Been an age since I last wrote! Unfortunately the health issues have
continued and I did end up with some blood clots in my leg to deal with
along with an on going cold. Luckily the clots were in the
superficial veins but they were still very painful...it was very
empowering though to be able to do my own heparin injections in my
tummy!
It's a weird time of year for me...it seems there are
always beginning and endings around Christmas time. Throughout my life I
have noticed that that period between Xmas and New year, separations
or drama of some sort happen..and in each late February, early spring, a
new beginning or change of some sort comes into my life. It's actually quite
magical if it wasn't so bloody painful at times. I always hope that
that year is the last year that the pattern repeats. My first ever
relationship..with my birth mother ended soon after birth with a
separation. Between Xmas and new year she was preparing to give birth
to the daughter she already knew she was giving up for adoption eight
weeks later.
A new Being entered my life briefly early Winter
then disappeared over Christmas. That fleeting romance showed me so
much. It showed me how I had built a wall of resistance and distrust of
man..I had built in a radar to hunt out 'controlling' behaviours and it
was astonishing (and actually sickening) to watch me on the look out
for the slightest hint of such behaviour. I knew it wasn't my true self
though as I could witness it as from my ego self...based on past
projection...I was honest and vulnerable in my sharing of this...bless him, his true masculinity in holding that space.
This man got through that wall with perseverance and
gradually I let down my guard..I stepped in fully. Although it was for
only a short time..it was amazing. Maybe I was a fool, duped or even
'played' given the outcome...maybe my initial doubts were actually
founded...I will never know. However, the lesson was about remaining
open to love, trusting and I will endeavour to not re build that wall
again when the times comes. So thank you..you know who you are. :)
2013
was a siginificant year for my spiritual growth..obviously attending a
retreat in Tuscany and a visit to Assisi. My meeting with St Francis
and my return to 'the masters feet' as it were. The master being source
or god, not any particular deity or teacher..the absolute. It was also
where I realised myself and truly became one with everything.
I
have written a book about my journey but have been unsure how to
complete the ending. Initially, it was to end at that point in Tuscany
when I had re dedicated my life to, serving Source..but Source then
'pushed' me into the path of the masculine, showing me to serve
unconditionally, to surrender completely and go beyond any body mind
attraction, for the sake of, the whole, for humanity, for evolution.
This was a whole new ball game for me..to be with a man I was not drawn
to physically..beyond any body mind identity...it has happened twice this year.
I continued to
write about this, about how the feminine presence opened and invited,
about her sadness and her compassion for the masculine who cannot meet
her....but of course, there is no clear cut 'ending', no official finish
line, the journey continues. So I feel that the book will end at
Tuscany, I cannot delay or procrastinate it any longer and I aim to get it 'out there' very soon..
So, thank you to all the readers of my blog...I am so honoured and grateful that you share in my journey.
Let's look forward to 2014...whatever life throws at us... Bring it on!
"KNOW GOD, KNOW PEACE, KNOW YOURSELF!" XXX
