I am blessed...
There is sickness, there are broken bones... I am not sick nor am I broken!
I watched milo, my faithful dog being walked by his adoptive mama/walker across the fields on the downs.. I sat on a bench under a majestic oak tree, dappled sun, amazing views of the hills. As I watched them ramble away, I caught my mind saying "ugh'. Can't remember when I could go on such a ramble with milo"......
I Stopped because I realised there was a smile coming through my body, there was a joy...I knew that milo was loving his freedom, he was all smiley and bouncy, his adoptive mama was enjoying his company and I was feeling it all...sat on my bench under the tree. I had tears of joy, gratefulness and happiness that I could cultivate this joy out of this situation, 'this current bowl' I had been given ...instead of feeling sadness at some misguided thinking I was missing out, nonsense, I could feel their joy, I am part of it, we are all connected. Truly blessed.
My body sang with it.. I finished the book I had taken with me, I managed to cross my one good leg in "lotus' position, and I gazed at the flowers, the insects and the clouds.
Truly blessed and grateful for those that surround me, love me, support me. :).
Namaste
Lissy
Ps... The book I had been reading is "how to be sick" by Toni Bernhard. I recommend this for anyone with any illness, chronic condition! Amazing insights in there.... :).
Tuesday, 1 July 2014
Thursday, 26 June 2014
A Journey of Woman: Neglected Blogging... Hello!
A Journey of Woman: Neglected Blogging... Hello!: Hello! Well I lay down with my laptop about to final edit my book...but was drawn to write a blog post instead. I have neglected my bl...
Neglected Blogging... Hello!
Hello!
Well I lay down with my laptop about to final edit my book...but was
drawn to write a blog post instead. I have neglected my blog for a few
months..there has been so much transforming and happening that I
couldn't keep up with what was occurring to write about it.
Now though, I am house bounded again, this time with a broken foot..yes the health and bodily stuff continues for me! I was just about recovering from a DVt, beginning to get fit again and I tripped over some broken concrete...been hobbling around for two weeks before I got x rayed and discovery of broken bone! I laughed! Seriously!?!
For those that follow my Facebook page, you will know that I have had random visits from pigeons wrecking my lounge, a lightening strike in my cottage that knocked out my router, a continuous bleed from my womb which resembled a horror movie massacre at times..also beautiful gatherings of friends for well dressings, birthdays and profound sharing retreats at my place. Another piece of past, part of history being let go of...the off grid chalet where I had many wonderful memories as well as grief for our lost babies..may the energy of the chalet garden continue to touch and give peace to those who visit. (Picture of Chalet Garden with gift of flowers layed when I left for the last time)
This has been a time of acceptance that I have no control over anything.. that I have to be who I AM.. and not be concerned with what others think about me. This has been challenging when it comes to potential intimate relationships, friendships, family and people that enter 'my' life. I hardly sleep yet I am fully awake! It truly is time to put my head up, stand tall (albeit with crutches!) and follow up my knowing.
Everytime I have tried to edit the book or write something, the power has gone, my laptop has died and instead I have been laying in my garden looking at the birds and the clouds. I have been reading an amazing book called "how to be sick".. Written by someone with auto immune disease.. She shares much of the same philosophies as I do..truly inspiring and worth a read.
I also discovered an American tv series called 'under the dome' , based on a Stephen king novel (please no one tell me what happens!). It's got me hooked as it intrigues me with the sci fi aspects and effects and towards the end of series one, there is the birth of a single Monarchy Butterfly.. It flutters around the key characters in the story. So beautiful and a powerful. It's a message of transformation for those living under the dome.
Reminded me of the butterflies I greeted in Tuscany last year, sleeping in Room 11, The Butterfly room, of the butterfly that flew around my legs as I was speaking in a heart share group and then flew from under my skirt.... This summer, I have planted a pot of nasternums next to my Buddha..especially for the butterflies to lay their eggs...giving the caterpillars nourishment when they hatch. This afternoon I noticed that the front of the book 'how to be sick' also has a butterfly on it.
It is time to care for my cocoon once more...refresh, renew, nourish and transform...
Now though, I am house bounded again, this time with a broken foot..yes the health and bodily stuff continues for me! I was just about recovering from a DVt, beginning to get fit again and I tripped over some broken concrete...been hobbling around for two weeks before I got x rayed and discovery of broken bone! I laughed! Seriously!?!
For those that follow my Facebook page, you will know that I have had random visits from pigeons wrecking my lounge, a lightening strike in my cottage that knocked out my router, a continuous bleed from my womb which resembled a horror movie massacre at times..also beautiful gatherings of friends for well dressings, birthdays and profound sharing retreats at my place. Another piece of past, part of history being let go of...the off grid chalet where I had many wonderful memories as well as grief for our lost babies..may the energy of the chalet garden continue to touch and give peace to those who visit. (Picture of Chalet Garden with gift of flowers layed when I left for the last time)
This has been a time of acceptance that I have no control over anything.. that I have to be who I AM.. and not be concerned with what others think about me. This has been challenging when it comes to potential intimate relationships, friendships, family and people that enter 'my' life. I hardly sleep yet I am fully awake! It truly is time to put my head up, stand tall (albeit with crutches!) and follow up my knowing.
Everytime I have tried to edit the book or write something, the power has gone, my laptop has died and instead I have been laying in my garden looking at the birds and the clouds. I have been reading an amazing book called "how to be sick".. Written by someone with auto immune disease.. She shares much of the same philosophies as I do..truly inspiring and worth a read.
I also discovered an American tv series called 'under the dome' , based on a Stephen king novel (please no one tell me what happens!). It's got me hooked as it intrigues me with the sci fi aspects and effects and towards the end of series one, there is the birth of a single Monarchy Butterfly.. It flutters around the key characters in the story. So beautiful and a powerful. It's a message of transformation for those living under the dome.
Reminded me of the butterflies I greeted in Tuscany last year, sleeping in Room 11, The Butterfly room, of the butterfly that flew around my legs as I was speaking in a heart share group and then flew from under my skirt.... This summer, I have planted a pot of nasternums next to my Buddha..especially for the butterflies to lay their eggs...giving the caterpillars nourishment when they hatch. This afternoon I noticed that the front of the book 'how to be sick' also has a butterfly on it.
It is time to care for my cocoon once more...refresh, renew, nourish and transform...
I
will be returning to Tuscany in a couple of weeks.
Namaste
X
Namaste
X
Sent from my iPad
Tuesday, 4 March 2014
A Journey of Woman: Where did February go??
A Journey of Woman: Where did February go??: It's been quite a couple of months...February seems to have gone by in a blur. Blood clots developed into a DVT and I also have anaemi...
Where did February go??
It's been quite a couple of months...February seems to have gone by in a
blur. Blood clots developed into a DVT and I also have anaemia and
other deficiencies now diagnosed. All that means more Meds added to my
daily regime. I have been housebound with lots of visits to doctors and
hospital for some pretty grim tests and procedures. Have had amazing
support from friends and family..for them I am grateful.
In amongst that, emotionally things have been tough as well... I attended my youngest sister's funeral last week. She had been battling cancer for a long time. The thing is I didn't really know Nicola. I was adopted and I didn't meet her until I searched out my birth mother when I was eighteen. Right back then, when I first met Nicola and our middle sister Lynsey, it was a surprise to find out that they had always known about me, were eager to get to know me. They were both at school at the time, I was in my first job..it was all a bit overwhelming to me to suddenly inherit a new family, sisters, grand mother...aunties, uncles, and cousins that I resembled physically and who knew all about me.
Through the years I have seen them grow up, have families of their own, look out for each other and they have welcomed me with open heart and love whenever we have got together..which sadly I feel now, was not often enough. These last few weeks, I have been unable to visit Nicola due to my own ill health but at least we did get to speak on the telephone briefly a few days before she passed.
It all felt a bit surreal...not being part of the family as such, but deeply feeling that blood connection. My old self stuff of not being wanted, feeling left out, even guilty and had feelings that it should have been me...which is purely selfish...I recognised that. At the end, her passing was peaceful and surrounded by all who have been part of her life and loved her...she is no longer suffering and in pain. There is no separation...she will always be part of me and in my heart.
And for my other sister, Lynsey, whilst I can never replace the bond she has with Nicola...I will be here as 'big sis' whenever she needs.. And for our mother..I am not going anywhere..
On death...and living...
A few weeks ago, when it was thought I might have an embolism as well, there was an evening when I was in a lot of pain, I had an infection, fever, breathlessness and hallucinations. I could hear my heart beat..the one heart beat..and that familiar beat of 'om' ringing.
I knew I was experiencing another full circle.. it had been a blood clot that almost killed me many years ago...it was that that woke me up, changed my life... In that moment, 17 yrs ago, I was not afraid of death..I was surrendering to dying...I was willing to go, even with my family around me pleading otherwise..
That particular evening however, I felt vulnerable in a different way, I was on my own, no family around me pulling me back, ..there were tears..when the hallucinations began, I brought myself back, I wouldn't stay with any fear...
It was not a fear of dying, but of the sadness that I may not LIVE!
Get the difference?
This is what I wrote following that night..
"I want to fulfil my purpose....i want to live fully... I am called to serve humanity... I know who I am, I know beyond this body mind experience and I surrender ever deeper to allowing this body to do its will.... For whatever transpires is the perfect journey!
I yet again have to gently move my self and it's 'wants' out of the way!"
After what happened with Nicola, that experience becomes even more poignant to me..
Ready for my new stage in life to start! :)
In amongst that, emotionally things have been tough as well... I attended my youngest sister's funeral last week. She had been battling cancer for a long time. The thing is I didn't really know Nicola. I was adopted and I didn't meet her until I searched out my birth mother when I was eighteen. Right back then, when I first met Nicola and our middle sister Lynsey, it was a surprise to find out that they had always known about me, were eager to get to know me. They were both at school at the time, I was in my first job..it was all a bit overwhelming to me to suddenly inherit a new family, sisters, grand mother...aunties, uncles, and cousins that I resembled physically and who knew all about me.
Through the years I have seen them grow up, have families of their own, look out for each other and they have welcomed me with open heart and love whenever we have got together..which sadly I feel now, was not often enough. These last few weeks, I have been unable to visit Nicola due to my own ill health but at least we did get to speak on the telephone briefly a few days before she passed.
It all felt a bit surreal...not being part of the family as such, but deeply feeling that blood connection. My old self stuff of not being wanted, feeling left out, even guilty and had feelings that it should have been me...which is purely selfish...I recognised that. At the end, her passing was peaceful and surrounded by all who have been part of her life and loved her...she is no longer suffering and in pain. There is no separation...she will always be part of me and in my heart.
And for my other sister, Lynsey, whilst I can never replace the bond she has with Nicola...I will be here as 'big sis' whenever she needs.. And for our mother..I am not going anywhere..
On death...and living...
A few weeks ago, when it was thought I might have an embolism as well, there was an evening when I was in a lot of pain, I had an infection, fever, breathlessness and hallucinations. I could hear my heart beat..the one heart beat..and that familiar beat of 'om' ringing.
I knew I was experiencing another full circle.. it had been a blood clot that almost killed me many years ago...it was that that woke me up, changed my life... In that moment, 17 yrs ago, I was not afraid of death..I was surrendering to dying...I was willing to go, even with my family around me pleading otherwise..
That particular evening however, I felt vulnerable in a different way, I was on my own, no family around me pulling me back, ..there were tears..when the hallucinations began, I brought myself back, I wouldn't stay with any fear...
It was not a fear of dying, but of the sadness that I may not LIVE!
Get the difference?
This is what I wrote following that night..
"I want to fulfil my purpose....i want to live fully... I am called to serve humanity... I know who I am, I know beyond this body mind experience and I surrender ever deeper to allowing this body to do its will.... For whatever transpires is the perfect journey!
I yet again have to gently move my self and it's 'wants' out of the way!"
After what happened with Nicola, that experience becomes even more poignant to me..
Ready for my new stage in life to start! :)
Thursday, 16 January 2014
A Journey of Woman: Past coming round..completions.. Rural retreats!
A Journey of Woman: Past coming round..completions.. Rural retreats!: First Full Moon of the year! and my, cant we feel it! First blog of the year... much has transitioned since my last entry. Visitors and f...
Past coming round..completions.. Rural retreats!
First Full Moon of the year! and my, cant we feel it! First blog of the year... much has transitioned since my last entry. Visitors and friends have now all left after festivities and birthday, clots dissolved and lurghies disappeared! The New is coming in and there is an optimism surrounding everything...acceptance of what cannot be changed and continued loving of all that is...
Its been a weird old week for me and today I have been hibernating, meditating, writing and reflecting..
Last week I helped out a friend in a demonstration of 'biodanza' for a local Womens' Institute Group..lovely to see how he could command a room of 60 women, aged from their fifties upwards in moving and feeling in ways they had never done before. Many were nervous of looking into each others' eyes, moving with freedom, moving to the different music being played...ALL were beautiful! A few were touched by it as I was and there were tears of recognition of sisterhood and love.
Last weekend, I bumped into my ex hubby..we haven't seen each other for some fifteen years. For what seems like minutes, there was nothing to say..we just looked into each others eyes. When words were spoken it was loving and with a recognition of the journey we have both taken since our separation. A bit surreal to see how his body has changed, hair turned grey and yet his eyes were still as smiley and sparkly as ever they were! After a while, we hugged and said goodbye, he spoke of how great I looked..warmed me with his tenderness.
Then as I was waiting to meet someone in town a few days later, I watched a familiar face walk past me in the street...it was an old friend from when I was married....again, I hadn't seen him for over fifteen years either. Disbelief that it had really been that long since we had all got together as a group of friends, a catch up and again a tender goodbye and wish to be remembered to the others.
Surreal and yet it felt like there was some completion of yet another circle from my past. Out of all the sadness, grief and bitterness surrounding our separation..years later an acknowledgement of love that was always underneath it all. We had been a big part of each of our 'growing up' in life...
A week of action in amongst reflection. My book is nearing the top of my pile to complete and send off (I know said it before!)...and I have now set a date for me to hold the space for a rural retreat. Details of which follow if any of you are interested...lets see how it manifests!
Namaste
Lissy
X
For further details, please message me via Facebook or email me at :
Its been a weird old week for me and today I have been hibernating, meditating, writing and reflecting..
Last week I helped out a friend in a demonstration of 'biodanza' for a local Womens' Institute Group..lovely to see how he could command a room of 60 women, aged from their fifties upwards in moving and feeling in ways they had never done before. Many were nervous of looking into each others' eyes, moving with freedom, moving to the different music being played...ALL were beautiful! A few were touched by it as I was and there were tears of recognition of sisterhood and love.
Last weekend, I bumped into my ex hubby..we haven't seen each other for some fifteen years. For what seems like minutes, there was nothing to say..we just looked into each others eyes. When words were spoken it was loving and with a recognition of the journey we have both taken since our separation. A bit surreal to see how his body has changed, hair turned grey and yet his eyes were still as smiley and sparkly as ever they were! After a while, we hugged and said goodbye, he spoke of how great I looked..warmed me with his tenderness.
Then as I was waiting to meet someone in town a few days later, I watched a familiar face walk past me in the street...it was an old friend from when I was married....again, I hadn't seen him for over fifteen years either. Disbelief that it had really been that long since we had all got together as a group of friends, a catch up and again a tender goodbye and wish to be remembered to the others.
Surreal and yet it felt like there was some completion of yet another circle from my past. Out of all the sadness, grief and bitterness surrounding our separation..years later an acknowledgement of love that was always underneath it all. We had been a big part of each of our 'growing up' in life...
A week of action in amongst reflection. My book is nearing the top of my pile to complete and send off (I know said it before!)...and I have now set a date for me to hold the space for a rural retreat. Details of which follow if any of you are interested...lets see how it manifests!
Namaste
Lissy
X
Come and Join me in a beautiful location in The Teme Valley to learn or deepen in the movement
The Form is a profound instrument of awakening.
Uniquely, it can be practiced alone or shared with another.
Saturday 1st March - Sunday 2nd March - Parts 1 & 2
Monday 3rd March - Tuesday 4th March - Parts 3 & 4
(Parts 1/2 and 3/4 can be taken separately for those only able to attend at the weekend)
Why not immerse yourself in the experience and attend on a residential
basis. Four star accommodation with access to a sauna, hot tub and
therapy room available.
"Begin to see how Source as the "Real You" moves, how the Mystery unfolds and bring this alive
in every moment!"
For further details, please message me via Facebook or email me at :
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