Friends, warmth..a hug or two!

Phew...  what a ride that past week has been!    Awaiting a call from my doctors to ascertain what the next step is...but having spent a nurturing weekend with a friend, allowing him to do some odd jobs, listening to each other, sharing stuff..crying gently and having a few hugs, I feel so much more centered today.

My bleed is here and its nicely flowing, I have a client meeting later and I have some sort of  fluid 'plan' about what it is I need to do..or not do about many aspects of 'my' life.....

awwwwwww........I have a plant by my pc and one of its branches hangs over my screen.. a beautiful spider, is delicately crawling across it..its reached the end..and drops down onto my keyboard, then my Ipod, then my phone...  disappearing somewhere over my desk... beautiful!     One step at a time, tackling each seeming obstacle in its path..no worries!

mmmmmmmmmmm!

New connections, Exploring...blackouts!

Not written for a while..been exploring a new connection with a beautiful, opening, young man that I met a short while ago...he has stayed a few days and its been wonderful to be 'seen', nourished and honoured by the masculine principle.  It is something that I needed at this time to remind me that man can see and love the goddess and adore pure femininity..  I have flowered!    Whilst neither of us can see potential for a 'relationship' in a romantic sense...we acknowledge that there is something that connects us in whatever way that unfolds..  

This morning I passed out at the hospital..I was just having a regular check up..and whilst the nurse was talking to me, I realised that I was starting to leave the body...  I started to heat up, voices echoing around..and sinking fast... but I fought it and asked for a biscuit or something to bring me back..  they didnt get chance..  the blackness came up on me suddenly and I just disappeared..

Its been many years since I have fainted (probably before I had my near death)..I have had some close calls. but this is the first time, I went all the way..since I experienced oneness, the absolute...  and you know.. it was a powerful experience.  Similar to going into the blackness through meditation say, but it enveloped me quicker..and I was not 'conscious' of entering the blackness.. 

Anyway... as I 'came back'... the jouney came back first through hearing voices again, and then faces peering at me and I seemed to be fighting something to get to the faces....it took me ages to make it through that tunnel and very painful!   Then I cried..realising I had disappeared but had come back!

A crash team had been called as I had stopped breathing for longer than the average faint.... I realised yet again, I had stopped breathing..  ironically all happened in the chest clinic, where they are looking at what is causing my breathing issues!   I go to tick the boxes and you never know they just might find something physical...but in truth I know..its down to me and my choosing on some level.

These wonderful bodies...my wonderful body.. that has been touched so beautifully, felt such wondrous beauty..with the power for health or creation of dis-ease...  AARRGGHHH!!!  Why do I keep wanting escape! 

Madness? Realities and Perceptions...

There is a fine line between perceived madness and what most people see as reality.. Anything that strays from the norm of the masses is labelled and seen as negative..but who knows...

for centuries people have been cast out and even put to death if the way they live are 'different' to the 'norm'... witches, wizards, people who have stood up for thier belief in aliens, ufo's, stargates, angels, spirits, 2012, conspiracy theories whatever... been labelled as mad and mocked. People with so called mental health issues locked up ..for all we know, they could well be seeing other dimentsions that most of us cant perceive.. who knows.

All I know is that there are so many 'stories' out there, so much intel.. especially with teh web... yes there is a lot of obvious fabricated stuff too and that doesnt help... We can only do our best and see what resonates with our inner being.. and live our life as fully as possible, learning and growing as much as we can...

A big fat hedgehog just dropped into my courtyard garden, to escape from the farm dog.... bringing with it the wisdom of the female elders, fertility, enjoyment of life and defense of negativity.. all of these I welcome right now! Thank you!

weird belief? So what...its lovely to notice such things, signs from nature rather than being distracted by less beutiful things.. I welcome them!