating in each room. I am not one for religious buildings so I passed by quickly. I did spot that one room had a red peace Lilly in it...the same plant as in my meditation room at home. (I later found out that this 'room' was in fact the cave where st Francis meditated)
I, however was drawn to the trees that edged the upper path. I came across a statue of St Francis lying on the ground. A huge energy went through my body,and I knelt down at his feet...touched them with love and reverence. I closed my eyes and saw how I had once knelt down and kissed the feet of my teacher, master in satsang, many years previously. They were one and the same master..how could I ever have left the masters feet? I cried knowing that from that moment, I had re dedicated my life to serve love, truth and humanity.
I carried on along the path with reverence and felt such grace. I came across a group of nuns receiving a sermon from a Franciscan priest...as I approached I heard these words:
"however you serve life, do it with your whole being and in joy"
I received these words and their frequency deeply and I sat down, overlooking them in the clearing..listening..
Every word he said was received into my body...and I couldn't stop the tears. The nuns noticed me, looked up at me and smiled..no one said anything directly to me. I looked at the nuns...various ages and faces..devoting themselves to god. I also felt like a nun...in devotion to love and truth and the serving of that.
"See god in all, see god in everything". "Whatever you do in life, even if it's washing up...do it wholly and completely...with joy".
Everything he said was what Bernie had been speaking about..and what I knew to be true. I could no longer mess around, I had to serve this...I knew that even though I had thought I had given over my life to that...that now the whole was required..there was so much more to give. No more personal life..no more playing in the body, mind field of experience.
The sermon was finishing, the nuns were putting away their notepads...I stood up and one of them noticed me. I touched my heart in gratitude for having been part of their lesson. She said something to one of the priests.. He looked up at me and said, something to the group. Everyone was laughing and I laughed too but the tears of gratitude would not stop. I touched my lips, them my heart to express my gratitude once again.
Two of my friends came up to greet me.. The priest called up to ask if he could take a picture.. The one who had been giving the teaching called up..look..she is already wearing the dress. (I was wearing a long green dress) ...St Francis practical he announced. Everyone laughed...I took his words right into my heart..I was to live what I had heard in a practical way..day by day..moment to moment. I cried and laughed at the same time, put my shawl over my head.. They took a picture.
My friends held me as I walked away, feeling so blessed and humbled. We rejoined our main group..and I could not really speak..I was in reverence to what I had received. Bernie sat with us...he knew.. I touched his feet and said..I once prostrated to you in satsang...as I did today with st Francis..how could I ever have left. He said..you had to leave to come back deeper. Profound.
Later as I walked around the town of Assisi. I happened upon another statue of st Francis...he was standing beside a woman, holding her hand. It stopped me in my tracks and drew me closer...so a woman, SHE stood by this man, who was she? As I stood there...a few hands touched my back ..I turned round, and the same group of nuns from earlier were stood around me..chattering to me Italian. More tears, more touching of my heart to express my gratitude to them...so blessed. I later found out that the statue was of a woman known as st Clare..who gave up her personal life to work alongside st Francis..and he was the first to bring in a woman to lead a group of nuns...
The power of the transmission of that day went in so deep...I was only just about able to function... I barely ate and even my favourite food, pizza was barely tasted. Profundity indeed!
There was a satsang with Bernie that evening and this is what took place..I sat on the floor, sinking deeper and deeper...I no longer had any edges...when I tried to focus on an edge, my skin, another body, table...it blurred and disintegrated and I moved through it..and yet could see from all aspects...when someone spoke, it took me eons to orientate where the voice was originating from. My physical body was vibrating, I felt cold but burning a fire inside.
Bernie asked us to hold hands with our neighbour...I couldn't move...a millimetre felt like a thousand miles..when someone touched my hand...I didnt feel it as a separate hand...I was the seeming other.. no boundary existed. I breathed deep, and heard that voice calling for the next..more...a part of my self laughed...my god, this is never ending.
I was somehow aware that at the end of the satsang, forms were moving out of the room...I called for Bernie from within..he didnt come to me. So just breathed deep, and sank into this amazing expansiveness.
I was above my body, I was all..everything, every form...I could move outside of the room, I could listen in on conversations, energetically take part, move so freely and yet my physical body was stuck to the meditation stool. My body I knew needed water..and I saw water..I called for someone to bring me water...but that was, absurd...as I then became the water itself.. Everything was vibrating...one huge heart beat....and yet in the background a high pitch frequency...
I heard that voice again.
"..I am that. All Is in my self. The one self. Nothing is solid. I am that...all move within me, the container and I am that container.. Nothing and yet everything... Never ending."
I tried to move my physical body but it was not easy...it took tremendous energy to lift a finger. Eventually I was able to sit up, in the darkness I scribbled on my notepad the words I had heard/spoken. There were no words and yet with conscious reflection, I have been able to write more than than there is space here..truly vast.
Sometime in the night my roommate discovered I was not in bed..and came for me. I felt like a child..having to relearn everything about the physical body. She helped me back to the room..I am so grateful to my sister for caring for me that night.
I was completely changed....nothing was the same to me. Every cell had been changed.. My sisters ensured I was ok, that I ate a little and I gently integrated back to feeling something of my physical body. That voice though continued to ask for more...I was astonished at the vastness of it...in my heart share group all I could say was...you have no idea...this is vast...it really is never ending. Laughing at the cosmic joke..it changed my understanding of everything..absolutely everything.
My life is now given.. I will only serve that. Humanity needs to wake up, I have to take responsibility and serve life...inspired to facilitate transformation.
I have been asked to share through words, speaking from my heart in a real way... it is something that the ego self has resisted and I am now committed to speaking from the higher woman, SHE. Lisa has cried with the enormity and laughed at the simplicity of it...
I envisioned completing the book I have started...of this woman's journey through near death, meeting her teacher, master, lover, living of that. Of the realisations through the practice of The Form...so right now that is my focus.
So many realisations and growth following that night that I have no space on this blog for...realisation of how the ego self still tries its play..how seemingly others move and yet they are me, within me..such a matrix, a knowing from the depth of the higher woman and how SHE must share that regardless of how Lisa might resist.
Such grace..Truly blessed. But none of this is mine...it's whole purpose is to evolve humanity..for all.
This blog is changing..will change.. I am changed. When I look back at some of my previous writings, I see a much deeper understanding...when I hear Bernie speak, I am hearing from a vaster knowing. I can hardly keep up with what is unfolding...
Namaste
Lissy.x
ps.. a couple of pics for you..
Follow this link to find out more about Bernie Prior retreats.
.JPG)
I was blessed to receive an opening, a 'download' every day. Each day, it would drop through, integrate through my physical body and I would then hear a voice saying 'more...ready for the next'.. It was the same voice or call that I heard to go to Tuscany in the first place..it came from somewhere deep within, not Lisa's voice.
For the first few days I found myself readjusting to seemingly returning to something...but being new. I didn't quite know where I fitted it...but also loved the fact I was almost anonymous, hardly anyone 'knew' me.
There were many profound openings...and I was enthralled at watching the energy of being, of transformation circulate above the people in satsang...watching it drop into a body before the person realised it...watching them literally transform in front of me. It was magical... Why did I ever stop coming...this is what inspires me...this is what I must do...I love watching the movement of transformation..I am passionate about how humanity can transform and evolve...
I re dedicated my life to that, of service to this. Sat with my teacher, master once more..but in a different place..a new place. I drank in consciousness with a passion and delighted in the depths. No more distraction of man, health, my personal life...I am here to live a profound meaningful life.
One of the pinnacle moments came when we visited Assisi and the St Francis hermitage. I went in innocence, not really knowing the story of st Francis, apart from the fact it was an important place to Bernie. Pretty much as soon as I stepped onto the coach, tears began..not knowing why they came...just that something vast was opening. I received a message on my phone and I was curious...I listened to an unknown caller shout 'Rama, Rama, Rama'....bizarre. (i just looked up the story of lord Rama. Rama is revered for his unending compassion, courage and devotion to religious values and duty - so fitting!)
The tears continued to flow as we as a group walked in silence up the path... I noticed the trees shapes, roots exposed and touched them as I passed. We reached the buildings of the hermitage..ducked through the stone doorways..and people were congregating in each room. I am not one for religious buildings so I passed by quickly. I did spot that one room had a red peace Lilly in it...the same plant as in my meditation room at home. (I later found out that this 'room' was in fact the cave where st Francis meditated)
I, however was drawn to the trees that edged the upper path. I came across a statue of St Francis lying on the ground. A huge energy went through my body,and I knelt down at his feet...touched them with love and reverence. I closed my eyes and saw how I had once knelt down and kissed the feet of my teacher, master in satsang, many years previously. They were one and the same master..how could I ever have left the masters feet? I cried knowing that from that moment, I had re dedicated my life to serve love, truth and humanity.
I carried on along the path with reverence and felt such grace. I came across a group of nuns receiving a sermon from a Franciscan priest...as I approached I heard these words:
"however you serve life, do it with your whole being and in joy"
I received these words and their frequency deeply and I sat down, overlooking them in the clearing..listening..
Every word he said was received into my body...and I couldn't stop the tears. The nuns noticed me, looked up at me and smiled..no one said anything directly to me. I looked at the nuns...various ages and faces..devoting themselves to god. I also felt like a nun...in devotion to love and truth and the serving of that.
"See god in all, see god in everything". "Whatever you do in life, even if it's washing up...do it wholly and completely...with joy".
Everything he said was what Bernie had been speaking about..and what I knew to be true. I could no longer mess around, I had to serve this...I knew that even though I had thought I had given over my life to that...that now the whole was required..there was so much more to give. No more personal life..no more playing in the body, mind field of experience.
The sermon was finishing, the nuns were putting away their notepads...I stood up and one of them noticed me. I touched my heart in gratitude for having been part of their lesson. She said something to one of the priests.. He looked up at me and said, something to the group. Everyone was laughing and I laughed too but the tears of gratitude would not stop. I touched my lips, them my heart to express my gratitude once again.
Two of my friends came up to greet me.. The priest called up to ask if he could take a picture.. The one who had been giving the teaching called up..look..she is already wearing the dress. (I was wearing a long green dress) ...St Francis practical he announced. Everyone laughed...I took his words right into my heart..I was to live what I had heard in a practical way..day by day..moment to moment. I cried and laughed at the same time, put my shawl over my head.. They took a picture.
My friends held me as I walked away, feeling so blessed and humbled. We rejoined our main group..and I could not really speak..I was in reverence to what I had received. Bernie sat with us...he knew.. I touched his feet and said..I once prostrated to you in satsang...as I did today with st Francis..how could I ever have left. He said..you had to leave to come back deeper. Profound.
Later as I walked around the town of Assisi. I happened upon another statue of st Francis...he was standing beside a woman, holding her hand. It stopped me in my tracks and drew me closer...so a woman, SHE stood by this man, who was she? As I stood there...a few hands touched my back ..I turned round, and the same group of nuns from earlier were stood around me..chattering to me Italian. More tears, more touching of my heart to express my gratitude to them...so blessed. I later found out that the statue was of a woman known as st Clare..who gave up her personal life to work alongside st Francis..and he was the first to bring in a woman to lead a group of nuns...
The power of the transmission of that day went in so deep...I was only just about able to function... I barely ate and even my favourite food, pizza was barely tasted. Profundity indeed!
There was a satsang with Bernie that evening and this is what took place..I sat on the floor, sinking deeper and deeper...I no longer had any edges...when I tried to focus on an edge, my skin, another body, table...it blurred and disintegrated and I moved through it..and yet could see from all aspects...when someone spoke, it took me eons to orientate where the voice was originating from. My physical body was vibrating, I felt cold but burning a fire inside.
Bernie asked us to hold hands with our neighbour...I couldn't move...a millimetre felt like a thousand miles..when someone touched my hand...I didnt feel it as a separate hand...I was the seeming other.. no boundary existed. I breathed deep, and heard that voice calling for the next..more...a part of my self laughed...my god, this is never ending.
I was somehow aware that at the end of the satsang, forms were moving out of the room...I called for Bernie from within..he didnt come to me. So just breathed deep, and sank into this amazing expansiveness.
I was above my body, I was all..everything, every form...I could move outside of the room, I could listen in on conversations, energetically take part, move so freely and yet my physical body was stuck to the meditation stool. My body I knew needed water..and I saw water..I called for someone to bring me water...but that was, absurd...as I then became the water itself.. Everything was vibrating...one huge heart beat....and yet in the background a high pitch frequency...
I heard that voice again.
"..I am that. All Is in my self. The one self. Nothing is solid. I am that...all move within me, the container and I am that container.. Nothing and yet everything... Never ending."
I tried to move my physical body but it was not easy...it took tremendous energy to lift a finger. Eventually I was able to sit up, in the darkness I scribbled on my notepad the words I had heard/spoken. There were no words and yet with conscious reflection, I have been able to write more than than there is space here..truly vast.
Sometime in the night my roommate discovered I was not in bed..and came for me. I felt like a child..having to relearn everything about the physical body. She helped me back to the room..I am so grateful to my sister for caring for me that night.
I was completely changed....nothing was the same to me. Every cell had been changed.. My sisters ensured I was ok, that I ate a little and I gently integrated back to feeling something of my physical body. That voice though continued to ask for more...I was astonished at the vastness of it...in my heart share group all I could say was...you have no idea...this is vast...it really is never ending. Laughing at the cosmic joke..it changed my understanding of everything..absolutely everything.
My life is now given.. I will only serve that. Humanity needs to wake up, I have to take responsibility and serve life...inspired to facilitate transformation.
I have been asked to share through words, speaking from my heart in a real way... it is something that the ego self has resisted and I am now committed to speaking from the higher woman, SHE. Lisa has cried with the enormity and laughed at the simplicity of it...
I envisioned completing the book I have started...of this woman's journey through near death, meeting her teacher, master, lover, living of that. Of the realisations through the practice of The Form...so right now that is my focus.
So many realisations and growth following that night that I have no space on this blog for...realisation of how the ego self still tries its play..how seemingly others move and yet they are me, within me..such a matrix, a knowing from the depth of the higher woman and how SHE must share that regardless of how Lisa might resist.
Such grace..Truly blessed. But none of this is mine...it's whole purpose is to evolve humanity..for all.
This blog is changing..will change.. I am changed. When I look back at some of my previous writings, I see a much deeper understanding...when I hear Bernie speak, I am hearing from a vaster knowing. I can hardly keep up with what is unfolding...
Namaste
Lissy.x
ps.. a couple of pics for you..
Follow this link to find out more about Bernie Prior retreats.
.JPG)
Friday, 21 June 2013
Midsummers Day...Solstice blessings...
Seventeen years ago
tomorrow was my wedding day...when my partner of ten years and I exchanged vows and promised 'in
sickness and in health'...together forever.... The marriage didn't last..everything changed when I nearly
died..I had woken up..it was the death of the self..a knowing that I was not the body/mind......within eighteen months, the marriage was over...it was a conscious death.
From there, I devoted myself to a spiritual life...committed to living in love and truth, from the heart...met a spiritual master and began a very different way of life, surrendering my wants, needs..'my life'..a choiceless choice..amazing. That too transitioned...moving to begin living in the world as an ordinary human but in an extra ordinary way..
Exactly a year ago, a man claimed me...we exchanged some powerful statements and commitments... To love each other completely, utterley and without reservation. They felt like vows..they sounded like vows...truly meant in that moment. We were both shocked by the power we experienced..it was an energetic bond. That too has transitioned with much sadness ...but a knowing that what is meant to be is. really there is no separation from love...all is perfect!
Today, Midsummers Day, Solstice.. .half way through the year, time to pause and reflect, with appreciation and to cut ties and sever those hidden energetic cords. The past must be accepted and surrendered so that the new can come in.
Black Moon Lilith came in last week...I dont know much about astrology so if any of this is inaccurate, please forgive me...but I understand Lilith represents the repressed feminine in both genders. The angry goddess..declaring her right to 'feel'. Its a time to express these...but with love...not to suppress them. She came in last week and I have certainly been feeling the emotions and feelings of the 'repressed feminine' coming through my body. For the masculine around me, he has certainly been getting the brunt of this when he has been with me...its been a long time since I have felt such rage, snappiness, impatience....every time it came through..it shook me how venomous this woman could be. Thankfully, the masculine has not taken it too personally and stood by with patience and unconditional love. These emotions have softened in the last couple of days..I have nurtured myself, honoured myself, as I began an early moon time... but Lilith is around for quite a while yet.
Getting ready for the 'super' full moon on Sunday..looking forward to watching her rise over the hills. Ready to revitalise and re energise... beginning the second phase of 2013..I feel great trepidation. It would be wonderful to have clear skies...but She will be felt in any case.
Much to unfold over the next week or so.... heart felt callings to retreat have been heard, my operation is likely to be cancelled/postponed - the doctors and I are just going through the motions for a while longer, possibilities have been acknowledged...now it is all in the universe and I will see what manifests...
Namaste.x
PS! as I publish this blog..guess what comes up on my Itunes Shuffle - the song we played for our dance at our wedding! Still sounds good...embarrassingly! do I tell you what it was? I will whisper: "Because you loved me" by Celine Dion)
From there, I devoted myself to a spiritual life...committed to living in love and truth, from the heart...met a spiritual master and began a very different way of life, surrendering my wants, needs..'my life'..a choiceless choice..amazing. That too transitioned...moving to begin living in the world as an ordinary human but in an extra ordinary way..
Exactly a year ago, a man claimed me...we exchanged some powerful statements and commitments... To love each other completely, utterley and without reservation. They felt like vows..they sounded like vows...truly meant in that moment. We were both shocked by the power we experienced..it was an energetic bond. That too has transitioned with much sadness ...but a knowing that what is meant to be is. really there is no separation from love...all is perfect!
Today, Midsummers Day, Solstice.. .half way through the year, time to pause and reflect, with appreciation and to cut ties and sever those hidden energetic cords. The past must be accepted and surrendered so that the new can come in.
Black Moon Lilith came in last week...I dont know much about astrology so if any of this is inaccurate, please forgive me...but I understand Lilith represents the repressed feminine in both genders. The angry goddess..declaring her right to 'feel'. Its a time to express these...but with love...not to suppress them. She came in last week and I have certainly been feeling the emotions and feelings of the 'repressed feminine' coming through my body. For the masculine around me, he has certainly been getting the brunt of this when he has been with me...its been a long time since I have felt such rage, snappiness, impatience....every time it came through..it shook me how venomous this woman could be. Thankfully, the masculine has not taken it too personally and stood by with patience and unconditional love. These emotions have softened in the last couple of days..I have nurtured myself, honoured myself, as I began an early moon time... but Lilith is around for quite a while yet.
Getting ready for the 'super' full moon on Sunday..looking forward to watching her rise over the hills. Ready to revitalise and re energise... beginning the second phase of 2013..I feel great trepidation. It would be wonderful to have clear skies...but She will be felt in any case.
Much to unfold over the next week or so.... heart felt callings to retreat have been heard, my operation is likely to be cancelled/postponed - the doctors and I are just going through the motions for a while longer, possibilities have been acknowledged...now it is all in the universe and I will see what manifests...
Namaste.x
"Great love takes no
prisoners. Die to its expansive ferocity, or die within your resistance.
Let love's embrace burn you whole, or become karmic ash in love's
cosmic kiln. Resistance is fertile- when the heart door opens, jump on
in..." (Jeff Brown)
"There is a death in great love...whether it comes from within or from 'an other'.." (Bernie Prior)
PS! as I publish this blog..guess what comes up on my Itunes Shuffle - the song we played for our dance at our wedding! Still sounds good...embarrassingly! do I tell you what it was? I will whisper: "Because you loved me" by Celine Dion)
"I am everything I am because you loved me..."
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
A month flown by! Mayfly visits...
Wow...over a month since I last wrote a blog!
There has been much going on, moving and transforming..
Healthwise...my operation has been delayed and there is to be yet another discussion this week to see if I really need another date set.. I feel myself that my breathing has much improved and reluctant to go ahead..we will see.
What I do need to do is improve my fitness...so does my Milo, my dog! He's put on a little bit too much weight lately...so we are both on a 'get fit' campaign. I have been given a 'walking machine'..which has to be said, takes up much space in my little lounge..but it will be great to monitor my progress..so looking forward to getting started on that. I am also recruiting some 'doggie play mates' for Milo and a walker to get him out there running..and we had a great walk yesterday along the Worcestershire Way, near to our home. This was a taster of the type of walk we used to do, before I got too poorly to walk far, it was amazing...new smells and sights for both of us. You can see how chuffed Milo is from these pics!
My little garden has been revamped...everything changed around...fresh compost in every pot, new plants potted...ornaments shifted, fairy lights entwined for dusk...felt great...will post pics when they start to flourish..
Its been a month of more music, gigs, beaches, new friends, old friends.. Amazing really.
Yesterday as I completed an email and let go of a situation which was no longer serving anyone, a Mayfly came and landed on my left breast..it stayed there whilst I checked my words and hit the send button..and then it flew back out of the open door. Life is way to short to mess around...playing games.. The Mayfly was a beautiful reminder..it was beautiful...freedom in its leaving...knowing it only has one day to live. :)
Meaning of Mayfly: "Mastery of life on the move. Transformation whilst moving. Living in the moment. Ability to escape a blow. Breaking illusions"
Perfect!
XX
There has been much going on, moving and transforming..
Healthwise...my operation has been delayed and there is to be yet another discussion this week to see if I really need another date set.. I feel myself that my breathing has much improved and reluctant to go ahead..we will see.
What I do need to do is improve my fitness...so does my Milo, my dog! He's put on a little bit too much weight lately...so we are both on a 'get fit' campaign. I have been given a 'walking machine'..which has to be said, takes up much space in my little lounge..but it will be great to monitor my progress..so looking forward to getting started on that. I am also recruiting some 'doggie play mates' for Milo and a walker to get him out there running..and we had a great walk yesterday along the Worcestershire Way, near to our home. This was a taster of the type of walk we used to do, before I got too poorly to walk far, it was amazing...new smells and sights for both of us. You can see how chuffed Milo is from these pics!
My little garden has been revamped...everything changed around...fresh compost in every pot, new plants potted...ornaments shifted, fairy lights entwined for dusk...felt great...will post pics when they start to flourish..
Its been a month of more music, gigs, beaches, new friends, old friends.. Amazing really.
Yesterday as I completed an email and let go of a situation which was no longer serving anyone, a Mayfly came and landed on my left breast..it stayed there whilst I checked my words and hit the send button..and then it flew back out of the open door. Life is way to short to mess around...playing games.. The Mayfly was a beautiful reminder..it was beautiful...freedom in its leaving...knowing it only has one day to live. :)
Meaning of Mayfly: "Mastery of life on the move. Transformation whilst moving. Living in the moment. Ability to escape a blow. Breaking illusions"
Perfect!
XX
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Magical Isle of Wight...Wonder filled Music...
Something magical happened over the weekend.. I travelled over to
the Isle of Wight with two very wonderful
musicians/singer/songwriters... My first time in the Isle of of Wight and I am
not sure whether it was the magic of the Isle, the music or the combination that I found so healing...
On the second gig, I sat and listened to a soundcheck and then the main
performance...it seemed that I was being touched by every note, every sound,
every vocal, every key on the piano..deeply. The resonance I felt in my
body was sometimes overwhelming...tears of sheer bliss would overcome me.
Deborah's voice had a quality to it that was so deep and it seemed to
vibrate every cell in my body. Martin on piano was totally immersed..I could
feel his devotion to his gift. The combination of them both and the
history/energy of the buildings they performed in seemed to gel together so perfectly.
I have had a few sound healing sessions and this was a similar experience...it
was emotional..there was a sense that I was listening to and experiencing
magic..a piece of history in the making. I felt privileged to be present
in the room, to be a part of it, to witness it. I was conscious of not holding on to
each moment but truly relishing every delicious moment..
I was not the only one to feel this...a couple of people from the
audience were in awe of what they had experienced also. Sublime. I went to bed after their final performance feeling intoxicated with joy, gratitude and appreciation.
The following morning I woke up in love...I actually said out loud..
"I am in love".. and then stopped and thought..but who with?
what with?... Life of course...it shouted within me..a joy for life..in
love with life! It really felt like I had been making love
physically all night.. I had gone to bed with joy, gratitude and
appreciation and woke up with the same vibration..my body vibrating with bliss.
I love music, love sound..love any
sound that resonates with my body, my cells, my spirit. When it happens, I soar..every cell vibrates
with bliss and my heart sings in joy.
Namaste to all musicians, singers, songwriters, composers....who are following their
lifes’ purpose and sharing their gift with the world... I love to support you in any way I can..
ps. I have typed this blog entry whilst having to be bed-rested because of a sprained ankle! It certainly feels like I am being asked to be still, to integrate at the moment..
Thursday, 25 April 2013
Namaste to all birthing goddesses who serve humanity so beautifully!
Have not written a blog for a few weeks now.. have been enjoying the very much stalling Spring as and when the sun makes an appearance! Its been bliss being able to be on my swing seat in the garden watching nature begin to stir, lambs playing on the hill and tidying up around the farm where I live in time for the tourist season.
I have been trying to increase my fitness by walking my dog for longer...although this has become problematic as my dog has become so nervous of every single noise around....gunshots - fair enough..but now cars on the cattle grid, garden gates slamming, even a couple of red kites circling above! This has encouraged me to go further afield and go to new places with him so all good.
My life has been moving so fast...everything changing daily..all wonderful...hard for my friends to keep up with developments! However... a couple of things from the past couple of days....
Once I had decided to go ahead with a second surgery on my trachea, all plans were in place for my operation at the end of May...hotels, transport, dog sitter, pre op tests, after care and today I was tidying up all the letters from the hospital and I just had a gut feeling to ring. I rang, and they were just typing a letter to me to cancel it until July! My surgeon is now unable to operate during May. Hmmm...interesting...gives me more time to do more energy work, look at the couple of other alternatives so I wasnt upset! The guy on the end of the phone thanked me for not shouting at him etc...I laughed and said..no worries...there is little point in shouting at you..you cant change it anyhow!
To be honest, on my walk this morning I was thinking that my breathing had stabalised somewhat...yes I still get out of breath going uphill...but I have had worse. I was having the feeling that this surgery wasnt necessary at this point. This delay has given me more motivation to pursue the couple of new leads I have and to take action..right thought...
On another note....
Yesterday a beautiful sister of mine gave birth to her third child down under in Australia...She had posted a picture of her very full tummy the day before and she looked so happy and divine. When I read that she had given birth to a baby boy, so content I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Mother..and for this Mother serving humanity, evolution, for us all in this beautiful, natural way. With that was the bittersweet tinge of sadness for the loss of my babies and the 'void' that I feel sometimes...however..the gratitude and joy that I experienced as well.. through feeling through this sister was stronger...it was almost as if I had experienced birth with her.
Later that day I was in the hairdresser and they were all talking about fertility, birth, miscarriages etc..and I welled up..knowing that within a few moments I would be asked that question... my wonderful hairdresser spotted me and said "I promise you will be ok...you will love what I am about to do!"..which made me laugh as he didnt know I was being touched by something else. My hair was amazing...worthy of tears of delight!
Last night some children that had been in my life until fairly recently got in touch through video/skype....a wonderful surprise..heart warming to see children in their innocence, talking about 'nonsense'...but hearing and feeling their love.
Whilst writing this blog, that beautiful Aussie mamma has just posted some pics of her birth and new baby son... intense, primal, natural, earthy, divine, serving all,...birthing goddess! I am so grateful to you sister! Love thee for your beauty and service...
Namaste
X
ps.. dont forget moon eclipse tonight..and full moon! I will be honouring the moment in the hot tub!
I have been trying to increase my fitness by walking my dog for longer...although this has become problematic as my dog has become so nervous of every single noise around....gunshots - fair enough..but now cars on the cattle grid, garden gates slamming, even a couple of red kites circling above! This has encouraged me to go further afield and go to new places with him so all good.
My life has been moving so fast...everything changing daily..all wonderful...hard for my friends to keep up with developments! However... a couple of things from the past couple of days....
Once I had decided to go ahead with a second surgery on my trachea, all plans were in place for my operation at the end of May...hotels, transport, dog sitter, pre op tests, after care and today I was tidying up all the letters from the hospital and I just had a gut feeling to ring. I rang, and they were just typing a letter to me to cancel it until July! My surgeon is now unable to operate during May. Hmmm...interesting...gives me more time to do more energy work, look at the couple of other alternatives so I wasnt upset! The guy on the end of the phone thanked me for not shouting at him etc...I laughed and said..no worries...there is little point in shouting at you..you cant change it anyhow!
To be honest, on my walk this morning I was thinking that my breathing had stabalised somewhat...yes I still get out of breath going uphill...but I have had worse. I was having the feeling that this surgery wasnt necessary at this point. This delay has given me more motivation to pursue the couple of new leads I have and to take action..right thought...
On another note....
Yesterday a beautiful sister of mine gave birth to her third child down under in Australia...She had posted a picture of her very full tummy the day before and she looked so happy and divine. When I read that she had given birth to a baby boy, so content I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Mother..and for this Mother serving humanity, evolution, for us all in this beautiful, natural way. With that was the bittersweet tinge of sadness for the loss of my babies and the 'void' that I feel sometimes...however..the gratitude and joy that I experienced as well.. through feeling through this sister was stronger...it was almost as if I had experienced birth with her.
Later that day I was in the hairdresser and they were all talking about fertility, birth, miscarriages etc..and I welled up..knowing that within a few moments I would be asked that question... my wonderful hairdresser spotted me and said "I promise you will be ok...you will love what I am about to do!"..which made me laugh as he didnt know I was being touched by something else. My hair was amazing...worthy of tears of delight!
Last night some children that had been in my life until fairly recently got in touch through video/skype....a wonderful surprise..heart warming to see children in their innocence, talking about 'nonsense'...but hearing and feeling their love.
Whilst writing this blog, that beautiful Aussie mamma has just posted some pics of her birth and new baby son... intense, primal, natural, earthy, divine, serving all,...birthing goddess! I am so grateful to you sister! Love thee for your beauty and service...
Namaste
X
ps.. dont forget moon eclipse tonight..and full moon! I will be honouring the moment in the hot tub!
Monday, 1 April 2013
Awesome London Weekend...Magical Meetings..
Powerful and magical weekend..with my wonderful friend and singer/songwriter Deborah Rose at the Southbank Festival in London.
I was sat to the edge of the stage..looking out to the River Thames and watching people walk by the stage..some stopping for a while before moving on with their journey..
Lots moving for me..in my mind, heart and body. I noticed the time of Big Ben at just before quarter past one...Deb started her set and it seemed as though angels descended and were circulating around that tiny bit of London. I watched the people that had stopped to listen. A sea of faces smiling, laughing, chatting, tapping of feet, jigging and singing. I felt privileged to be sat where I was..to see them acknowledge the gift that was being shared...
There seemed to be so many greetings and meetings in that one hour..planned meetings to eat lunch or have a drink, strangers standing side by side, laughing and singing along, friends in groups a little bit tipsy..chattering, laughing and raising their plastic beer cups to Debs, tourists walking past with their video cameras, taking shots of it all..
One guy even rang his family back home, I think in Romania, to say listen..and held his mobile up to the speaker for the entire show!
A little girl with her dad came by...wrapped up all in pink - cosy from the wind.. she looked up to the stage with awe...she let go of her dads hand, he came to talk to me allowing her the safe space to observe.. She stood in front of the stage, rocked a bit in time with the music..a bit unsteady on her feet but all the time staring right at Debs..then you saw she became self-conscious and ran back to her dad. That made my lip quiver...but I bit it, looked to the side and a lady caught my eye..she mouthed..you ok? Knowing if I acknowledged this emotion, that I wouldnt be able to hold it in..I nodded and smiled... took a big gulp of tea and looked back at the crowd.
At that point I realised that I was witnessing something magical about this whole scene..everyone and everything seemed to be orchestrated by some angelic or divine energy...
A London gent walked in front of the crowd, smartly dressed in a grey suit, floral lilac waistcoat and trimmed hat.. He was so distinguished, his grey hair tied back in the tiniest of neat pony tail....he stopped right in front of the stage and stared at Deb with a smile...as he walked on with his journey..he tipped his hat to her in appreciation...made me smile!
A young girl..budding singer/musician herself stayed for ages listening and closely watching the chords being played..the tones..her dad encouraging her to come and ask me for some information. He gave her the money for a cd and she asked Deb for her signature.. She held onto it so preciously..asking me for a bag so that she could protect it from being spoiled..
The last song.."Somewhere over the Rainbow"..many more stopped to listen and in the middle of the whole scene a couple started to kiss passionately. They kissed lovingly to the chorus...I realised that they were creating a memory..right there and then....how magical to witness.
Then, in front of them, two guys came from either side of the crowd.. stepped into the middle with arms outstretched in greeting.. they met each other in front of Deb, they hugged and were so happy to have met each other unexpectedly. It felt so warm inside of me to see these two "cool" looking guys showing each other such tender brotherly love..
Whoops, claps and cheers as the music finished.
A while ago now at another gig, I was told that I looked "proud" of my friend..I thought that that was an odd word to use...and dismissed it. However, yesterday I saw that yes I was..I acknowledge that i am proud of my best friend, my sister, sharing her gift, honoured and humbled to be able to support and share the space for such profound meetings.
In amongst all that was in that hour..I had so much emotion running through me connected to my own life at that time....but I held it together and it was later when Debs and I shared what we had witnessed that afternoon..the tears came..of sadness, joy, anticipation and wonder of it all! Life really does flow magically.
As an aside, this whole weekend astrologically was a powerful one...there were many planets at 11degrees (to what I dont know) yesterday (Sunday)... I certainly felt that we were all taking part in something that wasnt entirely within our control.
I was sat to the edge of the stage..looking out to the River Thames and watching people walk by the stage..some stopping for a while before moving on with their journey..
Lots moving for me..in my mind, heart and body. I noticed the time of Big Ben at just before quarter past one...Deb started her set and it seemed as though angels descended and were circulating around that tiny bit of London. I watched the people that had stopped to listen. A sea of faces smiling, laughing, chatting, tapping of feet, jigging and singing. I felt privileged to be sat where I was..to see them acknowledge the gift that was being shared...
There seemed to be so many greetings and meetings in that one hour..planned meetings to eat lunch or have a drink, strangers standing side by side, laughing and singing along, friends in groups a little bit tipsy..chattering, laughing and raising their plastic beer cups to Debs, tourists walking past with their video cameras, taking shots of it all..
One guy even rang his family back home, I think in Romania, to say listen..and held his mobile up to the speaker for the entire show!
A little girl with her dad came by...wrapped up all in pink - cosy from the wind.. she looked up to the stage with awe...she let go of her dads hand, he came to talk to me allowing her the safe space to observe.. She stood in front of the stage, rocked a bit in time with the music..a bit unsteady on her feet but all the time staring right at Debs..then you saw she became self-conscious and ran back to her dad. That made my lip quiver...but I bit it, looked to the side and a lady caught my eye..she mouthed..you ok? Knowing if I acknowledged this emotion, that I wouldnt be able to hold it in..I nodded and smiled... took a big gulp of tea and looked back at the crowd.
At that point I realised that I was witnessing something magical about this whole scene..everyone and everything seemed to be orchestrated by some angelic or divine energy...
A London gent walked in front of the crowd, smartly dressed in a grey suit, floral lilac waistcoat and trimmed hat.. He was so distinguished, his grey hair tied back in the tiniest of neat pony tail....he stopped right in front of the stage and stared at Deb with a smile...as he walked on with his journey..he tipped his hat to her in appreciation...made me smile!
A young girl..budding singer/musician herself stayed for ages listening and closely watching the chords being played..the tones..her dad encouraging her to come and ask me for some information. He gave her the money for a cd and she asked Deb for her signature.. She held onto it so preciously..asking me for a bag so that she could protect it from being spoiled..
The last song.."Somewhere over the Rainbow"..many more stopped to listen and in the middle of the whole scene a couple started to kiss passionately. They kissed lovingly to the chorus...I realised that they were creating a memory..right there and then....how magical to witness.
Then, in front of them, two guys came from either side of the crowd.. stepped into the middle with arms outstretched in greeting.. they met each other in front of Deb, they hugged and were so happy to have met each other unexpectedly. It felt so warm inside of me to see these two "cool" looking guys showing each other such tender brotherly love..
Whoops, claps and cheers as the music finished.
A while ago now at another gig, I was told that I looked "proud" of my friend..I thought that that was an odd word to use...and dismissed it. However, yesterday I saw that yes I was..I acknowledge that i am proud of my best friend, my sister, sharing her gift, honoured and humbled to be able to support and share the space for such profound meetings.
In amongst all that was in that hour..I had so much emotion running through me connected to my own life at that time....but I held it together and it was later when Debs and I shared what we had witnessed that afternoon..the tears came..of sadness, joy, anticipation and wonder of it all! Life really does flow magically.
As an aside, this whole weekend astrologically was a powerful one...there were many planets at 11degrees (to what I dont know) yesterday (Sunday)... I certainly felt that we were all taking part in something that wasnt entirely within our control.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)