An auspicious date in the calendar and whilst many of my friends were
meditating, at sacred spots, tuning in to new energies etc, I was at my local
hospital having a camera put up my nose and down my throat! Obviously the place for me...
Facing another one of my childhood bad memories where at age 7, I was
pinned down by a group of nurses whilst a doctor did the same procedure without
any sedation.....I had avoided having this done for a while now, but it was
really the only way to see if there is any damage to my trachea from this RP
disease.
I was jumpy, nervous and tearful - the sight of the guys in their blue
gowns sparked me off...at this stage all they were doing were calling names out
in the waiting room. My friend was
allowed to come in to the prep ward with me thank goodness because during my
wait, the others patients in the ward kept on talking about the procedures they
had had done and what was wrong with them – I’d go into waves of panic and fear
and start drifting into a faint. My
friend was able to ground me and bring me back, distract me with other stories
– in a way it was funny...I watched all the other ladies being taken away and
brought back..and then the nurses handing over to the after-care team with
details of what they had had done etc.. I couldn’t escape it.
Anyway, still waiting for my turn at 11am, my friend and I just looked
at each other – we felt a surge of energy come through – very slight - we seemed to connect with out friends out there doing their 'ceremonies; and also the general public and the 2 min silence. A
few minutes later I was trollied away for my turn.. shaking so much, they
thought I was cold but I was sweating through fear. Whilst doing the necessary prep, canola
thing, sprayed here and there, I held onto a kind nurses arm and they talked
about dogs, snow and stuff until I felt drowsy and swimmy from the drugs.
The consultant doing the procedure was efficient and kind – and I
finally saw pictures of my throat, voice box and trachea...it went very quickly
and I wasn’t that conscious but they gave me a picture of the bit causing me my
problems. The good news was that there
didn’t appear to be any damage to cartilage to my windpipe but there was severe
swelling in the area of trachea just below the voice box.. very narrow and therefore making it hard for
me to breathe and talk correctly.
After recovery, the consultant who had been seeing me since my issues
started some 7 years ago came out to talk to me. During these 7 years I have attended his chest clinic twice a
year and had numerous tests and each time, he had scratched his head not
knowing what was happening. He was patient explaining stuff and admitted
that he had never seen anything like this in his career and wouldn’t know what to do – that this was
a specialist problem and I was seeing the very best person already, even if I
have to travel down to London. The internet is a wonderful thing!
I was left with this picture of the bit of my body that has caused me
problems over the last few years – I stared at it and touched it and felt so
much energy coming through – I sent it healing thoughts and acknowledged its
presence...
Last night when I went to bed, I took the picture and meditated with
it, feeling in and sending healing thoughts of expansion and opening...asking
questions of it like why was it there, what was it I needed to learn.... I made a special place in the window, with
healing crystals – it felt right somehow...
This morning, it feels really good still to be able to see what the area actually looks like...it enables me to tune in with it more intimately somehow. I think that this will be a useful tool for healing...
Out of bed now to prepare for the Metho dosage today.
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