Well, now I am back at home following surgery. Have been spending the past few days endeavouring to come back into my body
more and more..a bit of a struggle. Have had a wonderful, young man (angel) caring for me, ensuring all went smoothly, calmly and now back at home, serving me, feeding me, massaging me with such tenderness and love. I am so blessed.
The
surgery day was a bit surreal...I had a cold brewing so I think I had
been a little hopeful that they would cancel the operation. So I was
very calm and relaxed waiting for my turn to go to theatre. They made
the decision to go ahead and I then spent some time 'talking' to my
throat, trachea,letting it know what was about to happen..to prepare. Asked my body to surrender as best it could, divert blood flow
away during the procedure etc..
In the
anaesthetic room, yes I got a little scared and shaky...but very quickly
they did what they had to do and I drifted off talking of sheep and
fields! No dreams, visions etc just blackness...until it was over. I
woke up writhing on the bed, snaking up and down, trying to re enter my
body...it was painful getting back in..my body ached for ages after.
The
surgeon operated on the narrow airway with laser and then a balloon
dilation...but then they spotted a narrower area further down the
trachea that we didnt know about! So this was operated on to..hopefully I
won't need any further dilation but only time will tell now.
When
they took me up to the ward..I was put into bay 11...wonderful...
Auspicious number and then they wheeled me right by the window..I could
see the sky and a tree! I think I must have smiled and 'whooped'..I was
so grateful! I don't think the nurse and porter knew what to make of
that..but hey!
I
have had so many messages of support, prayers, healing,
thoughts,energy...As I recovered the afternoon of the surgery, I lay there thinking that I didn't deserve it! I could actually hear myself say..i am fine, they shouldn't have given me so much
energy or their time when maybe it was needed elsewhere! God...what a belief...i
watched it and gently told myself that of course I deserved, was worthy
and to accept and love. So humbled.
I
now need to support my immune system to get back on track...ask it to
stop attacking me..there is no need for it to continue to do this. This
may not be the end of it..it is not uncommon to have to have the same
operation several times, continued medications etc etc...the reading of
prognosis is scary...others experiences scary....but I have to trust
that whatever the outcome..then it is right for me. I want to explore
why my immune system is doing this...re look at all the tools, theories etc. I have to regard this as a 'clean slate'...
Just now, I took Milo for a little walk and attempted a small incline..it was so wonderful to be on the fields again...watching Milo run with his friends (albeit with funny curly tail!) ... buzzards calling above, sunshine..but cold wind. My breath is definately much easier, less coughing but voice and throat a bit sore still.. it feels soooo good to be alive though! So much better than a couple of weeks ago.
Namaste...thank you to all of you..for
all you angels sending me loving and healing energy, your
thoughts,your cards...to my fellow rp'ers for understanding how it is
and for y/our courage! Love to you all!
X
p.s. thank you for the messages of healing for Milo's broken tail too! He didnt want me to have the attention this last week! He is going to be able to keep his tail for now...hes not in pain and it has a lovely curly bit to it now! much like a piggy tail - such character! x
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