Again, been a while since my last blog...lots of shifts and turns, ups and downs along the way.
My body continues to be a medical enigma - another consultant signing me away with inconclusive possibilities, no clear cut path to follow. Once again, stopped all medication that I've been trying for the last few weeks as there was no significant change and many unwanted side effects..feeling much clearer now they are getting out of my system.
Awaiting my next bleed - already the pain has started, days earlier than scheduled..which today has left me listless, tired, not motivated..just wanting to curl up with the dog really. However, I've just forced myself up the hill with Milo, putting on my new sparkly wellies for the first time! What therapy! Seeing them sparkle in the odd bit of sunray...through the wet grass.. made me smile! Bliss...
Collected some nettles for some tea on the way back which I am sipping now as I type...
Thank goodness for sparkly wellies!
XX
Monday 23 May 2011
Wednesday 11 May 2011
Wonderful Lyrics by Dido - This Land is Mine
"From behind these walls I hear your song
Oh, sweet words
The music that you play lights up my world
The sweetest that I’ve heard
Could it be that I’ve been touched and turned
Oh Lord, please finally…finally things are changing
This land is mine but I’ll let you rule
I let you navigate and demand
Just as long as you know…this land is mine
So find your home and settle in
Ohhh, I’m ready to let you in
Just as long as we know…this land is mine
After all the battles and the wars
The scars and loss
I’m still the queen of my domain
and feeling stronger now
The walls are down a little more each day
Since you came, finally…finally things are changing
Follow the days I’ve travelled alone
In this cold and colorless place till now
It’s what I had to pay
This land is mine and I let you rule
I let you navigate on demand
Just as long as you know…this land is mine"
ahhhh... XX
Oh, sweet words
The music that you play lights up my world
The sweetest that I’ve heard
Could it be that I’ve been touched and turned
Oh Lord, please finally…finally things are changing
This land is mine but I’ll let you rule
I let you navigate and demand
Just as long as you know…this land is mine
So find your home and settle in
Ohhh, I’m ready to let you in
Just as long as we know…this land is mine
After all the battles and the wars
The scars and loss
I’m still the queen of my domain
and feeling stronger now
The walls are down a little more each day
Since you came, finally…finally things are changing
Follow the days I’ve travelled alone
In this cold and colorless place till now
It’s what I had to pay
This land is mine and I let you rule
I let you navigate on demand
Just as long as you know…this land is mine"
ahhhh... XX
Thursday 5 May 2011
A Journey of Awakening Woman: Ever learning..growing.. Relationships!
A Journey of Awakening Woman: Ever learning..growing.. Relationships!: "I haven't written for ages again..been enjoying loving, resting, gently working and playing..interweaved with a couple of bouts of health st..."
Ever learning..growing.. Relationships!
I haven't written for ages again..been enjoying loving, resting, gently working and playing..interweaved with a couple of bouts of health stuff.
Visits to new places, sights and introduced to some new stone circles in Cumbria and the Lake District..wonderful meetings albeit with rashes and ears flaring up! Interestingly though, my breathing was better in the mountain air and got worse again as we headed down the M5 home…. Could this mean I have to move to a place away from arable/crop farmland? Who knows!
A thoughtful week for me..relationship hasn’t been this ‘straightforward’ or easy for a long long time..and I’m not used to it! At what point did I become addicted to the roller coaster ride, the ups and downs, of being with someone that is unsure, coming and going, dangling a carrot, hope, then cutting it… Ugh! When did I begin to be comfortable with that feeling of seeming ‘love’, excitement then utter despair and insecurity in the next moment. What made me undervalue myself so much to accept nothing less than what I deserve? I shake my head..at myself!
I have a man in my life that is adoring me, honouring me, wooing me and respecting me…loving me with ease, no expectations, no drama, no carrots..its all there…on the table for me! Yet, I hesitate, this is not what I am used to.. I find myself looking for ‘that’ familiar feeling inside, the chase, the unattainable, the excitement of the ups and downs, insecurity, being overwhelmed, bamboozled and also that comfortable ‘aloneness’… ugh again!
I watch all of this going on..my mind very clever bringing up my past, emotions and memories..trying to claw me away from the present..and the future. I talk silently to my self..seeing the truth, knowing not to trust these ‘feelings’…they are not real – an illusion.
The feelings of ‘attraction’ are completely different, less highs and lows, no roller coaster or drama and there is passion and desire. This man seems firmly rooted and committed to me… I trust that I am where I am meant to be…all perfect.
I read this paragraph today:
“I am the common denominator in this soap opera called life! In the past, I’d know I felt bad by the flutters in my stomach, the anxiety, discomfort, the vague ambiguous feeling, and the familiarity that comes with catering to a pattern…and I’d ignore it. This could only mean I’d continue to make poor choices and create more pain for myself” (baggagereclaim.co.uk)
I choose a healthy man, a healthy relationship – I intend to enjoy every moment and see how it all unfolds…
Namaste.
Visits to new places, sights and introduced to some new stone circles in Cumbria and the Lake District..wonderful meetings albeit with rashes and ears flaring up! Interestingly though, my breathing was better in the mountain air and got worse again as we headed down the M5 home…. Could this mean I have to move to a place away from arable/crop farmland? Who knows!
A thoughtful week for me..relationship hasn’t been this ‘straightforward’ or easy for a long long time..and I’m not used to it! At what point did I become addicted to the roller coaster ride, the ups and downs, of being with someone that is unsure, coming and going, dangling a carrot, hope, then cutting it… Ugh! When did I begin to be comfortable with that feeling of seeming ‘love’, excitement then utter despair and insecurity in the next moment. What made me undervalue myself so much to accept nothing less than what I deserve? I shake my head..at myself!
I have a man in my life that is adoring me, honouring me, wooing me and respecting me…loving me with ease, no expectations, no drama, no carrots..its all there…on the table for me! Yet, I hesitate, this is not what I am used to.. I find myself looking for ‘that’ familiar feeling inside, the chase, the unattainable, the excitement of the ups and downs, insecurity, being overwhelmed, bamboozled and also that comfortable ‘aloneness’… ugh again!
I watch all of this going on..my mind very clever bringing up my past, emotions and memories..trying to claw me away from the present..and the future. I talk silently to my self..seeing the truth, knowing not to trust these ‘feelings’…they are not real – an illusion.
The feelings of ‘attraction’ are completely different, less highs and lows, no roller coaster or drama and there is passion and desire. This man seems firmly rooted and committed to me… I trust that I am where I am meant to be…all perfect.
I read this paragraph today:
“I am the common denominator in this soap opera called life! In the past, I’d know I felt bad by the flutters in my stomach, the anxiety, discomfort, the vague ambiguous feeling, and the familiarity that comes with catering to a pattern…and I’d ignore it. This could only mean I’d continue to make poor choices and create more pain for myself” (baggagereclaim.co.uk)
I choose a healthy man, a healthy relationship – I intend to enjoy every moment and see how it all unfolds…
Namaste.
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