its 4am..I woke up with the wind and rain doing its thing on my roof window..I tried to wrap the duvet around me tighter, to close my eyes and disappear into dreamspace but the wind has howled me to sit up and write....
There are angels everywhere..around us..living with us, supporting us and loving us. I dont just mean the "winged" variety, beings that hold us and encourage us from another realm. I am blessed to have angels that have come into my life, to touch me in some way, gift me their love in whatever form or shape that is...
Every single person that has come into my life has gifted me their love and shown me something...enabled me to learn something, grow...some are no longer in my life..that is ok too. Even though we are no longer in contact physically, I think of them and am grateful, love them for what they have gifted me. They are all angels!
I woke with tears in my eyes...because after each sleep..the date for surgery gets closer..and I am human, i feel afraid and wonder what the outcome will be. Its not a "why me?" ..why not me!? Its more of a "shit",..is this one of the last days I will have a voice to talk, scream, shout and sing with? Will i experience pain after surgery? What will I wake up with? Will I wake up after the anaesthetic? There is no despair in this..but there is a seeing of the fear, a gentle feeling that we have no control..its all unknown.
Back to the Angels..in my awakening all those years ago..I was given the choice to have surgery to remove blood clots or risk them dislodging and going to my lungs. I was afraid of the surgery and didnt want it..I had been experiencing another state or realm and was no longer afraid of death..so just wanted to be left alone and to trust in life. However, my then husband was terrified...he wanted me to have surgery..exhausted after another hour or so of him trying to persuade to to agree to surgery..we held each other.. I fell 'asleep' in his arms..I could feel them around but..but I could also feel something else..something far bigger wrapping around us both, holding us both. There was a warmth, love, essence that enveloped the two of us.. I opened my eyes and knew it was all ok. The fear had disappeared, I felt serene, calm, at one and nodded my agreement to surgery...my husband breathed a sigh of relief! A little while later, the consultant came and said they had had a meeting and had decided that surgery was not the right thing to do now! I think I might have laughed! :)
More "earthly" angels are giving me so much right now...each with their unique gift of love.
They have stepped in to ensure that I have followed up appointments, physically supporting me with their masculine authority, holding me tenderly with their feminine sensitivity when I needed it most. One has continued to step forward with such unconditional devotion and love, I have been humbled to tears. Another has come forward to bolster me up when I have gotten down - given me some straight talking, humour, even distraction when necessary - as well as love through touch and massage..just sharing space with me. Another has shown me different tools for healing, encouraging me to stay in this body and not escape to my beloved cosmos. Others are supporting me in practical ways..friends are dipping in and out, checking in, giving me words of support, encouragement, hugs, their gifts, love as and when they can...and then there are more virtual friends..again giving me their love..just using another form.
All is energy..all is love.
I am so blessed and grateful for each and every one of them..each and every one of you!
Namaste
XXX
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