Retreat! Snow..... Cobra!

Been a few days since writing but have been on a wonderful and powerful retreat.  Having arrived early to beat the snow following me down the country..  meet up with a lovely group of people, new energies and sharing.

Powerful exercises, rituals and yoga..deepening, and opening all.

The most powerful one for me following the cobra breath meditation...seeing the cobra entwine up my spine, higher and higher, evolving evolution.  Then deep in the blackness, but with almost a ultra violet essence to it...  I physically feel an elixir being poured into my throat, I can feel it go through my sinuses, down my thorax, and down.. and then feel it surging around my bloodstream..  Reminds me of receiving an anaesthetic, and that feeling of a loss of control over the body.  Once I let go of that thought.. i surrender into the bliss of this wonderful elixir, seemingly gifted to me by Mother Serpent and surrender to its effects..

The blackness, intermingled with ultra violet light, pinky hues...see a Kolidascope of circles going around and around, with one huge one in the centre.. spiralling around.    My Third Eye is burning..and the chemical is pouring down, metallic taste, silvery/mercury sense to it... 

A while later, felt that I needed to go and have a wee by the willow tree in the garden...  I can actually smell the chemical release and pour in to the Earth...  like a toxin being released.   Then later, the same again.. and then a bleed.  So much energy pouring through my body..feels like the chemical/toxin did removed some impurities..

Couldnt drive anywhere..very spacey, and the flow of energy strong through my body.    After packing my car up, checking of tyres etc... it felt right to stay!

Namaste!
X

Full moon approaching...bleed almost over..

Writing this late in the evening... there is a party going on in the hot tub outside!  A group of holiday makers enjoying themselves - so wont get much sleep for a while...

Full moon tomorrow and my bleed is almost at an end, almost in sync now..but not quite!   My astrology forcast suggests that I reflect back over the last few weeks..., analyse and discard any unwanted emotions, feelings, baggage that no longer serve.  Haven't I already done that?  I guess another layer is about to go!   The forecast also said that this might be the time for me to meet my soul mate!  Well, I thought I had done that too...I'm open to the new!

Positive energy all around..I take responsibility for the creation of my life.

Much to be thankful for..................

Sleepless Night....sooo tired!

A sleepless night..tossing turning.  this time not down to my breathing which is still much improved... who knows why!

Approaching full moon, my bleed, 'that mans' energy that is still managing to weave its way in to my dreamtime...I dont know.  I've read, I've meditated, listening to music, read my emails, had some tea and now writing this!

Feels like I have done a days work in my dreamtime...maybe I am working with him in a parellel universe!  Sooooo tired! 

Short and sweet (ish) blog this time...   Being drawn to my bed!

Freedom! Hair chopped, cutting of past energies...an epipheny

Had my hair cut yesterday which for those of you that know me better, can be a bit of thing.. I like my long hair..and what with illness, stress and a rogue hairdresser earlier this year...I've done nothing but moan about my hair for months!  Yesterday, went to a new one..who talked through it all, cut it so it looked better...and was reassured that it would all be ok again with a couple of months!  mainly due to the rogue hairdresser cutting too many layers in last time!   its actually very healthy!

So... feel so much better...and went out last night to a beautiful concert by Nigel and Carolyn from Dartmoor...  so lovely..I meditated a lot, sank in and watched the pictures of Dartmoor Stones and woods...with lovely thoughts of times past there, past loves etc etc.....

An epipheny mometn earlier whilst washing up of all things!   Hands in suds.. I suddenly thought...and said out loud.. F***... what a fool you have been woman!!   I suddenly had a flash of some of the discussions I had had with the ex, comments he had made and I had listened, accepted them and..stayed!  too long!   So compromising myself and my truth!  I deserved and do deserve better!  He is a good man, lovely, sensitive, adorable BUT not ready to be in relationship with me..it is possible for us to fall in love and not be able to stay together.. 

So...  had let him go already,, but now..even more cutting of the chords that tie...  no more shrines to love that has gone!  I love here and now..this moment....  wonderfully freeing...  went into the woods..  So different now that all the leaves are on the ground, still so beautiful and full of energy...  i slipped on my bum twice in the mud - in the same place.  Tinkering going on in there I am sure.   I took some new pics of the wood last week which I will post on here... some have spotten tree spirits in the photos..can you see them?  An amazing Yoni in a tree trunk too.....beautiful!

First Snow of the winter! Seaside trips.......

 A weekend in Devon with friends and a foraging walk - wonderful walk, learned so much..amazing how many 'greens' there are still to eat around..  So grateful for having learned about this group..     didnt get to go to the seaside this trip but did go to Dartmoor for a walk - bloomin cold but beautiful!  Dancing on Saturday night - trying to clear my head of thoughts and mitherings, endeavouring to be present and meet new people...bumped into a close friend of the ex  - bittersweet.  Brought up so many emotions!  I feel that we have a lot in common but there is that link to the 'past'...  the universe really knows how to play games!  Every time I cut a chord, release an attachment, something comes in to re do..


Today, a long drive today to meet up with my herbalist in North Wales.  Beautiful journey in the main, lovely Autumn colours, crisp sunshine but a biting cold wind.   Went through the highest village in Wales - there was snow on the road!!!  Only for a few yards..but still!   Snow on the mountains in the distance - beautiful!

And as Milo was so patient with me on the drive, and sitting in the car on the Tesco's car park for a while...I took him to the beach for a run!  Lovely!

From CT Scans to Foraging Weekends!

Had my CT scan today - weird sensation.  Being injected with this dye..could feel it surging through my body - warm but had no control over it.  Really disconcerting senstation - of not being in control of something in my own body..  The actual x-ray side of things didnt bother me - but the dye left me feeling a bit out of it and toxic. 

Anyway, feel like times has raced this week - gone so fast.  I've not slept much, tossing and turning with unwanted dreams.  Mainly of love that is no longer here physically - each day, I cut the chords, chop the ties and each night, they get re-attached in dream world.  A sister thought that maybe I am working with that person on some other level..maybe? 

So, off down to wonderful Devon again this weekend, to visit friends for some loving and a forage walk to discover (hopefully) some new plants and mushrooms!   Back soon.

Surrendering and release...power for renewed growth.

1st November, Samhain yesterday...auspicious turning of the wheel of the year.   Letting go of that which has outlived its fruitfulness so that its decay can release back into the earth, nutrients that will power next Spring's renewed growth.

Thats where I feel I am..  saying goodbye to the ex who had been looking after Milo for the weekend...love still strong and energy connected..but  now is not the time..his journey of discovery taking a different road.  As I said goodbye, I re-cut the chords that had been connected during his visit, could feel the oxycotin hormone going through my body, so visualised it travelling down my spine, through my Yoni into the earth... 

I then sat in my own couldron for a while (Hot tub!)... meditating in the darkness, with the warmth of the water and the soft bubbles releasing energy all over.  Bliss.  Sat in front of my Goddess Altar before sleep, I again, cut and cut all attachments, opening to the new, and welcoming in Life.  Magical time of year.

Dreamt of us being passionate together all night - which felt like it was undoing all my detaching work!  Made me laugh this morning!  So, constantly having to re-check where I'm attached, letting it go...  about to go into the woods, very misty this morning.. Perfect!