amazing connections...realisations...flashes of inspiration...transmissions....
Yes, I have discovered there is internet access here.... however, endevouring not to get hooked in to this virtual world!
Seeing so many coincidences today...parallels...
-talking of communing with whales/dolphins - my journey started with being given a tape of whale/dolphin sounds when I was lieing in hospital, strapped to my bed some 11 years ago...never played such 'music' since! through to my ex visiting whales/dophins in the Azores.. to Nifer, a girlfriend doing exactly the same thing at this time! What a gift these beings of the sea are......
-visits to crop circles, meanings etc..possibly acupuncture on mother earth... our (with ex) visit to the crop circle by silbury hill last year - I was very ill in the circle... it was of a mayan headdress...my resonance with the mayan cultures, their prophecies, to today discussions of that exact same circle, others..their possible communications etc etc
- visits to stone circles, sacred sites.. we have visited so many this last year... together... and alone.. again, all being brought up today in discussions... allowing others to go on their journey..cannot guide etc etc
feeling my pain in seeing anothers faltering steps on their journey..and just being there to hold the energy from afar...or rather not even hold the energy.. just BE myself.. in my own power.. and let and trust life unfold!
sweet pain..sweet surrender... I am being nutured here, with love, with touch, with beautiful food, countryside, fresh air and yes.. a hot tub! Bliss!
Great to see more sisters reading, sharing my journey... please share yours too..
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Disappearing..Travelling... Journeying...Re-discovering...
I'm disappearing for a while... travelling, journeying and re-discovering..
Lion, Goddess Sekhmet...
Just been reminded of the Goddess Sekhmet, linked with Lion...
she is closely associated with Kundalini.. She has a bad reputation, that of violence, blood lust, and sexual passion. Represents death as well as powerful feminine sexuality. She demands women to be in their power and not be afraid of judgement.
mmm... women were calmly putting their heads into the lions mouths... practising... courageous, showing their strength, power... facing their fear/demons..
she is closely associated with Kundalini.. She has a bad reputation, that of violence, blood lust, and sexual passion. Represents death as well as powerful feminine sexuality. She demands women to be in their power and not be afraid of judgement.
mmm... women were calmly putting their heads into the lions mouths... practising... courageous, showing their strength, power... facing their fear/demons..
Woods and healing
walked through the sacred woods today with Milo.. Hugged the 'mother tree' and felt her healing energy, soaking up and radiating it through my body. I sank in to the depths and could see myself standing there, holding the tree.. I could move all around, above, to the side.. all the while watching me hugging the tree.
Leaning my back against the tree, I asked for healing to my throat and for waht seemed like ages, just stood with arms raised, soaking in energy from above...in the sunlight coming through the leaves.
A new bird called in teh wood.. one that I had not heard before.. kept making me jump back into my body. I sat down facing the fallen half tree..milo lay down next to me and then just disappeared... Was aware of communing with beings, have had this before on retreat, but didnt stay with the phenomina, but danced with all beings, deities, all races..all one.
For this brief time, the sun was glorious on what is mainly a dull, grey day. warming my body, especially my throat... opening it wide, allowing the energy to travel all the way down to my yoni and then that opening wide too, allowing energy to flow from above to earth.. glorious.
On the walk back, I drank from the stream as Mother had asked me too, trusting her, and picked some peppermint to make some tea..
Leaning my back against the tree, I asked for healing to my throat and for waht seemed like ages, just stood with arms raised, soaking in energy from above...in the sunlight coming through the leaves.
A new bird called in teh wood.. one that I had not heard before.. kept making me jump back into my body. I sat down facing the fallen half tree..milo lay down next to me and then just disappeared... Was aware of communing with beings, have had this before on retreat, but didnt stay with the phenomina, but danced with all beings, deities, all races..all one.
For this brief time, the sun was glorious on what is mainly a dull, grey day. warming my body, especially my throat... opening it wide, allowing the energy to travel all the way down to my yoni and then that opening wide too, allowing energy to flow from above to earth.. glorious.
On the walk back, I drank from the stream as Mother had asked me too, trusting her, and picked some peppermint to make some tea..
Lurgies, Dreams, Lions..
Disturbed night of feeling rubbish with sore throat, headache, runny nose....and many dreams..
The last dream stayed with me the most. I was sharing a house with the ex and his ex partner..all living together. He gradually got more distance until one day he said I must go..but she asked me to stay, that I was needed, that he would soften. He didnt, and as i was packing up my room, she was cleaning the windows repeating to me I must stay! Outside in teh garden, there was some sort of workshop happening..all these women were being trained how to put their heads into a lions head.. there were all these lions on the grass and the women were taking it in turns! Eventually, he came back to me (I was picking up cutlery off the floor) and said what will it take to help you leave....all the time, she was behind him saying stay... I woke up then, realising that there had always been three in the relationship, he had never stopped loving her, couldnt let her go..even though she had clearly moved on herself. He kept hold of her energetically and it had always been around...
So..if anyone knows of the significance of the lions etc, please let me know.. they feel significant!
I have delayed going off to Devon for another day... I feel unwell so will take it easy today, visit the woods maybe, and have one more night in my own bed before heading off...
The last dream stayed with me the most. I was sharing a house with the ex and his ex partner..all living together. He gradually got more distance until one day he said I must go..but she asked me to stay, that I was needed, that he would soften. He didnt, and as i was packing up my room, she was cleaning the windows repeating to me I must stay! Outside in teh garden, there was some sort of workshop happening..all these women were being trained how to put their heads into a lions head.. there were all these lions on the grass and the women were taking it in turns! Eventually, he came back to me (I was picking up cutlery off the floor) and said what will it take to help you leave....all the time, she was behind him saying stay... I woke up then, realising that there had always been three in the relationship, he had never stopped loving her, couldnt let her go..even though she had clearly moved on herself. He kept hold of her energetically and it had always been around...
So..if anyone knows of the significance of the lions etc, please let me know.. they feel significant!
I have delayed going off to Devon for another day... I feel unwell so will take it easy today, visit the woods maybe, and have one more night in my own bed before heading off...
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
Bleeding, nurturing, lurgies and dates!
Went really deep into my bleed yesterday.. the pain on this cycle was intense and really just wanted to be still and bleed on the earth..surrender to the pain and sink into it. I couldnt concentrate on any 'work', so re-arranged all my plants, pots etc and felt heaps better once I'g gotten my hands in the soil.
Got around to looking at the many emails/calenders I have about the astrological stuff this week..and apparently for all cardinal signs like myself, this period of time marks the beginning of a significant couple of years that will later be recognized as the beginning of a new chapter. Hmmm!! Fate will be expected to pull some more proverbial rugs from under more entrenched feet! (I am a capricorn goat!)... what more!?!?!? I have no rugs left to pull? mm. should i have said that?
So today, I woke up with a cold coming, my nose is all peppery, I have a sore throat and not really with it. Even so, I have done some errands on town, distributed some posters for an event/talk, chatted to a few people...and.. had a date! yes, a date! Nice enough guy but oh, I would so chew him up in pieces.. he was so painfully shy. Anyway, I practiced my 'leaning back', and had a lovely hour or so over lunch.
Of course, I have come back with thoughts of the ex again..no-one esle will match up..bla bla bla.... ugh! I wont listen to all this though...its so unreal.. moving on..
Got around to looking at the many emails/calenders I have about the astrological stuff this week..and apparently for all cardinal signs like myself, this period of time marks the beginning of a significant couple of years that will later be recognized as the beginning of a new chapter. Hmmm!! Fate will be expected to pull some more proverbial rugs from under more entrenched feet! (I am a capricorn goat!)... what more!?!?!? I have no rugs left to pull? mm. should i have said that?
So today, I woke up with a cold coming, my nose is all peppery, I have a sore throat and not really with it. Even so, I have done some errands on town, distributed some posters for an event/talk, chatted to a few people...and.. had a date! yes, a date! Nice enough guy but oh, I would so chew him up in pieces.. he was so painfully shy. Anyway, I practiced my 'leaning back', and had a lovely hour or so over lunch.
Of course, I have come back with thoughts of the ex again..no-one esle will match up..bla bla bla.... ugh! I wont listen to all this though...its so unreal.. moving on..
Monday, 2 August 2010
Festival..Heathrow Dash..Clarity again...
Cambridge folk festival was good.. discovered a couple of new bands that I enjoyed.. although overall, I found the whole experience hard going. In hindsight, perhaps it wasnt such a good idea..this was mixing in the scene that the ex was in..some of the bands he introduced me to were playing and I found myself thinking about him a lot..plus I started to bleed heavily whilst I was there... I do feel right now that I need to also let go of the circles/scene he moved in.
On the way home, I got a call for an emergency pick up of a friend that had become stranded at Heathrow.. and we stayed in a hotel togetehr overnight...and today, we spent the day sharing, talking and eating at a service station picnic area on the M40! My bleed allowing me to soften, and surrender more easily.. at times, the energy of the bleed today has been immense...stopping me in my tracks. We spent the afternoon sitting on the grass which was the closest I could get to bleeding on the earth!
After dropping her off at the airport again, I drove home with some more clarity and sense of peace.. I played Peruquois and Praful new track which has moved me since the first time I heard it in concert..and sang and sang.. as I got closer to where he lives up the M40, I sank within deeper and sang louder and louder..pouring the lvoe that I feel out through the open windows...knowing he would hear..
This sounds as though it was painful today.. you know it wasnt.. I was beaming, smiling in gratitute for what I had received, what we had shared. I said thank you to the countryside we walked in, which I could now see across the motorway..thank you for all the sights, smells, new places we had explored..the new depths, the love that we had shared.
I love and so I let go... love has to be free.. a mother lets go of her children when they old enough to leave home... to prevent them would not be loving and would prevent them growing... To hold on to love that is not free will quickly turn that love into something not true and resentment.
I saw today that he did not have a choice really in leaving.. on some level, he knows he has his own journey to take and I have mine too. For either of us to try to stifle the others' journey out of willfullness would be dishonouring of the love we shared. There is a divine plan in all this.. I trust that. And there is a man who can reflect to me as deep and even deeper.. Now although I have seen this clarity before, this felt more 'concrete' for want of a better word.
Friendship? this I am not clear on yet, I am friends with another ex partner, but that has taken some time to pass to get to that place. However, I am more mature in consciousness now, would I be able to spend time and not get all caught up in emotions - I dont know?
As I drove past the town, I thanked again in love, blew a kiss, and then repeated the cd again and again... singing, shouting and visualising the cutting of all attachments and ties...welcoming the new.
MMMMM! X
On the way home, I got a call for an emergency pick up of a friend that had become stranded at Heathrow.. and we stayed in a hotel togetehr overnight...and today, we spent the day sharing, talking and eating at a service station picnic area on the M40! My bleed allowing me to soften, and surrender more easily.. at times, the energy of the bleed today has been immense...stopping me in my tracks. We spent the afternoon sitting on the grass which was the closest I could get to bleeding on the earth!
After dropping her off at the airport again, I drove home with some more clarity and sense of peace.. I played Peruquois and Praful new track which has moved me since the first time I heard it in concert..and sang and sang.. as I got closer to where he lives up the M40, I sank within deeper and sang louder and louder..pouring the lvoe that I feel out through the open windows...knowing he would hear..
This sounds as though it was painful today.. you know it wasnt.. I was beaming, smiling in gratitute for what I had received, what we had shared. I said thank you to the countryside we walked in, which I could now see across the motorway..thank you for all the sights, smells, new places we had explored..the new depths, the love that we had shared.
I love and so I let go... love has to be free.. a mother lets go of her children when they old enough to leave home... to prevent them would not be loving and would prevent them growing... To hold on to love that is not free will quickly turn that love into something not true and resentment.
I saw today that he did not have a choice really in leaving.. on some level, he knows he has his own journey to take and I have mine too. For either of us to try to stifle the others' journey out of willfullness would be dishonouring of the love we shared. There is a divine plan in all this.. I trust that. And there is a man who can reflect to me as deep and even deeper.. Now although I have seen this clarity before, this felt more 'concrete' for want of a better word.
Friendship? this I am not clear on yet, I am friends with another ex partner, but that has taken some time to pass to get to that place. However, I am more mature in consciousness now, would I be able to spend time and not get all caught up in emotions - I dont know?
As I drove past the town, I thanked again in love, blew a kiss, and then repeated the cd again and again... singing, shouting and visualising the cutting of all attachments and ties...welcoming the new.
MMMMM! X
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