Been an age since I last wrote! Unfortunately the health issues have
continued and I did end up with some blood clots in my leg to deal with
along with an on going cold. Luckily the clots were in the
superficial veins but they were still very painful...it was very
empowering though to be able to do my own heparin injections in my
tummy!
It's a weird time of year for me...it seems there are
always beginning and endings around Christmas time. Throughout my life I
have noticed that that period between Xmas and New year, separations
or drama of some sort happen..and in each late February, early spring, a
new beginning or change of some sort comes into my life. It's actually quite
magical if it wasn't so bloody painful at times. I always hope that
that year is the last year that the pattern repeats. My first ever
relationship..with my birth mother ended soon after birth with a
separation. Between Xmas and new year she was preparing to give birth
to the daughter she already knew she was giving up for adoption eight
weeks later.
A new Being entered my life briefly early Winter
then disappeared over Christmas. That fleeting romance showed me so
much. It showed me how I had built a wall of resistance and distrust of
man..I had built in a radar to hunt out 'controlling' behaviours and it
was astonishing (and actually sickening) to watch me on the look out
for the slightest hint of such behaviour. I knew it wasn't my true self
though as I could witness it as from my ego self...based on past
projection...I was honest and vulnerable in my sharing of this...bless him, his true masculinity in holding that space.
This man got through that wall with perseverance and
gradually I let down my guard..I stepped in fully. Although it was for
only a short time..it was amazing. Maybe I was a fool, duped or even
'played' given the outcome...maybe my initial doubts were actually
founded...I will never know. However, the lesson was about remaining
open to love, trusting and I will endeavour to not re build that wall
again when the times comes. So thank you..you know who you are. :)
2013
was a siginificant year for my spiritual growth..obviously attending a
retreat in Tuscany and a visit to Assisi. My meeting with St Francis
and my return to 'the masters feet' as it were. The master being source
or god, not any particular deity or teacher..the absolute. It was also
where I realised myself and truly became one with everything.
I
have written a book about my journey but have been unsure how to
complete the ending. Initially, it was to end at that point in Tuscany
when I had re dedicated my life to, serving Source..but Source then
'pushed' me into the path of the masculine, showing me to serve
unconditionally, to surrender completely and go beyond any body mind
attraction, for the sake of, the whole, for humanity, for evolution.
This was a whole new ball game for me..to be with a man I was not drawn
to physically..beyond any body mind identity...it has happened twice this year.
I continued to
write about this, about how the feminine presence opened and invited,
about her sadness and her compassion for the masculine who cannot meet
her....but of course, there is no clear cut 'ending', no official finish
line, the journey continues. So I feel that the book will end at
Tuscany, I cannot delay or procrastinate it any longer and I aim to get it 'out there' very soon..
So, thank you to all the readers of my blog...I am so honoured and grateful that you share in my journey.
Let's look forward to 2014...whatever life throws at us... Bring it on!
"KNOW GOD, KNOW PEACE, KNOW YOURSELF!" XXX
Monday, 30 December 2013
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
A Journey of Woman: Overdue Blog...dark night of soul despair to joy. ...
A Journey of Woman: Overdue Blog...dark night of soul despair to joy. ...: It has been a long while since I last wrote. Much has transpired and I needed to surrender to it all and I didn't want to write public...
Overdue Blog...dark night of soul despair to joy. :)
It has been a long while since I last wrote. Much has transpired and I
needed to surrender to it all and I didn't want to write publicly. I
did still write for myself as that is what I do..and I have brought into
this piece the 'ramblings' of the last month or so..
I have had to face numerous health issues...it seems that life wanted me to re-explore health concerns from the past and I have gone through many tests, numerous visits to consultants from different disciplines..blood clots, eye problems, cervical cancer, trachea narrowing, knee injury. As one letter of appointment or concern after another dropped through my door, I sank deeper and deeper..
During this period, I also travelled through a journey of 'spiritual' crises and experienced dark night of the soul stuff. This was to be celebrated...accepted... I had been brought to my knees once more..I am blessed.
I felt so alone and yet knew I was not separate. I felt outside, in excile, in madness, caught between the old and the new possibilities. Projects were not coming through, my life felt stuck and I felt inadequate. I couldnt go back..I would not quit. Along with those feelings of depression, I remembered the unending divine connection..I am that...
Physically as well, my body was screaming..Every muscle, bone and cell seemed to ache so deep that there was no way to get relief and I was so tired all the time. I was and still am spinning out as if I have vertigo. I had to travel many miles to appointments and have unpleasant tests undertaken. Milo had his dog walkers, my mum helped with shopping, I felt like I would never surface..It took tremendous energy not to get into 'poor me' stuff.
My teacher, satsang, books, positive thoughts, friends, possessions, money, music, meditations, even distractions could not not relieve it. Suicide ..not even that...absurd..pills from the doctor for depression...no way, I am beyond this body mind and I didn't want to be robbed of the experience, be numbed in any way.
I trusted in what was happening, knowing it was necessary..I had to surrender to it and just 'be'. After the blissful presence I had entered at Tuscany, I knew that I didn't need to 'feel" that bliss in order to be it. I had to stay with the knowledge of it..it took tremendous energy and devotion. My beloved teacher told me it was the integrative process and It was something not to be rushed...I knew there would be light again.
The majority of the health concerns turned out okay...I had a knowing they would be fine. But its a real test when you are getting told my various 'professional's that they see something amiss, even though you dont believe it.
I had experienced these feelings of despair and loneliness before when I returned from my first ever residential retreat and had my first realisations but that was many many years ago. That time I was married and surrounded by family..but still felt so alone. There was much concern from loved ones who didn't know what to do and I didn't know at the time what was happening to me.
It's a time when you don't belong in the old way of life, yet you don't fit in any other reality either, the new life. We are told that this is a path of joy and yet my life felt empty..and yet again there is also a knowledge that you cannot go back...that would be like going to prison.
There has to be acceptance first, trust and the knowledge that there is no separation, that I am that absolutely..regardless of how it looks or feels.
Slowly the darkness has dispersed..catching glimpses of light and hope. Negative thoughts that had previously washed over me as soon as I opened my eyes could no longer take hold..once more I could breathe! Friends have come and supported me in so many ways.. helped around the house, with Milo, feeding me or just staying with me.. virtual friends from lands afar have listened to my rants and in turn threw light in some very dark places as we share similar health challenges. I thank all my angels! X I have re organised my house, got it in order, chucked out so much 'stuff' on so many levels, getting myself out to communicate with new people.....ready for the new...here it comes! :)
:)
Bringing you all up to date..I have experienced much laughter these last few days...it's been amazing, powerful, beautiful, emotional and I admit even a little scary to catch myself smiling randomly. Much energy has and is being transformed and I am blessed and grateful to all around me, old friends and to new beings arriving in my life! :)
Sunny, crisp, frosty Autumnal day today..magical....ahhh...deep breath! Here goes....to how life unfolds! :)
Namaste
Lissy.x
I have had to face numerous health issues...it seems that life wanted me to re-explore health concerns from the past and I have gone through many tests, numerous visits to consultants from different disciplines..blood clots, eye problems, cervical cancer, trachea narrowing, knee injury. As one letter of appointment or concern after another dropped through my door, I sank deeper and deeper..
During this period, I also travelled through a journey of 'spiritual' crises and experienced dark night of the soul stuff. This was to be celebrated...accepted... I had been brought to my knees once more..I am blessed.
I felt so alone and yet knew I was not separate. I felt outside, in excile, in madness, caught between the old and the new possibilities. Projects were not coming through, my life felt stuck and I felt inadequate. I couldnt go back..I would not quit. Along with those feelings of depression, I remembered the unending divine connection..I am that...
Physically as well, my body was screaming..Every muscle, bone and cell seemed to ache so deep that there was no way to get relief and I was so tired all the time. I was and still am spinning out as if I have vertigo. I had to travel many miles to appointments and have unpleasant tests undertaken. Milo had his dog walkers, my mum helped with shopping, I felt like I would never surface..It took tremendous energy not to get into 'poor me' stuff.
My teacher, satsang, books, positive thoughts, friends, possessions, money, music, meditations, even distractions could not not relieve it. Suicide ..not even that...absurd..pills from the doctor for depression...no way, I am beyond this body mind and I didn't want to be robbed of the experience, be numbed in any way.
I trusted in what was happening, knowing it was necessary..I had to surrender to it and just 'be'. After the blissful presence I had entered at Tuscany, I knew that I didn't need to 'feel" that bliss in order to be it. I had to stay with the knowledge of it..it took tremendous energy and devotion. My beloved teacher told me it was the integrative process and It was something not to be rushed...I knew there would be light again.
The majority of the health concerns turned out okay...I had a knowing they would be fine. But its a real test when you are getting told my various 'professional's that they see something amiss, even though you dont believe it.
I had experienced these feelings of despair and loneliness before when I returned from my first ever residential retreat and had my first realisations but that was many many years ago. That time I was married and surrounded by family..but still felt so alone. There was much concern from loved ones who didn't know what to do and I didn't know at the time what was happening to me.
It's a time when you don't belong in the old way of life, yet you don't fit in any other reality either, the new life. We are told that this is a path of joy and yet my life felt empty..and yet again there is also a knowledge that you cannot go back...that would be like going to prison.
There has to be acceptance first, trust and the knowledge that there is no separation, that I am that absolutely..regardless of how it looks or feels.
Slowly the darkness has dispersed..catching glimpses of light and hope. Negative thoughts that had previously washed over me as soon as I opened my eyes could no longer take hold..once more I could breathe! Friends have come and supported me in so many ways.. helped around the house, with Milo, feeding me or just staying with me.. virtual friends from lands afar have listened to my rants and in turn threw light in some very dark places as we share similar health challenges. I thank all my angels! X I have re organised my house, got it in order, chucked out so much 'stuff' on so many levels, getting myself out to communicate with new people.....ready for the new...here it comes! :)
:)
Bringing you all up to date..I have experienced much laughter these last few days...it's been amazing, powerful, beautiful, emotional and I admit even a little scary to catch myself smiling randomly. Much energy has and is being transformed and I am blessed and grateful to all around me, old friends and to new beings arriving in my life! :)
Sunny, crisp, frosty Autumnal day today..magical....ahhh...deep breath! Here goes....to how life unfolds! :)
Namaste
Lissy.x
Monday, 23 September 2013
A Journey of Woman: All clear..but there was another reason to go to h...
A Journey of Woman: All clear..but there was another reason to go to h...: Well today I was given the 'all clear' ...the hospital scans didnt show up any blood clots so I can now stop injecting myself with b...
All clear..but there was another reason to go to hospital! Such synchronicities! :)
Well today I was given the 'all clear' ...the hospital scans didnt show up any blood clots so I can now stop injecting myself with blood thinners :) Fatigue has subsided today to - so I have just made an Apple Pie with fresh apples from the orchards! :)
BUT...there was a reason I was in hospital today.. The nurse was taking down my medical history and when I mentioned the RP, she put her pen down and looked at me.
I had a shiver go through me and a download of energy and asked her what was wrong. She was having cartliage issues herself and was having trouble getting a diagnosis...ah I said...thats why I am here then! But the 'coincidence' didnt stop there... she asked me who my consultant was in london...as I said Dr D Cruz..she laughed and said she had just heard about him from her dental nurse. I had another download of energy and said..right this is why I am here today! It was my turn to laugh... this dental nurse you go to is she in Evesham by any chance? Yes she said...my god..its you... Yes! I laughed! ...I had told the dental nurse about Dr D Cruz a whilst back as her mother was having similar symptoms.. As it turned out, the nurses had had a conversation about 'me' last week...and the mother was now getting sorted out and the recommendation of Dr Cruz was passed on! Thats how it works!
We were both pretty shocked but then again I wasnt...it was all perfect. Interestingly, she had once lived i the same village as I do now..it does make me wonder if there is something environmental causing this increase in auto-immune issues! I shared some hints, and discussed the fatigue that comes with auto immune stuff etc and she shared her progress thus far with the local rheumys...and she also felt that there would be no blood clots in my system but that we had to go through the motions.
We hugged each other warmly as I left and she thanked me for having passed on the info. This again is another confirmation that life does work out...flow as its meant to...regardless of how it seems at times. On Saturday I was so tired and was feeling pretty 'alone' with it all...I had also heard that day that my sister had got blood clots in her lungs and was having blood thinners. But I knew at the same time, I was okay...it was body mind stuff and I am so much more than that. It was empowering to me to be able to self inject so easily and there was a knowing that whatever symptoms I was showing of clots was really just my cells transforming..
Grateful thanks to the NHS yet again!
Namaste
X
BUT...there was a reason I was in hospital today.. The nurse was taking down my medical history and when I mentioned the RP, she put her pen down and looked at me.
I had a shiver go through me and a download of energy and asked her what was wrong. She was having cartliage issues herself and was having trouble getting a diagnosis...ah I said...thats why I am here then! But the 'coincidence' didnt stop there... she asked me who my consultant was in london...as I said Dr D Cruz..she laughed and said she had just heard about him from her dental nurse. I had another download of energy and said..right this is why I am here today! It was my turn to laugh... this dental nurse you go to is she in Evesham by any chance? Yes she said...my god..its you... Yes! I laughed! ...I had told the dental nurse about Dr D Cruz a whilst back as her mother was having similar symptoms.. As it turned out, the nurses had had a conversation about 'me' last week...and the mother was now getting sorted out and the recommendation of Dr Cruz was passed on! Thats how it works!
We were both pretty shocked but then again I wasnt...it was all perfect. Interestingly, she had once lived i the same village as I do now..it does make me wonder if there is something environmental causing this increase in auto-immune issues! I shared some hints, and discussed the fatigue that comes with auto immune stuff etc and she shared her progress thus far with the local rheumys...and she also felt that there would be no blood clots in my system but that we had to go through the motions.
We hugged each other warmly as I left and she thanked me for having passed on the info. This again is another confirmation that life does work out...flow as its meant to...regardless of how it seems at times. On Saturday I was so tired and was feeling pretty 'alone' with it all...I had also heard that day that my sister had got blood clots in her lungs and was having blood thinners. But I knew at the same time, I was okay...it was body mind stuff and I am so much more than that. It was empowering to me to be able to self inject so easily and there was a knowing that whatever symptoms I was showing of clots was really just my cells transforming..
Grateful thanks to the NHS yet again!
Namaste
X
Sunday, 22 September 2013
A Journey of Woman: St Francis Synchroncities, Blood clots and full ci...
A Journey of Woman: St Francis Synchroncities, Blood clots and full ci...: Well since my last post, much has transpired. Visiting friends in Devon a couple of weeks ago, we watched The Celestine Prophecy - based ...
St Francis Synchroncities, Blood clots and full circles?
Well since my last post, much has transpired.
Visiting friends in Devon a couple of weeks ago, we watched The Celestine Prophecy - based on the books which we had read many years ago. I was not expecting much to be honest..but nearly fell off the sofa when within the first few minutes there were references to St Francis..the statue, a Franciscan priest, the red peace lily... At the end of the film, the three of us just looked at each other...acknowledging the vastness of how humanity is evolving..how we are all part of that evolution.
What is this about St Francis? Before I went to bed, I googled St Francis, UK..and I shouted with surprise! There was a Fransican monastery on the path leading from the chalet I used to live in - still visit! Glasshampton Monastry in Worcestershire. When I lived there, I had walked the path through the woods to their garden, and loved the stained glass windows, statues etc..but hadnt entered. After that, I did more research on St Francis and discovered he was a 'playboy'of sorts..that he was ill twice and then devoted himself to serve god. He gave..and in that he received. I have since written to the Brothers at Glasshampton and have been invited to spend a day with them.
Anyway..on my journey back home from Devon, I listened to a satsang of Bernie's...the cd suddenly jumped and stopped...on came the radio..blasting out an old '80's song by Belinda Carlisle - guess which one! "Heaven is a place on Earth". I laughed so!
Last week's visit to London surgeon went okay..not too concerned as my breathing in tests has been good..but do have to return in October for scans and more tests to examine the trachea closer.
Seems that my body is doing its 'thing' right now as this weekend, I have been 'grounded' at home once more...on Friday following concern from my osteopath, I was in hospital with suspected blood clots..in the same place in my leg/groin as all those years ago..which started my spiritual awakening! Full circle.. I reckon they are being over cautious and feel they wont find anything in my scan on Monday. However, here I am, self-injecting myself with blood thinners - how far I have come in these sixteen years! From refusing treatment, needle phobic to self injecting! Feeling so empowered and today writing again.
Now reading up on Mary Magdalene, St Pio and St Theresa....not sure where all this is leading but following the pull. I am not going to become a devote Christian, a nun....but still. I have chosen the path of relationship..lets see how it unfolds!
Namaste
X
Visiting friends in Devon a couple of weeks ago, we watched The Celestine Prophecy - based on the books which we had read many years ago. I was not expecting much to be honest..but nearly fell off the sofa when within the first few minutes there were references to St Francis..the statue, a Franciscan priest, the red peace lily... At the end of the film, the three of us just looked at each other...acknowledging the vastness of how humanity is evolving..how we are all part of that evolution.
What is this about St Francis? Before I went to bed, I googled St Francis, UK..and I shouted with surprise! There was a Fransican monastery on the path leading from the chalet I used to live in - still visit! Glasshampton Monastry in Worcestershire. When I lived there, I had walked the path through the woods to their garden, and loved the stained glass windows, statues etc..but hadnt entered. After that, I did more research on St Francis and discovered he was a 'playboy'of sorts..that he was ill twice and then devoted himself to serve god. He gave..and in that he received. I have since written to the Brothers at Glasshampton and have been invited to spend a day with them.
Anyway..on my journey back home from Devon, I listened to a satsang of Bernie's...the cd suddenly jumped and stopped...on came the radio..blasting out an old '80's song by Belinda Carlisle - guess which one! "Heaven is a place on Earth". I laughed so!
Last week's visit to London surgeon went okay..not too concerned as my breathing in tests has been good..but do have to return in October for scans and more tests to examine the trachea closer.
Seems that my body is doing its 'thing' right now as this weekend, I have been 'grounded' at home once more...on Friday following concern from my osteopath, I was in hospital with suspected blood clots..in the same place in my leg/groin as all those years ago..which started my spiritual awakening! Full circle.. I reckon they are being over cautious and feel they wont find anything in my scan on Monday. However, here I am, self-injecting myself with blood thinners - how far I have come in these sixteen years! From refusing treatment, needle phobic to self injecting! Feeling so empowered and today writing again.
Now reading up on Mary Magdalene, St Pio and St Theresa....not sure where all this is leading but following the pull. I am not going to become a devote Christian, a nun....but still. I have chosen the path of relationship..lets see how it unfolds!
Namaste
X
Thursday, 12 September 2013
Never ending deepening, fully living regardless of the body!
I have just returned from another retreat with Bernie...yet again I am
amazed at the depths I am touching..it truly is endless. Even as I re
listened to the audio yesterday, there was an even deeper knowing, from
another point, another level of being...it's like I am a giant
kaleidoscope - I am! This is so hard to put into words!
I cried with the enormity of this multi dimensional reality, the vastness and the responsibility of knowing that....and then I can hear a call for 'more..ready for the next'..which makes me laugh at the same time as the crying!
Seeing the potential for the evolution of humanity..It is a choice less choice now...I give over everything! Thy will be done!
In amongst all this, this body mind is doing it's thing...hospital next week as there is some concern about my trachea again...I will go, take the tests, listen to the consultants views. And yet I feel wonder filled! I have not 'felt' this well for a long time regardless of what may appear on scans of this body!
I get on with life..and allow it to move me...
Amongst the many many things I heard at the weekend with Bernie, one discussion that humbled me which seems fitting for this blog entry is transcribed below:
"He is shattered..I am shattered...what a wonderful state...there is pain in my body..I am wonderfully shattered. I get on a plane and the shattering says "I can't do this" ... I say "p off shattering, I am going". I will attend to it when I have time to.
Get in your new body...do you really think you need to look after your body..? Yes I do when I do...but the real looking after your body is being true. Whilst you are being true, the very genetics of humanity are being changed by a higher power.
Any realiser has something happening in their body. There have been some great realisers that have died of all manner of cancers and things. Things move in the body when you begin to become who you really are...there is transformation on every level. So look after your body but live fully!"
A life threatening blood clot woke this one up..suddenly! Such transformation took place at that time, it changed my life utterly and completely. It led me to search for more and I then met Bernie. At my first retreat with Bernie, I entered the cosmos, the deathband and realised immortality. Shortly after that, a few months of living with him, I was diagnosed with severe anaemia..the doctors were puzzled because they couldn't find a cause for it, nor could they understand how I was even walking as the blood count was so low. Bernie told me they would never find the cause - as my DNA had changed. This I now know.. On so many levels.
Illness and unusual diagnoses have been a major part of my journey...they have led me to so many paths, situations and people that I wouldn't have encountered otherwise. Such transformation is a gift. I am grateful for all of it!
So! If Bernie can get on an airplane exhausted with his body calling for rest..then I can also...it is what I am being called to do!
Namaste
X
ps. Bernie is now in South Africa with a team of teachers of The Form that have been sharing CosmoForm around the townships. I have been so in awe by how they are touching many in this way...truly humbling. Please check out what are they doing here:
http://www.cosmoforminitiative.org/
I cried with the enormity of this multi dimensional reality, the vastness and the responsibility of knowing that....and then I can hear a call for 'more..ready for the next'..which makes me laugh at the same time as the crying!
Seeing the potential for the evolution of humanity..It is a choice less choice now...I give over everything! Thy will be done!
In amongst all this, this body mind is doing it's thing...hospital next week as there is some concern about my trachea again...I will go, take the tests, listen to the consultants views. And yet I feel wonder filled! I have not 'felt' this well for a long time regardless of what may appear on scans of this body!
I get on with life..and allow it to move me...
Amongst the many many things I heard at the weekend with Bernie, one discussion that humbled me which seems fitting for this blog entry is transcribed below:
"He is shattered..I am shattered...what a wonderful state...there is pain in my body..I am wonderfully shattered. I get on a plane and the shattering says "I can't do this" ... I say "p off shattering, I am going". I will attend to it when I have time to.
Get in your new body...do you really think you need to look after your body..? Yes I do when I do...but the real looking after your body is being true. Whilst you are being true, the very genetics of humanity are being changed by a higher power.
Any realiser has something happening in their body. There have been some great realisers that have died of all manner of cancers and things. Things move in the body when you begin to become who you really are...there is transformation on every level. So look after your body but live fully!"
A life threatening blood clot woke this one up..suddenly! Such transformation took place at that time, it changed my life utterly and completely. It led me to search for more and I then met Bernie. At my first retreat with Bernie, I entered the cosmos, the deathband and realised immortality. Shortly after that, a few months of living with him, I was diagnosed with severe anaemia..the doctors were puzzled because they couldn't find a cause for it, nor could they understand how I was even walking as the blood count was so low. Bernie told me they would never find the cause - as my DNA had changed. This I now know.. On so many levels.
Illness and unusual diagnoses have been a major part of my journey...they have led me to so many paths, situations and people that I wouldn't have encountered otherwise. Such transformation is a gift. I am grateful for all of it!
So! If Bernie can get on an airplane exhausted with his body calling for rest..then I can also...it is what I am being called to do!
Namaste
X
ps. Bernie is now in South Africa with a team of teachers of The Form that have been sharing CosmoForm around the townships. I have been so in awe by how they are touching many in this way...truly humbling. Please check out what are they doing here:
http://www.cosmoforminitiative.org/
Wednesday, 4 September 2013
Autumn coming, accidents and writing..writing...writing! :)
A few weeks since I last blogged. I woke up this morning to see that mist
was covering the valley, the sun was warm and it was burning through so
the mist was swirling above the lakes. Beautiful and a reminder that
autumn is around the corner!
I had an accident a couple of weeks ago, tripping over a broken manhole cover. Split toe, bruising, cuts and grazes...all bandaged up, limping and achey but it could have been so much worse. I felt grateful for that. So with little choice but to rest up whilst I heal, I have been writing, writing, writing.
I have never written so much before and it has just flowed. I have written about my journey, my first spiritual awakening when I nearly died from a blood clot right the way through my living with a spiritual master to the recent retreat in Tuscany. It's been quite a journey, at times I questioned why I was writing about the 'past'. There have been tears, many shakes of my head and a recognition of how others have played their part in this journey.
It was 'completed' yesterday, the final draft page written as my moon time coming into flow. Perfect timing! Now we will see how it all unfolds.
Namaste
X
I had an accident a couple of weeks ago, tripping over a broken manhole cover. Split toe, bruising, cuts and grazes...all bandaged up, limping and achey but it could have been so much worse. I felt grateful for that. So with little choice but to rest up whilst I heal, I have been writing, writing, writing.
I have never written so much before and it has just flowed. I have written about my journey, my first spiritual awakening when I nearly died from a blood clot right the way through my living with a spiritual master to the recent retreat in Tuscany. It's been quite a journey, at times I questioned why I was writing about the 'past'. There have been tears, many shakes of my head and a recognition of how others have played their part in this journey.
It was 'completed' yesterday, the final draft page written as my moon time coming into flow. Perfect timing! Now we will see how it all unfolds.
Namaste
X
Wednesday, 21 August 2013
A Journey of Woman: Yesterday I made an unexpected last min dash to Av...
A Journey of Woman: Yesterday I made an unexpected last min dash to Av...: Yesterday I made an unexpected last min dash to Avebury to meet up with a group about to go inside the stones of Stonehenge - in time for th...
Yesterday I made an unexpected last min dash to Avebury to meet up with a group about to go inside the stones of Stonehenge - in time for the full moon! The group were to begin their walk around Avebury for sunset.. I got two hours notice..it took me two hours to get there! I knew I had to be there though.
The walk around Avebury at sunset was beautiful .. meeting up with the heart stone that I greet and connect with everytime I go there. Amazing to be there so spontaneously and meeting new people too..
We moved on to Stonehenge at dusk. The Full Moon shone on the powerful stones so beautifully. We were not allowed to touch them, lean on them with a security guy watching us carefully... but that didnt matter. I went barefoot and there was a distinct difference in temp and feel of the earth/grass between the inside and the outside of the stones.
Magical...it caught my Breath to see the moon shining through the arch way of the stones.. and as I walked around and in between the stones, my body vibrated with the energy.
We heard a bit of the astrology for that moment...and then we were in silence for while to meditate. I did a part of The Form which was so peaceful,...I sat down so I could see the moon between the stones and meditated. I was in the centre of the circle and it felt like I was in the centre of a vortex..I felt my energy sink into the earth..and seemingly through it and out beyond..and then the cosmos was swirling beautifully around ..but could still sense the power of the standing stones. My physical body was vibrating...and I was at total peace.
The guard complained loudly about someone leaning on the stones..which did slightly disturb the energy of the group.. so then I focused on healing and the vision of me finishing my book, and then creating a community serving humanity...living together and providing retreat space and a place for people to gather in love and truth.
Before we left, I walked around the stones feeling their power.. I had only ever seen the stones from the road before...I had never seen the point of paying to walk the tourist route that got nowhere near.. this was surreal. I could definately feel and see it being created as an observatory...the latest info being that there was a structure on top of the stones...like a platform which would have been used to observe the sky above the bank of cloud that the UK usually gets on the horizon. Amazing..
I have a few pics below which were taken by Reena and David Rowan..stunning! Namaste to David and Reena.
Links to David's tours. David is an astrologer and holds regular walks, talks and tours around Avebury and Stonehenge. He has a wealth of knowledge and interesting information..well worth a visit!
www.davidrowan.co.uk
To find out more about The Form:
www.realitypractice.org
The walk around Avebury at sunset was beautiful .. meeting up with the heart stone that I greet and connect with everytime I go there. Amazing to be there so spontaneously and meeting new people too..
We moved on to Stonehenge at dusk. The Full Moon shone on the powerful stones so beautifully. We were not allowed to touch them, lean on them with a security guy watching us carefully... but that didnt matter. I went barefoot and there was a distinct difference in temp and feel of the earth/grass between the inside and the outside of the stones.
Magical...it caught my Breath to see the moon shining through the arch way of the stones.. and as I walked around and in between the stones, my body vibrated with the energy.
We heard a bit of the astrology for that moment...and then we were in silence for while to meditate. I did a part of The Form which was so peaceful,...I sat down so I could see the moon between the stones and meditated. I was in the centre of the circle and it felt like I was in the centre of a vortex..I felt my energy sink into the earth..and seemingly through it and out beyond..and then the cosmos was swirling beautifully around ..but could still sense the power of the standing stones. My physical body was vibrating...and I was at total peace.
The guard complained loudly about someone leaning on the stones..which did slightly disturb the energy of the group.. so then I focused on healing and the vision of me finishing my book, and then creating a community serving humanity...living together and providing retreat space and a place for people to gather in love and truth.
Before we left, I walked around the stones feeling their power.. I had only ever seen the stones from the road before...I had never seen the point of paying to walk the tourist route that got nowhere near.. this was surreal. I could definately feel and see it being created as an observatory...the latest info being that there was a structure on top of the stones...like a platform which would have been used to observe the sky above the bank of cloud that the UK usually gets on the horizon. Amazing..
I have a few pics below which were taken by Reena and David Rowan..stunning! Namaste to David and Reena.
Links to David's tours. David is an astrologer and holds regular walks, talks and tours around Avebury and Stonehenge. He has a wealth of knowledge and interesting information..well worth a visit!
www.davidrowan.co.uk
To find out more about The Form:
www.realitypractice.org
Sunday, 11 August 2013
A Journey of Woman: A wonder filled life... such grace, such blessing...
A Journey of Woman: A wonder filled life... such grace, such blessing...: I have been resting in my swing seat in my garden....sweet sleep..very deep.. As I gradually come back into the body, I can literally feel ...
A wonder filled life... such grace, such blessings.
I have been resting in my swing seat in my garden....sweet sleep..very
deep.. As I gradually come back into the body, I can literally feel me
enter ..every cell waking up in turn..like they are being switched on..one by one and then before I open my eyes, I hear the sounds
around...of the fountain on the fishing lake, and my garden chimes..
It's like I am waking up more consciously nowadays... Ahhhhh..so delicious!
There has been much integrating, still the downloads entering..but in a more gentle way since the retreat. The ripples of the retreat spreading out amongst those around me..entwined in the unseen web of connection. profound death, profound openings...much change occuring.
Yesterday, I walked to the amazing woods near to my cottage....first time in a very long time.. It felt so good to reconnect with the guardians of the wood - Oak trees at the entrance, the mother tree, she still split apart by lightning (previous blog) and man has left her alone for which I am grateful and then the tall masculine tree not far from her...
I embraced each of them...with a totally new vibration... I was deep in connection with nature before..but this was an entirely different frequency. I moved a part of the The Form next to the fallen half of the Mother Tree trunk with a buzzard circling above calling...such beautiful power.
I then walked with Milo the long way back home through the fields of grass and wild flowers...beautiful butterflies like the ones I saw in Tuscany. I acknowledged every one with appreciation.. "Well you are the most beautiful butterfly"... And then every flower that shone out to me.. "Well you are the most beautiful flower". I do this a lot with all living things in nature, try it...you might be surprised at how light and energised you feel... :)
And then the crickets...doing their thing...gentle sound... An English version of the Tuscan Secadas that were so meditative to listen to. I soaked in the view of the Malvern hills in the distance and the valleys rolling between us...seems an eternity since I last saw that view.
Truly blessed.
Lissy.x
There has been much integrating, still the downloads entering..but in a more gentle way since the retreat. The ripples of the retreat spreading out amongst those around me..entwined in the unseen web of connection. profound death, profound openings...much change occuring.
Yesterday, I walked to the amazing woods near to my cottage....first time in a very long time.. It felt so good to reconnect with the guardians of the wood - Oak trees at the entrance, the mother tree, she still split apart by lightning (previous blog) and man has left her alone for which I am grateful and then the tall masculine tree not far from her...
I embraced each of them...with a totally new vibration... I was deep in connection with nature before..but this was an entirely different frequency. I moved a part of the The Form next to the fallen half of the Mother Tree trunk with a buzzard circling above calling...such beautiful power.
I then walked with Milo the long way back home through the fields of grass and wild flowers...beautiful butterflies like the ones I saw in Tuscany. I acknowledged every one with appreciation.. "Well you are the most beautiful butterfly"... And then every flower that shone out to me.. "Well you are the most beautiful flower". I do this a lot with all living things in nature, try it...you might be surprised at how light and energised you feel... :)
And then the crickets...doing their thing...gentle sound... An English version of the Tuscan Secadas that were so meditative to listen to. I soaked in the view of the Malvern hills in the distance and the valleys rolling between us...seems an eternity since I last saw that view.
Truly blessed.
Lissy.x
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
A Journey of Woman: Wow....that was one of the most profound retreats ...
A Journey of Woman: Wow....that was one of the most profound retreats ...: Wow....that was one of the most profound retreats I have been on held by Bernie Prior. I wrote a blog every day whilst I was away..but didn...
Wow....that was one of the most profound retreats I have been on held by Bernie Prior. I wrote a blog every day whilst I was away..but didnt
publish them. Having just reviewed them, if I published them now, it
would be well over twenty pages...so here is a short(ish) sharing.
I was blessed to receive an opening, a 'download' every day. Each day, it would drop through, integrate through my physical body and I would then hear a voice saying 'more...ready for the next'.. It was the same voice or call that I heard to go to Tuscany in the first place..it came from somewhere deep within, not Lisa's voice.
For the first few days I found myself readjusting to seemingly returning to something...but being new. I didn't quite know where I fitted it...but also loved the fact I was almost anonymous, hardly anyone 'knew' me.
There were many profound openings...and I was enthralled at watching the energy of being, of transformation circulate above the people in satsang...watching it drop into a body before the person realised it...watching them literally transform in front of me. It was magical... Why did I ever stop coming...this is what inspires me...this is what I must do...I love watching the movement of transformation..I am passionate about how humanity can transform and evolve...
I re dedicated my life to that, of service to this. Sat with my teacher, master once more..but in a different place..a new place. I drank in consciousness with a passion and delighted in the depths. No more distraction of man, health, my personal life...I am here to live a profound meaningful life.
One of the pinnacle moments came when we visited Assisi and the St Francis hermitage. I went in innocence, not really knowing the story of st Francis, apart from the fact it was an important place to Bernie. Pretty much as soon as I stepped onto the coach, tears began..not knowing why they came...just that something vast was opening. I received a message on my phone and I was curious...I listened to an unknown caller shout 'Rama, Rama, Rama'....bizarre. (i just looked up the story of lord Rama. Rama is revered for his unending compassion, courage and devotion to religious values and duty - so fitting!)
The tears continued to flow as we as a group walked in silence up the path... I noticed the trees shapes, roots exposed and touched them as I passed. We reached the buildings of the hermitage..ducked through the stone doorways..and people were congregating in each room. I am not one for religious buildings so I passed by quickly. I did spot that one room had a red peace Lilly in it...the same plant as in my meditation room at home. (I later found out that this 'room' was in fact the cave where st Francis meditated)
I, however was drawn to the trees that edged the upper path. I came across a statue of St Francis lying on the ground. A huge energy went through my body,and I knelt down at his feet...touched them with love and reverence. I closed my eyes and saw how I had once knelt down and kissed the feet of my teacher, master in satsang, many years previously. They were one and the same master..how could I ever have left the masters feet? I cried knowing that from that moment, I had re dedicated my life to serve love, truth and humanity.
I carried on along the path with reverence and felt such grace. I came across a group of nuns receiving a sermon from a Franciscan priest...as I approached I heard these words:
"however you serve life, do it with your whole being and in joy"
I received these words and their frequency deeply and I sat down, overlooking them in the clearing..listening..
Every word he said was received into my body...and I couldn't stop the tears. The nuns noticed me, looked up at me and smiled..no one said anything directly to me. I looked at the nuns...various ages and faces..devoting themselves to god. I also felt like a nun...in devotion to love and truth and the serving of that.
"See god in all, see god in everything". "Whatever you do in life, even if it's washing up...do it wholly and completely...with joy".
Everything he said was what Bernie had been speaking about..and what I knew to be true. I could no longer mess around, I had to serve this...I knew that even though I had thought I had given over my life to that...that now the whole was required..there was so much more to give. No more personal life..no more playing in the body, mind field of experience.
The sermon was finishing, the nuns were putting away their notepads...I stood up and one of them noticed me. I touched my heart in gratitude for having been part of their lesson. She said something to one of the priests.. He looked up at me and said, something to the group. Everyone was laughing and I laughed too but the tears of gratitude would not stop. I touched my lips, them my heart to express my gratitude once again.
Two of my friends came up to greet me.. The priest called up to ask if he could take a picture.. The one who had been giving the teaching called up..look..she is already wearing the dress. (I was wearing a long green dress) ...St Francis practical he announced. Everyone laughed...I took his words right into my heart..I was to live what I had heard in a practical way..day by day..moment to moment. I cried and laughed at the same time, put my shawl over my head.. They took a picture.
My friends held me as I walked away, feeling so blessed and humbled. We rejoined our main group..and I could not really speak..I was in reverence to what I had received. Bernie sat with us...he knew.. I touched his feet and said..I once prostrated to you in satsang...as I did today with st Francis..how could I ever have left. He said..you had to leave to come back deeper. Profound.
Later as I walked around the town of Assisi. I happened upon another statue of st Francis...he was standing beside a woman, holding her hand. It stopped me in my tracks and drew me closer...so a woman, SHE stood by this man, who was she? As I stood there...a few hands touched my back ..I turned round, and the same group of nuns from earlier were stood around me..chattering to me Italian. More tears, more touching of my heart to express my gratitude to them...so blessed. I later found out that the statue was of a woman known as st Clare..who gave up her personal life to work alongside st Francis..and he was the first to bring in a woman to lead a group of nuns...
The power of the transmission of that day went in so deep...I was only just about able to function... I barely ate and even my favourite food, pizza was barely tasted. Profundity indeed!
There was a satsang with Bernie that evening and this is what took place..I sat on the floor, sinking deeper and deeper...I no longer had any edges...when I tried to focus on an edge, my skin, another body, table...it blurred and disintegrated and I moved through it..and yet could see from all aspects...when someone spoke, it took me eons to orientate where the voice was originating from. My physical body was vibrating, I felt cold but burning a fire inside.
Bernie asked us to hold hands with our neighbour...I couldn't move...a millimetre felt like a thousand miles..when someone touched my hand...I didnt feel it as a separate hand...I was the seeming other.. no boundary existed. I breathed deep, and heard that voice calling for the next..more...a part of my self laughed...my god, this is never ending.
I was somehow aware that at the end of the satsang, forms were moving out of the room...I called for Bernie from within..he didnt come to me. So just breathed deep, and sank into this amazing expansiveness.
I was above my body, I was all..everything, every form...I could move outside of the room, I could listen in on conversations, energetically take part, move so freely and yet my physical body was stuck to the meditation stool. My body I knew needed water..and I saw water..I called for someone to bring me water...but that was, absurd...as I then became the water itself.. Everything was vibrating...one huge heart beat....and yet in the background a high pitch frequency...
I heard that voice again.
"..I am that. All Is in my self. The one self. Nothing is solid. I am that...all move within me, the container and I am that container.. Nothing and yet everything... Never ending."
I tried to move my physical body but it was not easy...it took tremendous energy to lift a finger. Eventually I was able to sit up, in the darkness I scribbled on my notepad the words I had heard/spoken. There were no words and yet with conscious reflection, I have been able to write more than than there is space here..truly vast.
Sometime in the night my roommate discovered I was not in bed..and came for me. I felt like a child..having to relearn everything about the physical body. She helped me back to the room..I am so grateful to my sister for caring for me that night.
I was completely changed....nothing was the same to me. Every cell had been changed.. My sisters ensured I was ok, that I ate a little and I gently integrated back to feeling something of my physical body. That voice though continued to ask for more...I was astonished at the vastness of it...in my heart share group all I could say was...you have no idea...this is vast...it really is never ending. Laughing at the cosmic joke..it changed my understanding of everything..absolutely everything.
My life is now given.. I will only serve that. Humanity needs to wake up, I have to take responsibility and serve life...inspired to facilitate transformation.
I have been asked to share through words, speaking from my heart in a real way... it is something that the ego self has resisted and I am now committed to speaking from the higher woman, SHE. Lisa has cried with the enormity and laughed at the simplicity of it...
I envisioned completing the book I have started...of this woman's journey through near death, meeting her teacher, master, lover, living of that. Of the realisations through the practice of The Form...so right now that is my focus.
So many realisations and growth following that night that I have no space on this blog for...realisation of how the ego self still tries its play..how seemingly others move and yet they are me, within me..such a matrix, a knowing from the depth of the higher woman and how SHE must share that regardless of how Lisa might resist.
Such grace..Truly blessed. But none of this is mine...it's whole purpose is to evolve humanity..for all.
This blog is changing..will change.. I am changed. When I look back at some of my previous writings, I see a much deeper understanding...when I hear Bernie speak, I am hearing from a vaster knowing. I can hardly keep up with what is unfolding...
Namaste
Lissy.x
ps.. a couple of pics for you..
Follow this link to find out more about Bernie Prior retreats.
.JPG)
I was blessed to receive an opening, a 'download' every day. Each day, it would drop through, integrate through my physical body and I would then hear a voice saying 'more...ready for the next'.. It was the same voice or call that I heard to go to Tuscany in the first place..it came from somewhere deep within, not Lisa's voice.
For the first few days I found myself readjusting to seemingly returning to something...but being new. I didn't quite know where I fitted it...but also loved the fact I was almost anonymous, hardly anyone 'knew' me.
There were many profound openings...and I was enthralled at watching the energy of being, of transformation circulate above the people in satsang...watching it drop into a body before the person realised it...watching them literally transform in front of me. It was magical... Why did I ever stop coming...this is what inspires me...this is what I must do...I love watching the movement of transformation..I am passionate about how humanity can transform and evolve...
I re dedicated my life to that, of service to this. Sat with my teacher, master once more..but in a different place..a new place. I drank in consciousness with a passion and delighted in the depths. No more distraction of man, health, my personal life...I am here to live a profound meaningful life.
One of the pinnacle moments came when we visited Assisi and the St Francis hermitage. I went in innocence, not really knowing the story of st Francis, apart from the fact it was an important place to Bernie. Pretty much as soon as I stepped onto the coach, tears began..not knowing why they came...just that something vast was opening. I received a message on my phone and I was curious...I listened to an unknown caller shout 'Rama, Rama, Rama'....bizarre. (i just looked up the story of lord Rama. Rama is revered for his unending compassion, courage and devotion to religious values and duty - so fitting!)
The tears continued to flow as we as a group walked in silence up the path... I noticed the trees shapes, roots exposed and touched them as I passed. We reached the buildings of the hermitage..ducked through the stone doorways..and people were congregating in each room. I am not one for religious buildings so I passed by quickly. I did spot that one room had a red peace Lilly in it...the same plant as in my meditation room at home. (I later found out that this 'room' was in fact the cave where st Francis meditated)
I, however was drawn to the trees that edged the upper path. I came across a statue of St Francis lying on the ground. A huge energy went through my body,and I knelt down at his feet...touched them with love and reverence. I closed my eyes and saw how I had once knelt down and kissed the feet of my teacher, master in satsang, many years previously. They were one and the same master..how could I ever have left the masters feet? I cried knowing that from that moment, I had re dedicated my life to serve love, truth and humanity.
I carried on along the path with reverence and felt such grace. I came across a group of nuns receiving a sermon from a Franciscan priest...as I approached I heard these words:
"however you serve life, do it with your whole being and in joy"
I received these words and their frequency deeply and I sat down, overlooking them in the clearing..listening..
Every word he said was received into my body...and I couldn't stop the tears. The nuns noticed me, looked up at me and smiled..no one said anything directly to me. I looked at the nuns...various ages and faces..devoting themselves to god. I also felt like a nun...in devotion to love and truth and the serving of that.
"See god in all, see god in everything". "Whatever you do in life, even if it's washing up...do it wholly and completely...with joy".
Everything he said was what Bernie had been speaking about..and what I knew to be true. I could no longer mess around, I had to serve this...I knew that even though I had thought I had given over my life to that...that now the whole was required..there was so much more to give. No more personal life..no more playing in the body, mind field of experience.
The sermon was finishing, the nuns were putting away their notepads...I stood up and one of them noticed me. I touched my heart in gratitude for having been part of their lesson. She said something to one of the priests.. He looked up at me and said, something to the group. Everyone was laughing and I laughed too but the tears of gratitude would not stop. I touched my lips, them my heart to express my gratitude once again.
Two of my friends came up to greet me.. The priest called up to ask if he could take a picture.. The one who had been giving the teaching called up..look..she is already wearing the dress. (I was wearing a long green dress) ...St Francis practical he announced. Everyone laughed...I took his words right into my heart..I was to live what I had heard in a practical way..day by day..moment to moment. I cried and laughed at the same time, put my shawl over my head.. They took a picture.
My friends held me as I walked away, feeling so blessed and humbled. We rejoined our main group..and I could not really speak..I was in reverence to what I had received. Bernie sat with us...he knew.. I touched his feet and said..I once prostrated to you in satsang...as I did today with st Francis..how could I ever have left. He said..you had to leave to come back deeper. Profound.
Later as I walked around the town of Assisi. I happened upon another statue of st Francis...he was standing beside a woman, holding her hand. It stopped me in my tracks and drew me closer...so a woman, SHE stood by this man, who was she? As I stood there...a few hands touched my back ..I turned round, and the same group of nuns from earlier were stood around me..chattering to me Italian. More tears, more touching of my heart to express my gratitude to them...so blessed. I later found out that the statue was of a woman known as st Clare..who gave up her personal life to work alongside st Francis..and he was the first to bring in a woman to lead a group of nuns...
The power of the transmission of that day went in so deep...I was only just about able to function... I barely ate and even my favourite food, pizza was barely tasted. Profundity indeed!
There was a satsang with Bernie that evening and this is what took place..I sat on the floor, sinking deeper and deeper...I no longer had any edges...when I tried to focus on an edge, my skin, another body, table...it blurred and disintegrated and I moved through it..and yet could see from all aspects...when someone spoke, it took me eons to orientate where the voice was originating from. My physical body was vibrating, I felt cold but burning a fire inside.
Bernie asked us to hold hands with our neighbour...I couldn't move...a millimetre felt like a thousand miles..when someone touched my hand...I didnt feel it as a separate hand...I was the seeming other.. no boundary existed. I breathed deep, and heard that voice calling for the next..more...a part of my self laughed...my god, this is never ending.
I was somehow aware that at the end of the satsang, forms were moving out of the room...I called for Bernie from within..he didnt come to me. So just breathed deep, and sank into this amazing expansiveness.
I was above my body, I was all..everything, every form...I could move outside of the room, I could listen in on conversations, energetically take part, move so freely and yet my physical body was stuck to the meditation stool. My body I knew needed water..and I saw water..I called for someone to bring me water...but that was, absurd...as I then became the water itself.. Everything was vibrating...one huge heart beat....and yet in the background a high pitch frequency...
I heard that voice again.
"..I am that. All Is in my self. The one self. Nothing is solid. I am that...all move within me, the container and I am that container.. Nothing and yet everything... Never ending."
I tried to move my physical body but it was not easy...it took tremendous energy to lift a finger. Eventually I was able to sit up, in the darkness I scribbled on my notepad the words I had heard/spoken. There were no words and yet with conscious reflection, I have been able to write more than than there is space here..truly vast.
Sometime in the night my roommate discovered I was not in bed..and came for me. I felt like a child..having to relearn everything about the physical body. She helped me back to the room..I am so grateful to my sister for caring for me that night.
I was completely changed....nothing was the same to me. Every cell had been changed.. My sisters ensured I was ok, that I ate a little and I gently integrated back to feeling something of my physical body. That voice though continued to ask for more...I was astonished at the vastness of it...in my heart share group all I could say was...you have no idea...this is vast...it really is never ending. Laughing at the cosmic joke..it changed my understanding of everything..absolutely everything.
My life is now given.. I will only serve that. Humanity needs to wake up, I have to take responsibility and serve life...inspired to facilitate transformation.
I have been asked to share through words, speaking from my heart in a real way... it is something that the ego self has resisted and I am now committed to speaking from the higher woman, SHE. Lisa has cried with the enormity and laughed at the simplicity of it...
I envisioned completing the book I have started...of this woman's journey through near death, meeting her teacher, master, lover, living of that. Of the realisations through the practice of The Form...so right now that is my focus.
So many realisations and growth following that night that I have no space on this blog for...realisation of how the ego self still tries its play..how seemingly others move and yet they are me, within me..such a matrix, a knowing from the depth of the higher woman and how SHE must share that regardless of how Lisa might resist.
Such grace..Truly blessed. But none of this is mine...it's whole purpose is to evolve humanity..for all.
This blog is changing..will change.. I am changed. When I look back at some of my previous writings, I see a much deeper understanding...when I hear Bernie speak, I am hearing from a vaster knowing. I can hardly keep up with what is unfolding...
Namaste
Lissy.x
ps.. a couple of pics for you..
Follow this link to find out more about Bernie Prior retreats.
.JPG)
Friday, 21 June 2013
Midsummers Day...Solstice blessings...
Seventeen years ago
tomorrow was my wedding day...when my partner of ten years and I exchanged vows and promised 'in
sickness and in health'...together forever.... The marriage didn't last..everything changed when I nearly
died..I had woken up..it was the death of the self..a knowing that I was not the body/mind......within eighteen months, the marriage was over...it was a conscious death.
From there, I devoted myself to a spiritual life...committed to living in love and truth, from the heart...met a spiritual master and began a very different way of life, surrendering my wants, needs..'my life'..a choiceless choice..amazing. That too transitioned...moving to begin living in the world as an ordinary human but in an extra ordinary way..
Exactly a year ago, a man claimed me...we exchanged some powerful statements and commitments... To love each other completely, utterley and without reservation. They felt like vows..they sounded like vows...truly meant in that moment. We were both shocked by the power we experienced..it was an energetic bond. That too has transitioned with much sadness ...but a knowing that what is meant to be is. really there is no separation from love...all is perfect!
Today, Midsummers Day, Solstice.. .half way through the year, time to pause and reflect, with appreciation and to cut ties and sever those hidden energetic cords. The past must be accepted and surrendered so that the new can come in.
Black Moon Lilith came in last week...I dont know much about astrology so if any of this is inaccurate, please forgive me...but I understand Lilith represents the repressed feminine in both genders. The angry goddess..declaring her right to 'feel'. Its a time to express these...but with love...not to suppress them. She came in last week and I have certainly been feeling the emotions and feelings of the 'repressed feminine' coming through my body. For the masculine around me, he has certainly been getting the brunt of this when he has been with me...its been a long time since I have felt such rage, snappiness, impatience....every time it came through..it shook me how venomous this woman could be. Thankfully, the masculine has not taken it too personally and stood by with patience and unconditional love. These emotions have softened in the last couple of days..I have nurtured myself, honoured myself, as I began an early moon time... but Lilith is around for quite a while yet.
Getting ready for the 'super' full moon on Sunday..looking forward to watching her rise over the hills. Ready to revitalise and re energise... beginning the second phase of 2013..I feel great trepidation. It would be wonderful to have clear skies...but She will be felt in any case.
Much to unfold over the next week or so.... heart felt callings to retreat have been heard, my operation is likely to be cancelled/postponed - the doctors and I are just going through the motions for a while longer, possibilities have been acknowledged...now it is all in the universe and I will see what manifests...
Namaste.x
PS! as I publish this blog..guess what comes up on my Itunes Shuffle - the song we played for our dance at our wedding! Still sounds good...embarrassingly! do I tell you what it was? I will whisper: "Because you loved me" by Celine Dion)
From there, I devoted myself to a spiritual life...committed to living in love and truth, from the heart...met a spiritual master and began a very different way of life, surrendering my wants, needs..'my life'..a choiceless choice..amazing. That too transitioned...moving to begin living in the world as an ordinary human but in an extra ordinary way..
Exactly a year ago, a man claimed me...we exchanged some powerful statements and commitments... To love each other completely, utterley and without reservation. They felt like vows..they sounded like vows...truly meant in that moment. We were both shocked by the power we experienced..it was an energetic bond. That too has transitioned with much sadness ...but a knowing that what is meant to be is. really there is no separation from love...all is perfect!
Today, Midsummers Day, Solstice.. .half way through the year, time to pause and reflect, with appreciation and to cut ties and sever those hidden energetic cords. The past must be accepted and surrendered so that the new can come in.
Black Moon Lilith came in last week...I dont know much about astrology so if any of this is inaccurate, please forgive me...but I understand Lilith represents the repressed feminine in both genders. The angry goddess..declaring her right to 'feel'. Its a time to express these...but with love...not to suppress them. She came in last week and I have certainly been feeling the emotions and feelings of the 'repressed feminine' coming through my body. For the masculine around me, he has certainly been getting the brunt of this when he has been with me...its been a long time since I have felt such rage, snappiness, impatience....every time it came through..it shook me how venomous this woman could be. Thankfully, the masculine has not taken it too personally and stood by with patience and unconditional love. These emotions have softened in the last couple of days..I have nurtured myself, honoured myself, as I began an early moon time... but Lilith is around for quite a while yet.
Getting ready for the 'super' full moon on Sunday..looking forward to watching her rise over the hills. Ready to revitalise and re energise... beginning the second phase of 2013..I feel great trepidation. It would be wonderful to have clear skies...but She will be felt in any case.
Much to unfold over the next week or so.... heart felt callings to retreat have been heard, my operation is likely to be cancelled/postponed - the doctors and I are just going through the motions for a while longer, possibilities have been acknowledged...now it is all in the universe and I will see what manifests...
Namaste.x
"Great love takes no
prisoners. Die to its expansive ferocity, or die within your resistance.
Let love's embrace burn you whole, or become karmic ash in love's
cosmic kiln. Resistance is fertile- when the heart door opens, jump on
in..." (Jeff Brown)
"There is a death in great love...whether it comes from within or from 'an other'.." (Bernie Prior)
PS! as I publish this blog..guess what comes up on my Itunes Shuffle - the song we played for our dance at our wedding! Still sounds good...embarrassingly! do I tell you what it was? I will whisper: "Because you loved me" by Celine Dion)
"I am everything I am because you loved me..."
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
A month flown by! Mayfly visits...
Wow...over a month since I last wrote a blog!
There has been much going on, moving and transforming..
Healthwise...my operation has been delayed and there is to be yet another discussion this week to see if I really need another date set.. I feel myself that my breathing has much improved and reluctant to go ahead..we will see.
What I do need to do is improve my fitness...so does my Milo, my dog! He's put on a little bit too much weight lately...so we are both on a 'get fit' campaign. I have been given a 'walking machine'..which has to be said, takes up much space in my little lounge..but it will be great to monitor my progress..so looking forward to getting started on that. I am also recruiting some 'doggie play mates' for Milo and a walker to get him out there running..and we had a great walk yesterday along the Worcestershire Way, near to our home. This was a taster of the type of walk we used to do, before I got too poorly to walk far, it was amazing...new smells and sights for both of us. You can see how chuffed Milo is from these pics!
My little garden has been revamped...everything changed around...fresh compost in every pot, new plants potted...ornaments shifted, fairy lights entwined for dusk...felt great...will post pics when they start to flourish..
Its been a month of more music, gigs, beaches, new friends, old friends.. Amazing really.
Yesterday as I completed an email and let go of a situation which was no longer serving anyone, a Mayfly came and landed on my left breast..it stayed there whilst I checked my words and hit the send button..and then it flew back out of the open door. Life is way to short to mess around...playing games.. The Mayfly was a beautiful reminder..it was beautiful...freedom in its leaving...knowing it only has one day to live. :)
Meaning of Mayfly: "Mastery of life on the move. Transformation whilst moving. Living in the moment. Ability to escape a blow. Breaking illusions"
Perfect!
XX
There has been much going on, moving and transforming..
Healthwise...my operation has been delayed and there is to be yet another discussion this week to see if I really need another date set.. I feel myself that my breathing has much improved and reluctant to go ahead..we will see.
What I do need to do is improve my fitness...so does my Milo, my dog! He's put on a little bit too much weight lately...so we are both on a 'get fit' campaign. I have been given a 'walking machine'..which has to be said, takes up much space in my little lounge..but it will be great to monitor my progress..so looking forward to getting started on that. I am also recruiting some 'doggie play mates' for Milo and a walker to get him out there running..and we had a great walk yesterday along the Worcestershire Way, near to our home. This was a taster of the type of walk we used to do, before I got too poorly to walk far, it was amazing...new smells and sights for both of us. You can see how chuffed Milo is from these pics!
My little garden has been revamped...everything changed around...fresh compost in every pot, new plants potted...ornaments shifted, fairy lights entwined for dusk...felt great...will post pics when they start to flourish..
Its been a month of more music, gigs, beaches, new friends, old friends.. Amazing really.
Yesterday as I completed an email and let go of a situation which was no longer serving anyone, a Mayfly came and landed on my left breast..it stayed there whilst I checked my words and hit the send button..and then it flew back out of the open door. Life is way to short to mess around...playing games.. The Mayfly was a beautiful reminder..it was beautiful...freedom in its leaving...knowing it only has one day to live. :)
Meaning of Mayfly: "Mastery of life on the move. Transformation whilst moving. Living in the moment. Ability to escape a blow. Breaking illusions"
Perfect!
XX
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Magical Isle of Wight...Wonder filled Music...
Something magical happened over the weekend.. I travelled over to
the Isle of Wight with two very wonderful
musicians/singer/songwriters... My first time in the Isle of of Wight and I am
not sure whether it was the magic of the Isle, the music or the combination that I found so healing...
On the second gig, I sat and listened to a soundcheck and then the main
performance...it seemed that I was being touched by every note, every sound,
every vocal, every key on the piano..deeply. The resonance I felt in my
body was sometimes overwhelming...tears of sheer bliss would overcome me.
Deborah's voice had a quality to it that was so deep and it seemed to
vibrate every cell in my body. Martin on piano was totally immersed..I could
feel his devotion to his gift. The combination of them both and the
history/energy of the buildings they performed in seemed to gel together so perfectly.
I have had a few sound healing sessions and this was a similar experience...it
was emotional..there was a sense that I was listening to and experiencing
magic..a piece of history in the making. I felt privileged to be present
in the room, to be a part of it, to witness it. I was conscious of not holding on to
each moment but truly relishing every delicious moment..
I was not the only one to feel this...a couple of people from the
audience were in awe of what they had experienced also. Sublime. I went to bed after their final performance feeling intoxicated with joy, gratitude and appreciation.
The following morning I woke up in love...I actually said out loud..
"I am in love".. and then stopped and thought..but who with?
what with?... Life of course...it shouted within me..a joy for life..in
love with life! It really felt like I had been making love
physically all night.. I had gone to bed with joy, gratitude and
appreciation and woke up with the same vibration..my body vibrating with bliss.
I love music, love sound..love any
sound that resonates with my body, my cells, my spirit. When it happens, I soar..every cell vibrates
with bliss and my heart sings in joy.
Namaste to all musicians, singers, songwriters, composers....who are following their
lifes’ purpose and sharing their gift with the world... I love to support you in any way I can..
ps. I have typed this blog entry whilst having to be bed-rested because of a sprained ankle! It certainly feels like I am being asked to be still, to integrate at the moment..
Thursday, 25 April 2013
Namaste to all birthing goddesses who serve humanity so beautifully!
Have not written a blog for a few weeks now.. have been enjoying the very much stalling Spring as and when the sun makes an appearance! Its been bliss being able to be on my swing seat in the garden watching nature begin to stir, lambs playing on the hill and tidying up around the farm where I live in time for the tourist season.
I have been trying to increase my fitness by walking my dog for longer...although this has become problematic as my dog has become so nervous of every single noise around....gunshots - fair enough..but now cars on the cattle grid, garden gates slamming, even a couple of red kites circling above! This has encouraged me to go further afield and go to new places with him so all good.
My life has been moving so fast...everything changing daily..all wonderful...hard for my friends to keep up with developments! However... a couple of things from the past couple of days....
Once I had decided to go ahead with a second surgery on my trachea, all plans were in place for my operation at the end of May...hotels, transport, dog sitter, pre op tests, after care and today I was tidying up all the letters from the hospital and I just had a gut feeling to ring. I rang, and they were just typing a letter to me to cancel it until July! My surgeon is now unable to operate during May. Hmmm...interesting...gives me more time to do more energy work, look at the couple of other alternatives so I wasnt upset! The guy on the end of the phone thanked me for not shouting at him etc...I laughed and said..no worries...there is little point in shouting at you..you cant change it anyhow!
To be honest, on my walk this morning I was thinking that my breathing had stabalised somewhat...yes I still get out of breath going uphill...but I have had worse. I was having the feeling that this surgery wasnt necessary at this point. This delay has given me more motivation to pursue the couple of new leads I have and to take action..right thought...
On another note....
Yesterday a beautiful sister of mine gave birth to her third child down under in Australia...She had posted a picture of her very full tummy the day before and she looked so happy and divine. When I read that she had given birth to a baby boy, so content I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Mother..and for this Mother serving humanity, evolution, for us all in this beautiful, natural way. With that was the bittersweet tinge of sadness for the loss of my babies and the 'void' that I feel sometimes...however..the gratitude and joy that I experienced as well.. through feeling through this sister was stronger...it was almost as if I had experienced birth with her.
Later that day I was in the hairdresser and they were all talking about fertility, birth, miscarriages etc..and I welled up..knowing that within a few moments I would be asked that question... my wonderful hairdresser spotted me and said "I promise you will be ok...you will love what I am about to do!"..which made me laugh as he didnt know I was being touched by something else. My hair was amazing...worthy of tears of delight!
Last night some children that had been in my life until fairly recently got in touch through video/skype....a wonderful surprise..heart warming to see children in their innocence, talking about 'nonsense'...but hearing and feeling their love.
Whilst writing this blog, that beautiful Aussie mamma has just posted some pics of her birth and new baby son... intense, primal, natural, earthy, divine, serving all,...birthing goddess! I am so grateful to you sister! Love thee for your beauty and service...
Namaste
X
ps.. dont forget moon eclipse tonight..and full moon! I will be honouring the moment in the hot tub!
I have been trying to increase my fitness by walking my dog for longer...although this has become problematic as my dog has become so nervous of every single noise around....gunshots - fair enough..but now cars on the cattle grid, garden gates slamming, even a couple of red kites circling above! This has encouraged me to go further afield and go to new places with him so all good.
My life has been moving so fast...everything changing daily..all wonderful...hard for my friends to keep up with developments! However... a couple of things from the past couple of days....
Once I had decided to go ahead with a second surgery on my trachea, all plans were in place for my operation at the end of May...hotels, transport, dog sitter, pre op tests, after care and today I was tidying up all the letters from the hospital and I just had a gut feeling to ring. I rang, and they were just typing a letter to me to cancel it until July! My surgeon is now unable to operate during May. Hmmm...interesting...gives me more time to do more energy work, look at the couple of other alternatives so I wasnt upset! The guy on the end of the phone thanked me for not shouting at him etc...I laughed and said..no worries...there is little point in shouting at you..you cant change it anyhow!
To be honest, on my walk this morning I was thinking that my breathing had stabalised somewhat...yes I still get out of breath going uphill...but I have had worse. I was having the feeling that this surgery wasnt necessary at this point. This delay has given me more motivation to pursue the couple of new leads I have and to take action..right thought...
On another note....
Yesterday a beautiful sister of mine gave birth to her third child down under in Australia...She had posted a picture of her very full tummy the day before and she looked so happy and divine. When I read that she had given birth to a baby boy, so content I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Mother..and for this Mother serving humanity, evolution, for us all in this beautiful, natural way. With that was the bittersweet tinge of sadness for the loss of my babies and the 'void' that I feel sometimes...however..the gratitude and joy that I experienced as well.. through feeling through this sister was stronger...it was almost as if I had experienced birth with her.
Later that day I was in the hairdresser and they were all talking about fertility, birth, miscarriages etc..and I welled up..knowing that within a few moments I would be asked that question... my wonderful hairdresser spotted me and said "I promise you will be ok...you will love what I am about to do!"..which made me laugh as he didnt know I was being touched by something else. My hair was amazing...worthy of tears of delight!
Last night some children that had been in my life until fairly recently got in touch through video/skype....a wonderful surprise..heart warming to see children in their innocence, talking about 'nonsense'...but hearing and feeling their love.
Whilst writing this blog, that beautiful Aussie mamma has just posted some pics of her birth and new baby son... intense, primal, natural, earthy, divine, serving all,...birthing goddess! I am so grateful to you sister! Love thee for your beauty and service...
Namaste
X
ps.. dont forget moon eclipse tonight..and full moon! I will be honouring the moment in the hot tub!
Monday, 1 April 2013
Awesome London Weekend...Magical Meetings..
Powerful and magical weekend..with my wonderful friend and singer/songwriter Deborah Rose at the Southbank Festival in London.
I was sat to the edge of the stage..looking out to the River Thames and watching people walk by the stage..some stopping for a while before moving on with their journey..
Lots moving for me..in my mind, heart and body. I noticed the time of Big Ben at just before quarter past one...Deb started her set and it seemed as though angels descended and were circulating around that tiny bit of London. I watched the people that had stopped to listen. A sea of faces smiling, laughing, chatting, tapping of feet, jigging and singing. I felt privileged to be sat where I was..to see them acknowledge the gift that was being shared...
There seemed to be so many greetings and meetings in that one hour..planned meetings to eat lunch or have a drink, strangers standing side by side, laughing and singing along, friends in groups a little bit tipsy..chattering, laughing and raising their plastic beer cups to Debs, tourists walking past with their video cameras, taking shots of it all..
One guy even rang his family back home, I think in Romania, to say listen..and held his mobile up to the speaker for the entire show!
A little girl with her dad came by...wrapped up all in pink - cosy from the wind.. she looked up to the stage with awe...she let go of her dads hand, he came to talk to me allowing her the safe space to observe.. She stood in front of the stage, rocked a bit in time with the music..a bit unsteady on her feet but all the time staring right at Debs..then you saw she became self-conscious and ran back to her dad. That made my lip quiver...but I bit it, looked to the side and a lady caught my eye..she mouthed..you ok? Knowing if I acknowledged this emotion, that I wouldnt be able to hold it in..I nodded and smiled... took a big gulp of tea and looked back at the crowd.
At that point I realised that I was witnessing something magical about this whole scene..everyone and everything seemed to be orchestrated by some angelic or divine energy...
A London gent walked in front of the crowd, smartly dressed in a grey suit, floral lilac waistcoat and trimmed hat.. He was so distinguished, his grey hair tied back in the tiniest of neat pony tail....he stopped right in front of the stage and stared at Deb with a smile...as he walked on with his journey..he tipped his hat to her in appreciation...made me smile!
A young girl..budding singer/musician herself stayed for ages listening and closely watching the chords being played..the tones..her dad encouraging her to come and ask me for some information. He gave her the money for a cd and she asked Deb for her signature.. She held onto it so preciously..asking me for a bag so that she could protect it from being spoiled..
The last song.."Somewhere over the Rainbow"..many more stopped to listen and in the middle of the whole scene a couple started to kiss passionately. They kissed lovingly to the chorus...I realised that they were creating a memory..right there and then....how magical to witness.
Then, in front of them, two guys came from either side of the crowd.. stepped into the middle with arms outstretched in greeting.. they met each other in front of Deb, they hugged and were so happy to have met each other unexpectedly. It felt so warm inside of me to see these two "cool" looking guys showing each other such tender brotherly love..
Whoops, claps and cheers as the music finished.
A while ago now at another gig, I was told that I looked "proud" of my friend..I thought that that was an odd word to use...and dismissed it. However, yesterday I saw that yes I was..I acknowledge that i am proud of my best friend, my sister, sharing her gift, honoured and humbled to be able to support and share the space for such profound meetings.
In amongst all that was in that hour..I had so much emotion running through me connected to my own life at that time....but I held it together and it was later when Debs and I shared what we had witnessed that afternoon..the tears came..of sadness, joy, anticipation and wonder of it all! Life really does flow magically.
As an aside, this whole weekend astrologically was a powerful one...there were many planets at 11degrees (to what I dont know) yesterday (Sunday)... I certainly felt that we were all taking part in something that wasnt entirely within our control.
I was sat to the edge of the stage..looking out to the River Thames and watching people walk by the stage..some stopping for a while before moving on with their journey..
Lots moving for me..in my mind, heart and body. I noticed the time of Big Ben at just before quarter past one...Deb started her set and it seemed as though angels descended and were circulating around that tiny bit of London. I watched the people that had stopped to listen. A sea of faces smiling, laughing, chatting, tapping of feet, jigging and singing. I felt privileged to be sat where I was..to see them acknowledge the gift that was being shared...
There seemed to be so many greetings and meetings in that one hour..planned meetings to eat lunch or have a drink, strangers standing side by side, laughing and singing along, friends in groups a little bit tipsy..chattering, laughing and raising their plastic beer cups to Debs, tourists walking past with their video cameras, taking shots of it all..
One guy even rang his family back home, I think in Romania, to say listen..and held his mobile up to the speaker for the entire show!
A little girl with her dad came by...wrapped up all in pink - cosy from the wind.. she looked up to the stage with awe...she let go of her dads hand, he came to talk to me allowing her the safe space to observe.. She stood in front of the stage, rocked a bit in time with the music..a bit unsteady on her feet but all the time staring right at Debs..then you saw she became self-conscious and ran back to her dad. That made my lip quiver...but I bit it, looked to the side and a lady caught my eye..she mouthed..you ok? Knowing if I acknowledged this emotion, that I wouldnt be able to hold it in..I nodded and smiled... took a big gulp of tea and looked back at the crowd.
At that point I realised that I was witnessing something magical about this whole scene..everyone and everything seemed to be orchestrated by some angelic or divine energy...
A London gent walked in front of the crowd, smartly dressed in a grey suit, floral lilac waistcoat and trimmed hat.. He was so distinguished, his grey hair tied back in the tiniest of neat pony tail....he stopped right in front of the stage and stared at Deb with a smile...as he walked on with his journey..he tipped his hat to her in appreciation...made me smile!
A young girl..budding singer/musician herself stayed for ages listening and closely watching the chords being played..the tones..her dad encouraging her to come and ask me for some information. He gave her the money for a cd and she asked Deb for her signature.. She held onto it so preciously..asking me for a bag so that she could protect it from being spoiled..
The last song.."Somewhere over the Rainbow"..many more stopped to listen and in the middle of the whole scene a couple started to kiss passionately. They kissed lovingly to the chorus...I realised that they were creating a memory..right there and then....how magical to witness.
Then, in front of them, two guys came from either side of the crowd.. stepped into the middle with arms outstretched in greeting.. they met each other in front of Deb, they hugged and were so happy to have met each other unexpectedly. It felt so warm inside of me to see these two "cool" looking guys showing each other such tender brotherly love..
Whoops, claps and cheers as the music finished.
A while ago now at another gig, I was told that I looked "proud" of my friend..I thought that that was an odd word to use...and dismissed it. However, yesterday I saw that yes I was..I acknowledge that i am proud of my best friend, my sister, sharing her gift, honoured and humbled to be able to support and share the space for such profound meetings.
In amongst all that was in that hour..I had so much emotion running through me connected to my own life at that time....but I held it together and it was later when Debs and I shared what we had witnessed that afternoon..the tears came..of sadness, joy, anticipation and wonder of it all! Life really does flow magically.
As an aside, this whole weekend astrologically was a powerful one...there were many planets at 11degrees (to what I dont know) yesterday (Sunday)... I certainly felt that we were all taking part in something that wasnt entirely within our control.
Wednesday, 20 February 2013
A Journey of Woman: Flow of life...Surrender!
A Journey of Woman: Flow of life...Surrender!: Many years ago I was at a retreat... Not sure which country now but I do remember there was a stream nearby... It was ...
Monday, 21 January 2013
Cocoon anniversary....
A year ago today, I was preparing my cocoon room..ready to hibernate for a few months..preparing for surgery..self healing, reflection and meditation. Putting together all the tools, teachings, theories etc to develop my own way of working, being in this world.
What followed was successful surgery, recovery, new relationship, deepening friendships and an on-going learning to accept and live with a chronic illness. Much inner learning, growth and transformation...apart from one thing...I have not put into action the ideas, projects that came to me during that time...
So...apparently Pluto is entering a significant period of my chart until the end of 2014...I really need to take this opportunity to put things into action...
Watch this space...
X
Sunday, 6 January 2013
Life..memories...grief... Unexpected reminders..
Earlier I had a moment.... My ex partner put up pictures of himself with his baby son etc... Now I have nothing but love for him and his partner...we all get on brilliantly. I have cuddled the baby as well...no issue...
And yet today, when I saw the pictures on my Facebook newsfeed, tears come from beneath... I couldn't stop them.. I kept thinking about the babies we lost together... They would be around 4, 5 or 6 now...
I realised that it is unlikely that I will ever get called mum... There will no eager child running to me after their school day...No son or daughter looking out for me when I am older.. I will never get to breast feed or have the experience of birth.
Then I remembered that I have looked after many children, right from when I was at school myself right the way through the years. I have been blessed to have changed nappies, toilet train, dress, feed etc...I have done the school runs, nursery pickups...gone to football matches..washed dirty clothes (after picking the up off the floor! Lol ), gone through the choosing of the right school, gone to parent /teacher evenings.... Cuddled a child to sleep, read bedtime stories, sang and played etc. BUT in all that 'mothering'..never was I called mum...never could I look at a little face, and recognise bits of me in the reflection. :(
So..my last blog was talking about maybe not having the energy for a family...and now I grieve the family that I nearly had myself. It's all mixed up with stepping into the family of my partner, my grief of losing babies, my age and hormones and this wonderful Relapsing Polychondritis and the medications that goes with it....ugh!
I 'liked' the pictures on Facebook...with love and gratitude for the growth, maturity and love I see in that man...for our sharing of so many things over the years, our travels worldwide, our experiences and the little ones that we never got to hold physically.
You know what happened next? I was looking out of the window at the view of the river and fields...and a little girl started to shout my name out...tying to find me in the house.. Eventually, she came into the bedroom and found me crying... She came onto the bed and cuddled me...she kissed me and tried to cheer me up with her funny ways. Beautiful and sensitive young woman...I felt the nurturing of the sisterhood coming through this tiny body...
....and then, she asked if I would get her something to eat! :). As I prepared her a snack, she was doing her homework and shouted out a couple of times with queries.. That made me smile!
And as I just finished typing, and about to publish...a little boy comes in...takes a look at my circling angel chimes, runs out saying 'love you Lisa'. Xx
Life! I am so blessed really....
Namaste
X
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