An eventful week.. an emotional start to the week with the news of the NZ earthquake that has caused so much devastation. Even once I knew that all my loved ones and friends from Lyttleton and Christchurch were safe..the realisation that my closest friend was landing in that area at the time the quake hit.. touched me greatly. The shock of it went through my body..and I found myself being very emotional and weepy the whole day. An inner call to myself!
Even so, that same day, I met for the second time a man that I have connected with and his masculine presence has touched me deeply, and I welcome this new energy into my life. All a bit of a surprise really and even more so to notice my wariness of trusting a man, whether he can indeed hold this energy and remain in his authority. I am open though, I cant be anything else and trust that life knows what is true..time will tell and things will unfold.. How delightful that is!
All in all, a week of loving and reminders of how precious our experience as a human being is...we dont get that long really..so no point in holding back or waiting.
For those of you that are drawn and able to help support the wonderful work that friends are doing in Christchurch, there is a link to a donation page. They are travelling to the rescue centres in their double decker red bus and distributing hot chocolate and chocolate as well as offering massage, hugs and healing. Check them out at the following link: http://www.shechocolat.com/
Friday 25 February 2011
Monday 21 February 2011
Yearning of Woman..Aloneness.
I posted a music video on my facebook page yesterday - its a song written by a man, who talks of ‘holding’ woman in a tender, beautiful way. The link is below.
It has prompted some Sisters to write to me and a couple have posted on my wall with their tears, pain and fear that there are no men that are really committed to a deeper way of living and loving.
Much pain, sadness around the feminine principle it seems...sudden death of their beloved, sudden walk out of family home, years of not being met in a deep place, hurt by abuse, lack of commitment etc.. these are some of the ‘stories’ I have heard this week.
The feminine principle yearns to be met by true man who is committed to a deeper way of living and loving. She fears that there just aren’t men out there...tired of opening, giving of love to be disillusioned again and again. This particular song was written by Man and passed onto me by Man!
Aloneness – in the human form this comes and goes, a cycle, a fact of life. Maybe our challenge as Woman is to not close down when we have no physical beloved. She can use these times of aloneness to go deeper into her inner love. For me, I meditate, hold a tree as if it were my lover. Give it and the Earth your love and passion..breathe deep and you will feel the energy go through your body – see what happens next!
Eat well, dance, sing, read, enjoy nature, paint, draw, write..do anything that is creative...anything that you enjoy with a passion.....
With grace maybe that physical form will show up... if we are surrendered and open then that Man has an opportunity to meet us fully. I have written a few times of my sadness, despair, heartache and not perfect in all of this but I have never given up. I trust..
Love and tender hugs to all beautiful Sisters....
It has prompted some Sisters to write to me and a couple have posted on my wall with their tears, pain and fear that there are no men that are really committed to a deeper way of living and loving.
Much pain, sadness around the feminine principle it seems...sudden death of their beloved, sudden walk out of family home, years of not being met in a deep place, hurt by abuse, lack of commitment etc.. these are some of the ‘stories’ I have heard this week.
The feminine principle yearns to be met by true man who is committed to a deeper way of living and loving. She fears that there just aren’t men out there...tired of opening, giving of love to be disillusioned again and again. This particular song was written by Man and passed onto me by Man!
Aloneness – in the human form this comes and goes, a cycle, a fact of life. Maybe our challenge as Woman is to not close down when we have no physical beloved. She can use these times of aloneness to go deeper into her inner love. For me, I meditate, hold a tree as if it were my lover. Give it and the Earth your love and passion..breathe deep and you will feel the energy go through your body – see what happens next!
Eat well, dance, sing, read, enjoy nature, paint, draw, write..do anything that is creative...anything that you enjoy with a passion.....
With grace maybe that physical form will show up... if we are surrendered and open then that Man has an opportunity to meet us fully. I have written a few times of my sadness, despair, heartache and not perfect in all of this but I have never given up. I trust..
Love and tender hugs to all beautiful Sisters....
Welcoming the new, hot tub bliss and revamps....
Havent written for a few days..had an interesting week last week, lots of work, issues with my car, meetings with new practitioners re my health and surprising but lovely new connections! :)
A full weekend with a friend visiting..lots of catching up, re-arranging my cottage and hot tub visits! Wonderful..with lots of energies a shifting and stirring.. to be honest a little shattered but pleasantly so!
Short and sweet blog today...thats all I feel like!
:)
A full weekend with a friend visiting..lots of catching up, re-arranging my cottage and hot tub visits! Wonderful..with lots of energies a shifting and stirring.. to be honest a little shattered but pleasantly so!
Short and sweet blog today...thats all I feel like!
:)
Thursday 17 February 2011
Full Moon looming.. solar flares...insights and insights...
Full Moon nearly here and energies are moving around.. Apparently there have been some major solar flares happening which are being directed towards Earth! We may see some wonderful light displays in the sky but I feel that many of us are sensitive enough to have felt them anyway.. way beyond the moment they may hit our 'atmosphere'.
This week, I've been on a quest to discover where I need to go with this breathing issue of mine. followed all sorts of paths, including the conventional way.. my GP is now referring me to Rheumatology as it is fairly obvious this is an auto immune not a lung problem.
As you know, I beleive that I can reverse the way my immune system is working..that there is a trigger, a key that I am missing. It was suggested that there may be some sort of spiritual attachment, some cellular memory from an event/emotion/thought that occured around the time my breathing problems started. Whilst i have already looked at what was occuring in my life at the time, I feel that now I need to look deeper, maybe with some assistance.. even look to the period just before.. This feels right. This would put me back into the Community I once lived in, back with my beloved at the time, my teacher..my lover, my spiritual family and home.
I sigh..deep breath... hey.. deep breath!
X
This week, I've been on a quest to discover where I need to go with this breathing issue of mine. followed all sorts of paths, including the conventional way.. my GP is now referring me to Rheumatology as it is fairly obvious this is an auto immune not a lung problem.
As you know, I beleive that I can reverse the way my immune system is working..that there is a trigger, a key that I am missing. It was suggested that there may be some sort of spiritual attachment, some cellular memory from an event/emotion/thought that occured around the time my breathing problems started. Whilst i have already looked at what was occuring in my life at the time, I feel that now I need to look deeper, maybe with some assistance.. even look to the period just before.. This feels right. This would put me back into the Community I once lived in, back with my beloved at the time, my teacher..my lover, my spiritual family and home.
I sigh..deep breath... hey.. deep breath!
X
Saturday 12 February 2011
Energies abound in the night....Mayan New Year!
Phew! A weird night that was. Hard to describe the feelings but just felt 'uneasy' when I went to bed...read for a while.. and then drifted off to sleep. My breathing wasn't great (steroids have finished!)..and I just felt unwell.
I woke up really hot but shivering...got up for the loo and every muscle ached as I walked. I hadnt done anything untoward the day before although I had had a glass of wine...but this felt like flu coming on. When I touched my head it hurt, everything hurt...
I lay there and went through all sorts of hallucinations and feelings...and eventually drifted off to sleep again. Awoke again a little while later...everything seemed to hurt and I was cold but hot..and it was sooo bright in the dark room...funny.. but not exactly scary! I got up and stood outside for a while... so quite ..well apart from the owl..which did freak me out a bit! No moon, no stars...just this hooting that kept getting closer and closer... shadows, rustling...hmmmm...
Anyway, this morning, bright blue skies, lovely sunshine and I seem to be going through some sort of mega de-tox..so taking it easy today. All perfect of course..cleansing and clearing... Been for a walk in the woods, lay against my favourite trees, connected with loved ones and the rest of the day... just want to read in my garden..
X
A footnote.. A friend reminded me today that according to the Mayan Calander, February 11, 2011 is when the Earth and humanity will be entering the final cycle (9th) of the 9 Levels of Consciousness. Working through this level in 2011 will result in a timelss cosmic consciousness, citizenship in the universe..for all humanity.
Maybe on a cosmic, energetic level, I was connecting to this new wave coming in...I wonder! :) Happy Tzolkin New Year to you all! :)
Lots of information on this stuff, Mayan calander etc... see calleman.com or search for 11.2.11..
I woke up really hot but shivering...got up for the loo and every muscle ached as I walked. I hadnt done anything untoward the day before although I had had a glass of wine...but this felt like flu coming on. When I touched my head it hurt, everything hurt...
I lay there and went through all sorts of hallucinations and feelings...and eventually drifted off to sleep again. Awoke again a little while later...everything seemed to hurt and I was cold but hot..and it was sooo bright in the dark room...funny.. but not exactly scary! I got up and stood outside for a while... so quite ..well apart from the owl..which did freak me out a bit! No moon, no stars...just this hooting that kept getting closer and closer... shadows, rustling...hmmmm...
Anyway, this morning, bright blue skies, lovely sunshine and I seem to be going through some sort of mega de-tox..so taking it easy today. All perfect of course..cleansing and clearing... Been for a walk in the woods, lay against my favourite trees, connected with loved ones and the rest of the day... just want to read in my garden..
X
A footnote.. A friend reminded me today that according to the Mayan Calander, February 11, 2011 is when the Earth and humanity will be entering the final cycle (9th) of the 9 Levels of Consciousness. Working through this level in 2011 will result in a timelss cosmic consciousness, citizenship in the universe..for all humanity.
Maybe on a cosmic, energetic level, I was connecting to this new wave coming in...I wonder! :) Happy Tzolkin New Year to you all! :)
Lots of information on this stuff, Mayan calander etc... see calleman.com or search for 11.2.11..
Wednesday 9 February 2011
Sex..Death. 101th Post!
Loved this when I came across it:
Those who are afraid of sex will be afraid of death and those who are afraid of death will be afraid of sex. The fear is there that "I may be lost. How am I to be certain that I will be capable of coming back?" It is uncertain. Who knows whether you will come back or whether you will go on and on, and disappear completely?
Source is unknown...
Those who are afraid of sex will be afraid of death and those who are afraid of death will be afraid of sex. The fear is there that "I may be lost. How am I to be certain that I will be capable of coming back?" It is uncertain. Who knows whether you will come back or whether you will go on and on, and disappear completely?
Source is unknown...
Tuesday 8 February 2011
Dark Clear Black Skies to Bright Clear Blue Skies!
I'm sitting here at my desk, next to the open door, sunshine pouring in...birds a singing! Its the first time this year I've been able to have the door open whilst sat here. bliss!
Yesterday, I was in a funny space... had had a brilliant day working at a client's offices...and came back to my cottage and Milo feeling particularly lonely..I just wanted to share with another human being! So, I made a meal for one, sat listening to music, feeling ..well... is this it!
Someone on FB chat sent me words to describe what they saw in me:
"I see a strong woman who knows herself, celabrates being who she is, fights off illness and is obviously bright and interesting, she has theough circumstances ened up on her own (with Milo)..but there she is calm and it seems serene maybe, living in the countryside, working, meditating, searching and embracing all that surrounds her. She is in control of her world and can do just as she pleases..she obviously is a good person and attracts likewise people around her..."
I am blessed...I do know that.. but do still yearn for the embodiment of love in human form. That love is inside me, in all things... no need to search..
Last night, I sat outside, under the clear skies...so many bright stars above...it was wonderful. I listened to the sounds of the sheep and their lambs, an owl and the fish plopping in the lake.. yes I am lucky to be where I am, who I am at this point in my evolution!
Bleeding in the night..at last it has come. Releasing and cleansing...surrendering it to the earth. Today was clear blue skies, glorious sunshine and a freshness in the air..so I take Milo into the sacred woods..first time in ages.. I struggled up the hill a bit.. but it was so worth it. Met my guardian trees - reconnected..lay against the Mother tree, allowing her to embrace me.. and then lay on the fallen half trunk.. listening to the buzzard, woodpecker and little birds and sinking into the blue sky! Amazing..feeling so glad to be alive!
Namaste.
X
Yesterday, I was in a funny space... had had a brilliant day working at a client's offices...and came back to my cottage and Milo feeling particularly lonely..I just wanted to share with another human being! So, I made a meal for one, sat listening to music, feeling ..well... is this it!
Someone on FB chat sent me words to describe what they saw in me:
"I see a strong woman who knows herself, celabrates being who she is, fights off illness and is obviously bright and interesting, she has theough circumstances ened up on her own (with Milo)..but there she is calm and it seems serene maybe, living in the countryside, working, meditating, searching and embracing all that surrounds her. She is in control of her world and can do just as she pleases..she obviously is a good person and attracts likewise people around her..."
I am blessed...I do know that.. but do still yearn for the embodiment of love in human form. That love is inside me, in all things... no need to search..
Last night, I sat outside, under the clear skies...so many bright stars above...it was wonderful. I listened to the sounds of the sheep and their lambs, an owl and the fish plopping in the lake.. yes I am lucky to be where I am, who I am at this point in my evolution!
Bleeding in the night..at last it has come. Releasing and cleansing...surrendering it to the earth. Today was clear blue skies, glorious sunshine and a freshness in the air..so I take Milo into the sacred woods..first time in ages.. I struggled up the hill a bit.. but it was so worth it. Met my guardian trees - reconnected..lay against the Mother tree, allowing her to embrace me.. and then lay on the fallen half trunk.. listening to the buzzard, woodpecker and little birds and sinking into the blue sky! Amazing..feeling so glad to be alive!
Namaste.
X
Saturday 5 February 2011
Glorious Gales.....
Glorious gales through yesterday, last night and today... many bangs, things turning over, rolling about in the darkness last night! Poor Milo was terrified..slept outside my bedroom door most of the night I think.
Had to coax him out this morning for a walk across the fields and lakes.. chose a flat walk as I havent much energy...and decided to sit on one of the benches overlooking the water. The wind was amazing...it was a warm windy so 'pleasant' to sit..and just listen to the sound..roaring around me, in the trees and bushes. It also made wonderful patterns on the lake - magical. Milo though..not impressed..he cowered beneath me legs for safety..just wanting to get back home.
I did my cobra breath a while, watched the patterns on the water, listened some more to the sounds, watched a couple of crows/rooks circling around - not going anywhere in the sky - wondering what they were up to.
Awaiting my bleed...with a weekend of nothingness ahead of me. Nothing planned..have lots I could do on my 'list'...who knows what I will choose to do from it, if anything. I dont have any inclination to meet anyone, do anything in particular, sometimes feeling lonely..someimes feel glad I am alone with Milo at this time.
A couple of you have responded to my request for feedback on my next step re my health! Just sitting with everything right now..seeing what transpires..
Had to coax him out this morning for a walk across the fields and lakes.. chose a flat walk as I havent much energy...and decided to sit on one of the benches overlooking the water. The wind was amazing...it was a warm windy so 'pleasant' to sit..and just listen to the sound..roaring around me, in the trees and bushes. It also made wonderful patterns on the lake - magical. Milo though..not impressed..he cowered beneath me legs for safety..just wanting to get back home.
I did my cobra breath a while, watched the patterns on the water, listened some more to the sounds, watched a couple of crows/rooks circling around - not going anywhere in the sky - wondering what they were up to.
Awaiting my bleed...with a weekend of nothingness ahead of me. Nothing planned..have lots I could do on my 'list'...who knows what I will choose to do from it, if anything. I dont have any inclination to meet anyone, do anything in particular, sometimes feeling lonely..someimes feel glad I am alone with Milo at this time.
A couple of you have responded to my request for feedback on my next step re my health! Just sitting with everything right now..seeing what transpires..
Thursday 3 February 2011
Feedback Sought? Next Step?
Hello blog readers...
Half way through my course of Steroids and I am feeling so much better! The not so nice side effects are almost worth it! My ears have calmed down and to my surprise my breathing is a tiny bit easier! Thats a first with any kind of conventional drug!
I know that the steroid use can only be a temporary measure - I dont want to be on them long term... I know that I can reverse this auto-immune response as I triggered it somehow in the first place..that
Everything i have tried so far has helped me go deeper, get to an issue deep within, a journey if you like, self discovery into the mind, emotional, spiritual body..but still my breathing is an issue. There has to be a key I can reach in there!
I have tried Drugs, Acupuncture, kinesiology, herbs, homeopathy, Buteyko Method, EIS Scan, voice training, meditation, stress relief/relaxation, massage, healing etc.. I am sure I've missed some!
The only thing that has helped is diet..changing to a more vegan diet definately helped with the cancer scares and reduced the number of cartlidge flare ups! Although, this hasnt really helped my breathing in any way.. Tried dairy free, vegan, gluten free, avoiding certain known trigger foods etc etc....
So.. looking at all manner of things..came across The Silva Method, The Journey, NLP, Hypnosis, EFT, Alexandra Technique so far.
If any of you know of any good practitioners, off-the-wall bods that might be worth a visit or have any experience of any of the above, I'd love to hear from you. Anywhere! I'm sitting with it all and seeing if anything 'speaks' to me as to where to go next...
Namaste
X
Half way through my course of Steroids and I am feeling so much better! The not so nice side effects are almost worth it! My ears have calmed down and to my surprise my breathing is a tiny bit easier! Thats a first with any kind of conventional drug!
I know that the steroid use can only be a temporary measure - I dont want to be on them long term... I know that I can reverse this auto-immune response as I triggered it somehow in the first place..that
Everything i have tried so far has helped me go deeper, get to an issue deep within, a journey if you like, self discovery into the mind, emotional, spiritual body..but still my breathing is an issue. There has to be a key I can reach in there!
I have tried Drugs, Acupuncture, kinesiology, herbs, homeopathy, Buteyko Method, EIS Scan, voice training, meditation, stress relief/relaxation, massage, healing etc.. I am sure I've missed some!
The only thing that has helped is diet..changing to a more vegan diet definately helped with the cancer scares and reduced the number of cartlidge flare ups! Although, this hasnt really helped my breathing in any way.. Tried dairy free, vegan, gluten free, avoiding certain known trigger foods etc etc....
So.. looking at all manner of things..came across The Silva Method, The Journey, NLP, Hypnosis, EFT, Alexandra Technique so far.
If any of you know of any good practitioners, off-the-wall bods that might be worth a visit or have any experience of any of the above, I'd love to hear from you. Anywhere! I'm sitting with it all and seeing if anything 'speaks' to me as to where to go next...
Namaste
X
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