Year End...Grateful thanks....

Been an age since I last wrote!  Unfortunately the health issues have continued and I did end up with some blood clots in my leg to deal with along with an on going cold.    Luckily the clots were in the superficial veins but they were still very painful...it was very empowering though to be able to do my own heparin injections in my tummy! 

It's a weird time of year for me...it seems there are always beginning and endings around Christmas time.  Throughout my life I have noticed that that period between Xmas and New year, separations or drama of some sort happen..and in each late February, early spring, a new beginning or change of some sort comes into my life.  It's actually quite magical if it wasn't so bloody painful at times.  I always hope that that year is the last year that the pattern repeats.    My first ever relationship..with my birth mother ended soon after birth with a separation.  Between Xmas and new year she was preparing to give birth to the daughter she already knew she was giving up for adoption eight weeks later. 

A new Being entered my life briefly early Winter then disappeared over Christmas.  That fleeting romance showed me so much.  It showed me how I had built a wall of resistance and distrust of man..I had built in a radar to hunt out 'controlling' behaviours and it was astonishing (and actually sickening) to watch me on the look out for the slightest hint of such behaviour.  I knew it wasn't my true self though as I could witness it as from my ego self...based on past projection...I was honest and vulnerable in my sharing of this...bless him, his true masculinity in holding that space.

This man got through that wall with perseverance and gradually I let down my guard..I stepped in fully.  Although  it was for only a short time..it was amazing.  Maybe I was a fool, duped or even 'played' given the outcome...maybe my initial doubts were actually founded...I will never know.  However, the lesson was about remaining open to love, trusting and I will endeavour to not re build that wall again when the times comes.  So thank you..you know who you are.  :)

2013 was a siginificant year for my spiritual growth..obviously attending a retreat in Tuscany and a visit to Assisi.  My meeting with St Francis and my return to 'the masters feet' as it were.  The master being source or god, not any particular deity or teacher..the absolute.  It was also where I realised myself and truly became one with everything. 

I have written a book about my journey but have been unsure how to complete the ending. Initially, it was to end at that point in Tuscany when I had re dedicated my life to, serving Source..but Source then 'pushed' me into the path of the masculine, showing me to serve unconditionally, to surrender completely and go beyond any body mind attraction, for the sake of, the whole, for humanity, for evolution.    This was a whole new ball game for me..to be with a man I was not drawn to physically..beyond any body mind identity...it has happened twice this year.

I continued to write about this, about how the feminine presence opened and invited, about her sadness and her compassion for the masculine who cannot meet her....but of course, there is no clear cut 'ending', no official finish line, the journey continues. So  I feel that the book will end at Tuscany, I cannot delay or procrastinate it any longer and I aim to get it 'out there' very soon..

So, thank you to all the readers of my blog...I am so honoured and grateful that you share in my journey.

Let's look forward to 2014...whatever life throws at us... Bring it on!

"KNOW GOD, KNOW PEACE, KNOW YOURSELF!"  XXX

All clear..but there was another reason to go to hospital! Such synchronicities! :)

Well today I was given the 'all clear' ...the hospital scans didnt show up any blood clots so I can now stop injecting myself with blood thinners :)  Fatigue has subsided today to  - so I have just made an Apple Pie with fresh apples from the orchards!  :)

BUT...there was a reason I was in hospital today.. The nurse was taking down my medical history and when I mentioned the RP, she put her pen down and looked at me. 

I had a shiver go through me and a download of energy and asked her what was wrong.   She was having cartliage issues herself and was having trouble getting a diagnosis...ah I said...thats why I am here then!  But the 'coincidence' didnt stop there... she asked me who my consultant was in london...as I said Dr D Cruz..she laughed and said she had just heard about him from her dental nurse.  I had another download of energy and said..right this is why I am here today!   It was my turn to laugh... this dental nurse you go to  is she in Evesham by any chance?   Yes she said...my god..its you...   Yes!  I laughed! ...I had told the dental nurse about Dr D Cruz a whilst back as her mother was having similar symptoms..  As it turned out, the nurses had had a conversation about 'me' last week...and the mother was now getting sorted out and the recommendation of Dr Cruz was passed on!     Thats how it works!

We were both pretty shocked but then again I wasnt...it was all perfect.  Interestingly, she had once lived i the same village as I do now..it does make me wonder if there is something environmental causing this increase in auto-immune issues!  I shared some hints, and discussed the fatigue that comes with auto immune stuff etc and she shared her progress thus far with the local rheumys...and she also felt that there would be no blood clots in my system but that we had to go through the motions.  

We hugged each other warmly as I left and she thanked me for having passed on the info.     This again is another confirmation that life does work out...flow as its meant to...regardless of how it seems at times. On Saturday I was so tired and was feeling pretty 'alone' with it all...I had also heard that day that my sister had got blood clots in her lungs and was having blood thinners.  But I knew at the same time, I was okay...it was body mind stuff and I am so much more than that.   It was empowering to me to be able to self inject so easily and there was a knowing that whatever symptoms I was showing of clots was really just my cells transforming..

Grateful thanks to the NHS yet again!

Namaste
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