Have not written a blog for a few weeks now.. have been enjoying the very much stalling Spring as and when the sun makes an appearance! Its been bliss being able to be on my swing seat in the garden watching nature begin to stir, lambs playing on the hill and tidying up around the farm where I live in time for the tourist season.
I have been trying to increase my fitness by walking my dog for longer...although this has become problematic as my dog has become so nervous of every single noise around....gunshots - fair enough..but now cars on the cattle grid, garden gates slamming, even a couple of red kites circling above! This has encouraged me to go further afield and go to new places with him so all good.
My life has been moving so fast...everything changing daily..all wonderful...hard for my friends to keep up with developments! However... a couple of things from the past couple of days....
Once I had decided to go ahead with a second surgery on my trachea, all plans were in place for my operation at the end of May...hotels, transport, dog sitter, pre op tests, after care and today I was tidying up all the letters from the hospital and I just had a gut feeling to ring. I rang, and they were just typing a letter to me to cancel it until July! My surgeon is now unable to operate during May. Hmmm...interesting...gives me more time to do more energy work, look at the couple of other alternatives so I wasnt upset! The guy on the end of the phone thanked me for not shouting at him etc...I laughed and said..no worries...there is little point in shouting at you..you cant change it anyhow!
To be honest, on my walk this morning I was thinking that my breathing had stabalised somewhat...yes I still get out of breath going uphill...but I have had worse. I was having the feeling that this surgery wasnt necessary at this point. This delay has given me more motivation to pursue the couple of new leads I have and to take action..right thought...
On another note....
Yesterday a beautiful sister of mine gave birth to her third child down under in Australia...She had posted a picture of her very full tummy the day before and she looked so happy and divine. When I read that she had given birth to a baby boy, so content I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Mother..and for this Mother serving humanity, evolution, for us all in this beautiful, natural way. With that was the bittersweet tinge of sadness for the loss of my babies and the 'void' that I feel sometimes...however..the gratitude and joy that I experienced as well.. through feeling through this sister was stronger...it was almost as if I had experienced birth with her.
Later that day I was in the hairdresser and they were all talking about fertility, birth, miscarriages etc..and I welled up..knowing that within a few moments I would be asked that question... my wonderful hairdresser spotted me and said "I promise you will be ok...you will love what I am about to do!"..which made me laugh as he didnt know I was being touched by something else. My hair was amazing...worthy of tears of delight!
Last night some children that had been in my life until fairly recently got in touch through video/skype....a wonderful surprise..heart warming to see children in their innocence, talking about 'nonsense'...but hearing and feeling their love.
Whilst writing this blog, that beautiful Aussie mamma has just posted some pics of her birth and new baby son... intense, primal, natural, earthy, divine, serving all,...birthing goddess! I am so grateful to you sister! Love thee for your beauty and service...
Namaste
X
ps.. dont forget moon eclipse tonight..and full moon! I will be honouring the moment in the hot tub!
Thursday 25 April 2013
Monday 1 April 2013
Awesome London Weekend...Magical Meetings..
Powerful and magical weekend..with my wonderful friend and singer/songwriter Deborah Rose at the Southbank Festival in London.
I was sat to the edge of the stage..looking out to the River Thames and watching people walk by the stage..some stopping for a while before moving on with their journey..
Lots moving for me..in my mind, heart and body. I noticed the time of Big Ben at just before quarter past one...Deb started her set and it seemed as though angels descended and were circulating around that tiny bit of London. I watched the people that had stopped to listen. A sea of faces smiling, laughing, chatting, tapping of feet, jigging and singing. I felt privileged to be sat where I was..to see them acknowledge the gift that was being shared...
There seemed to be so many greetings and meetings in that one hour..planned meetings to eat lunch or have a drink, strangers standing side by side, laughing and singing along, friends in groups a little bit tipsy..chattering, laughing and raising their plastic beer cups to Debs, tourists walking past with their video cameras, taking shots of it all..
One guy even rang his family back home, I think in Romania, to say listen..and held his mobile up to the speaker for the entire show!
A little girl with her dad came by...wrapped up all in pink - cosy from the wind.. she looked up to the stage with awe...she let go of her dads hand, he came to talk to me allowing her the safe space to observe.. She stood in front of the stage, rocked a bit in time with the music..a bit unsteady on her feet but all the time staring right at Debs..then you saw she became self-conscious and ran back to her dad. That made my lip quiver...but I bit it, looked to the side and a lady caught my eye..she mouthed..you ok? Knowing if I acknowledged this emotion, that I wouldnt be able to hold it in..I nodded and smiled... took a big gulp of tea and looked back at the crowd.
At that point I realised that I was witnessing something magical about this whole scene..everyone and everything seemed to be orchestrated by some angelic or divine energy...
A London gent walked in front of the crowd, smartly dressed in a grey suit, floral lilac waistcoat and trimmed hat.. He was so distinguished, his grey hair tied back in the tiniest of neat pony tail....he stopped right in front of the stage and stared at Deb with a smile...as he walked on with his journey..he tipped his hat to her in appreciation...made me smile!
A young girl..budding singer/musician herself stayed for ages listening and closely watching the chords being played..the tones..her dad encouraging her to come and ask me for some information. He gave her the money for a cd and she asked Deb for her signature.. She held onto it so preciously..asking me for a bag so that she could protect it from being spoiled..
The last song.."Somewhere over the Rainbow"..many more stopped to listen and in the middle of the whole scene a couple started to kiss passionately. They kissed lovingly to the chorus...I realised that they were creating a memory..right there and then....how magical to witness.
Then, in front of them, two guys came from either side of the crowd.. stepped into the middle with arms outstretched in greeting.. they met each other in front of Deb, they hugged and were so happy to have met each other unexpectedly. It felt so warm inside of me to see these two "cool" looking guys showing each other such tender brotherly love..
Whoops, claps and cheers as the music finished.
A while ago now at another gig, I was told that I looked "proud" of my friend..I thought that that was an odd word to use...and dismissed it. However, yesterday I saw that yes I was..I acknowledge that i am proud of my best friend, my sister, sharing her gift, honoured and humbled to be able to support and share the space for such profound meetings.
In amongst all that was in that hour..I had so much emotion running through me connected to my own life at that time....but I held it together and it was later when Debs and I shared what we had witnessed that afternoon..the tears came..of sadness, joy, anticipation and wonder of it all! Life really does flow magically.
As an aside, this whole weekend astrologically was a powerful one...there were many planets at 11degrees (to what I dont know) yesterday (Sunday)... I certainly felt that we were all taking part in something that wasnt entirely within our control.
I was sat to the edge of the stage..looking out to the River Thames and watching people walk by the stage..some stopping for a while before moving on with their journey..
Lots moving for me..in my mind, heart and body. I noticed the time of Big Ben at just before quarter past one...Deb started her set and it seemed as though angels descended and were circulating around that tiny bit of London. I watched the people that had stopped to listen. A sea of faces smiling, laughing, chatting, tapping of feet, jigging and singing. I felt privileged to be sat where I was..to see them acknowledge the gift that was being shared...
There seemed to be so many greetings and meetings in that one hour..planned meetings to eat lunch or have a drink, strangers standing side by side, laughing and singing along, friends in groups a little bit tipsy..chattering, laughing and raising their plastic beer cups to Debs, tourists walking past with their video cameras, taking shots of it all..
One guy even rang his family back home, I think in Romania, to say listen..and held his mobile up to the speaker for the entire show!
A little girl with her dad came by...wrapped up all in pink - cosy from the wind.. she looked up to the stage with awe...she let go of her dads hand, he came to talk to me allowing her the safe space to observe.. She stood in front of the stage, rocked a bit in time with the music..a bit unsteady on her feet but all the time staring right at Debs..then you saw she became self-conscious and ran back to her dad. That made my lip quiver...but I bit it, looked to the side and a lady caught my eye..she mouthed..you ok? Knowing if I acknowledged this emotion, that I wouldnt be able to hold it in..I nodded and smiled... took a big gulp of tea and looked back at the crowd.
At that point I realised that I was witnessing something magical about this whole scene..everyone and everything seemed to be orchestrated by some angelic or divine energy...
A London gent walked in front of the crowd, smartly dressed in a grey suit, floral lilac waistcoat and trimmed hat.. He was so distinguished, his grey hair tied back in the tiniest of neat pony tail....he stopped right in front of the stage and stared at Deb with a smile...as he walked on with his journey..he tipped his hat to her in appreciation...made me smile!
A young girl..budding singer/musician herself stayed for ages listening and closely watching the chords being played..the tones..her dad encouraging her to come and ask me for some information. He gave her the money for a cd and she asked Deb for her signature.. She held onto it so preciously..asking me for a bag so that she could protect it from being spoiled..
The last song.."Somewhere over the Rainbow"..many more stopped to listen and in the middle of the whole scene a couple started to kiss passionately. They kissed lovingly to the chorus...I realised that they were creating a memory..right there and then....how magical to witness.
Then, in front of them, two guys came from either side of the crowd.. stepped into the middle with arms outstretched in greeting.. they met each other in front of Deb, they hugged and were so happy to have met each other unexpectedly. It felt so warm inside of me to see these two "cool" looking guys showing each other such tender brotherly love..
Whoops, claps and cheers as the music finished.
A while ago now at another gig, I was told that I looked "proud" of my friend..I thought that that was an odd word to use...and dismissed it. However, yesterday I saw that yes I was..I acknowledge that i am proud of my best friend, my sister, sharing her gift, honoured and humbled to be able to support and share the space for such profound meetings.
In amongst all that was in that hour..I had so much emotion running through me connected to my own life at that time....but I held it together and it was later when Debs and I shared what we had witnessed that afternoon..the tears came..of sadness, joy, anticipation and wonder of it all! Life really does flow magically.
As an aside, this whole weekend astrologically was a powerful one...there were many planets at 11degrees (to what I dont know) yesterday (Sunday)... I certainly felt that we were all taking part in something that wasnt entirely within our control.
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