Still no sleep, toxicity, healing crises? cosmic waves?

a funny few days really, been feeling very toxic, headachey, achey joints, lethargic and my breathing has become worse and worse..  last night, slept with numerous pillows propping me up..helped a bit..  Today, felt a bit better, but everytime the sun came out, and I sat in it.. the nausea, headaches returning with a vengeance.  couldnt decide if I was having a healing crises after some treatment earlier in the week,whether it was a virus or just a reaction to something environmental or diet...

I was sent a link today to the eruptions that have taken place on the sun two days ago... apparently, these are the first ones that may be felt by earth..  maybe I have been picking up on these waves.. certainly, feeling that  the energy from the sun is strrong at the moment.

Anyone else feeling these at all?

No sleep, shattered...

My chest has been really bad last night.. felt as if the whole sky was laying on my chest stopping me breathing..

so got up at 4am... had a hot drink and watched the light come through...not the sun come up..its raining..

Festivals, Friends, Fun....

Its been a few days since I last wrote as I've been away visiting friends and attending the Rivenstone Festival..

The Festival was beautiful with some amazing musicians/bands, good food, and beautiful people...  the weekend was a mixture of emotions; with joy and tears - both of sadness, and joy mixed with gratitude at the sheer beauty of the energies, poetry and music being played.

Dartmoor is a special, sacred place..and I am drawn to move down there.  I walked the land and felt so at 'home' amonst the moss, trees..misty landscape.

As I write this the hughest spider has appeared!  I tell you its as big as my hand!  I have grown more accepting of spiders in my space, gently catching them in something and letting them go outside..but they still give me a bit of a scare.   have to go and sort this one out...

Autumn around the corner...misty woods...skipping!

What an amazingly beautiful morning here in the Teme Valley.....

The sun is watery, clear blue skies, and a mist rising from the valley's....surrounding everything in mystery...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Just come back from walking in the wonderful woods..magical.. sunlight filtering through the trees...  lay against one of the oak trees and it was like she was holding me, nurturing me into her breasts....  I then lay my spine against another..and again, ecstatic energy flowing through.... so amazing to feel and breathe..  (yes i said breathe..)   and then I shared my blood with the moss, the bark, the forest floor....sweet.

and..you know what I did today... I skipped... skipped through the woods.. laughing...  I felt so free... and in love.. with life!  havent done that for such a long time..since I was little girl...  wonderful, awesome, magical....

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

More Letting Go... to the inner master..

Not sure whether this entry will get posted..we will see.  Yesterday, I spent the day at satsang with my 'once' master/teacher/lover,,,beautiful day of wonderful truth, reconnections with some 'old' faces and making connections with new ones too.

I love him and love the truth that he speaks, I honour him and am so grateful to have shared this amazing journey with him..  I have grown, and deepened also and whilst we could easily have made love, there was a knowing that that was not necessary, that I didnt see or feel the depth of presence, and that his physical body was so tired and weak.     Sharing in that way would not serve me or him at this time...I hesitated as my old pattern is one of 'holding on', doubting my knowing..and of course, I would have loved the physical touch from man and I at first said yes...but then reluctantly acknowledged to myself that that was what it was, and that it wouldnt be responding to what I know to be real.  


So, in true 'lisa' style when he left, I paced and watched as the voices argued with each other in my head..until I laughed out loud.  On the one hand, I knew that I had come into my own power more and had responded to my knowing of what will serve.., and another was..oh my god, what have you let go of, why wouldnt you, have you made a mistake bla bla bla.....

I sat in front of the Goddess Altar, the same Goddess that we had made love in front of many years ago...  I closed my eyes and sank into the blackness..the voices disappearing and acknowledging the inner master..  letting go of an external expression of the master, teacher, guru..

So I wake up today and there are no regrets, just a thankfulness that I/we responded to what was real in the moment..  I feel more that I have come into my own power, my inner master...and we will have served not only my true self, my body, his body, but the whole..  wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! 

I will still practice The Form, may even go to retreats, satsang... it is now time to serve the whole, be true to my purpose of being here at this time.

This entry has been posted public..I sat with it...  nothing is personal..  the whole purpose of writing this blog is to share the journey...if I left out some of the more intimate aspects, then that wouldnt be real or honest..  at the same time though, I am conscious of where I speak of another..  I will only share what is within me..not my projection of another.

A little footnote here... the english language is limited...for words are clumsy and inadequate...  there are no words to describe source, consciousness, truth....  so go beyond particular words..into the energy behind the words.....   

Aches, Pains, Nature and pig massage!

Not sure what to entitle this entry?  Anyway, after sitting in satsang with Bernie Prior last night, went home with the onset of a migraine/headache thing...it continued all night and this morning when I awoke, I felt like I had been hit by a bus!  The back of my neck was so painful...  a friend of mine who I spoke to later was experiencing the same thing...

So, I took the dogs into the wood, and allowed myself to be held by the trees, placing my spine and head against the bark, and closing my eyes.   Feeling the pain intensify and seemingly get worse..  So I sat and just listened to the birds and the water in the stream, noticing butterflies and ladybirds going about their business.

As I left the woods, I picked some peppermint for some tea and felt much better but tired.  Going through the orchard, one of the pigs started to follow me and nudge me gently (freaking Milo out!), until I stopped, and she lay down asking me for a massage - I obliged and she drifted off into pig dream land!  Beautiful Lady!

I've just opened my door to the sunshine, and there are loads of butterflies on the last of my buddlia.  I am so grateful for life.

I had a brief conversation with someone from the farm today...he was joking (well half joking) about his relationship wtih his wife...saying that he had had to cook his own breakfast etc...  I cant remember what I said but he looked at me..and said, there is no magic in our marriage any more....  that hit me..and I replied, well its up to you to show your wife, love her.. and he replied.. no, I have given up!    God, so sad... these comments were made in jest but there is a seriousness to them too....  they are from a different generation, where making do, just 'living' a day to day ..well just existing!   the whole thing really struck me...how different I am endevouring to live and demand....

Emerging..Sunshine at last!

Still been a strange few days energetically.  Went for a drive yesterday and it was as though someone else was driving...really floaty/spacy.. so took it easy!  Slowly though, I have come more and more back into my body.


Awoke at 3am, full of energy, aware that my body is awaiting its bleed..enabling me to come more into my body phsyically.  Loving words received via en email that I couldnt resist opening at that hour...enveloping me in warmth and 'yumminness' that enables me to go back into dream land easily..namaste!

So today, there is sunshine at last..after days and days of grey skies and rain, the sun is welcome.  I have walked with the dogs into the wood, embraced the trees and felt their heartbeats merge with mine..amazing and nourishing.   Tai chi and vocal yoga under the canopy, with droplets gently falling on me, refreshing, as if nudging me to keep present and in my body.

Have you ever stood under a canopy of trees after rainfall?  Stand there, arms outstretched to the side, and lift your head back... allow the droplets to fall down and gently touch you wherever they want to go.  Open your eyes and watch them.. its beautiful!  They can sometimes hit you in the eye and make you jump, laugh, even cry..  I imagine that they are little balls of wonder being tossed at me by elementals, fairies, angels, tree spirits etc..   wonderful.