It’s been so so long since I last wrote... so many
transitions, realisations that I have not shared... Mainly due to my desire to maintain integrity
in my intimate relationship..which is now over.
I had to sit and take a look at how and why I write this
blog again...I have written a couple of different versions over the last day or
so...re-written and now deleted. However, there is no need to write about what has occurred, the past, my projections , thoughts, emotions or feelings. All egoic and does not serve any purpose in the here and now.
I have completely given up, let go, put down my weapons and
the fight for some seeming fairness and
justice, need to be heard – I now surrender to the play of life! Knowing it it isn’t real – nothing is as it
seems. I love Thee..you know who you
are, I love the Beloved, I love dearly all the characters that have played a
part in the play....and whilst the play continues, I will now endeavour to just
BE....and love love love.
This blog is about MY JOURNEY... Throughout all this
transition, I have come to see that I now
need to return to fulfilling my soul purpose.. return my focus to my love of
the Divine, connection to Source and
share whatever is my ‘gift’ with humanity.
I now feel the same
inner determination and love to dedicate to the spiritual life rather than my
‘personal’ life as when I first awakened
all those years ago. Back then, I was so single pointedly focused on freeing
myself to devote myself to Source/Divine – I sacrificed my personal life, left
my husband, career, ordinary life....then a few years down the line, I
waivered! I can no longer pretend or go
back to ‘an ordinary girl looking for love’.
I have tried it out, several
times and it doesn’t work....that is not my path.
Whilst I do not intend to become a nun or join an ashram..I
have still chosen the path of Relationship...There is a way to integrate the
two. I now shift my focus from ‘wanting’ things in
my life to that of my connection to spirit/source. There are no mistakes, wasted energy for I
needed the experience of the last 10 years or so to learn compassion and
empathy – this will serve me well.
Now I have been given a wonderful window of opportunity, a space before
possible surgery to my throat to concentrate my energies into self-healing.. I
am going to generate transformation energy much like a caterpillar does in the
cocoon. I have various tools, practices,
techniques to work through..sifting out what feels right.. I have many books to
read and maybe even one to write! I am
excited, but not without trepidation.
I accept support and love graciously from those that give and offer.
I am preparing a cocoon right now.. I will draw in, retreat,
deepen, focus on myself, and when I emerge, i will have something important to share with the world...it is
what I was asked to do years ago and again I am being urged to fulfill that
promise.
This ‘warrior’ is putting down her weapons, stopping the
fight and surrendering to let love, of the divine fully in!
I do not have to fight any more...I don’t have to try to
keep going regardless of what ‘hits’ me...Surrender is the key!
This is the transition from Warrior to Healer.
Namaste
x
